Update: “Needs Space” Responds

Hi, DW community. We are starting this week in what feels like a whole new world. Here in NYC, schools are closed for at least the next five weeks (and possibly through the end of the school year) with online classes set to begin next week. Bars and restaurants are closing for everything but take-out and delivery, and everyone is encouraged to stay home and put all in-person social interactions on hold for the forseeable future. (These /measures are painful – especially for those whose income and businesses will be so dramatically affected and for the many children who depend on school for a myriad of social services- but I agree that they’re necessary, and probably should have been implemented a week ago.) I know so many of you in other communities are also going through similar life upheavals – and if you aren’t yet, you will be soon – and experiencing the stress and anxiety that goes with it, as we brace ourselves for the impact this pandemic will have on our healthcare providers and those whose health it will compromise.

As I said last week, I want DW to be a place you can escape some of the bad news and experience a little bit of normalcy, so to that end, and as much as I’m able to (with two kids at home, around the clock), I will keep posting columns and updates and my regular content. Please send me your letters to answer! And your updates, please, too!In addition, there’s a thread in the forums dedicated to Covid/coronavirus support when you want to seek some solidarity and share your updates and experiences. Now, here’s an update from a past LW:

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Needs Space” whose boyfriend’s mom and her partner were living with them after falling on hard times and refusing to move out. She wrote: “My boyfriend does not want to be rude and kick his mom out. I feel like she is taking advantage of our kindness. I’m trying not to stress because that is bad for my health at this point, but he won’t take charge.” Her update below.

I followed your advice and I told my boyfriend how I felt, then gave him an ultimatum. After six months of my having dealt with my in-laws living with us, they finally moved out right before the new year. Though it did cause a strain on my boyfriend’s relationship with his mother, it strengthened our relationship because I was at my wits’ end. I want to thank everyone for their comments and Wendy for the advice that gave me the courage to stand up to my mother-in-law.

I’m glad you found the courage to speak up and that things are better now! Thank you for updating us.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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  1. Good for you. Sounds like ultimately two good outcomes, one your bf established a new paradigm with his mom and you two are stronger for the ordeal.

  2. Good for you! It must have been hard, but congrats for finding the courage.

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