It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Scared He’ll Be a Schlub,” whose update was actually a comment she left on the original post yesterday but one I’m highlighting here instead so it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle (and because it’s also a call for advice, given some additional info). If you missed the original post last week, the LW is worried that her partner, who is style-resistant and unmotivated to shop for an outfit for an upcoming wedding of LW’s close friend, will show up looking like a slob. She bought him a shirt to wear, and he hated it and flipped out. Here’s a mini-update/question:
This was in response to my suggesting we get an additional hotel room so there wouldn’t be a bunch of people trying to crash in the same room after a night of partying. I wasn’t requiring that he sleep in my room, just that we have two rooms because I am an adult woman who would prefer to shower and sleep in a non-dorm like situation.
I got the feeling I’d Yoko’d the trip. He confirmed his feelings of Yoko-ness. Other dudes on the trip had an excellent time and were happy I was there and denied any Yoko-type vibes.
Of note: I wore couture gowns to the jam band show. (My friend hooks really cool stuff up at estate sales in Greenwich and I visited her on the way up.) As a point of clarification, he LOVES the way I look. But yesterday he expressed feeling like he looked lame next to me…..
Great night, great show, did not feel particularly close to him.
Woke up this morning TO ANOTHER FUCKING FIGHT ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIRT. Am over it, but…
My six-year old is in love with him and vice versa. Breaking it off will destroy him. I omitted this part because perhaps this is what I’m most ashamed of: that I brought this person into our lives and now I’ll be hurting him.
Can I save this thing?
Don’t stay with someone you’ve outgrown and no longer feel a connection with because you’re afraid of hurting your child by breaking up with someone he really likes. As a mom, I understand the inclination to prioritize one’s kid’s feelings, but in romantic relationships the feelings that are most important are the two people in it (or three, I guess, in cases of throuples). Obviously, I don’t know you or your partner, but you come across as someone who is mature, smart, and lots of fun. Your parter, through your description… does not seem the same. Maybe he is, but I don’t think *you’re* seeing him that way anymore (if you ever did), and that’s the problem. Your kid’s liking him is a big deal. It wouldn’t work out if he didn’t. But it’s not going to work out either if you aren’t really into your partner anymore. Are you?