Update: “Taking It Slow” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Taking It Slow” who, after six months of dating the same guy, was feeling frustrated that she still hadn’t met anyone from his life. He was ending a marriage and told her he needed time. She wrote: “How long will I be in this weird, don’t know if he is fully in, situation? Do you think the signs he is giving me now are enough to be patient and see where this goes?” Her update below.

I told him how I felt and he repeatedly said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I told him if that he isn’t ready, then we can’t be having sex and I won’t allow him to keep using me as his test-drive girlfriend. We have attempted to stay friends, but twice we have fallen back into having sex. Just this past Sunday he got mad that I posted on social media that we were hanging out, so he “ended” all forms of hanging out and requested that we only do group activities in the future. He apologized for the back and forth behavior that he had been exhibiting, and he asked if we could still be friends. My reply was lengthy but to the point: Ending with just being friends is not an option as we keep falling into bed together. The friendship is gone; there is nothing left to try and build on.

Are you sure he’s actually ending his marriage and not just straying from it? At any rate, you gave this an honest go and it’s time to MOA (which means no more sex, no more talking to him, blocking him on social media, etc., etc. — Boy, Bye!).

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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  1. Yeah I don’t believe he was separated or divorcing his wife. You were his side chick. Be grateful to be done with him after only a few months

  2. Good for you for setting boundaries and sticking to them (mostly, happens to us all). This guy does not sound worth your time.

  3. I can see why this guy is twice divorced

  4. Howdywiley says:

    This guy is totally married.

  5. Avatar photo Skyblossom says:

    The guy who gets upset that you posted being together on social media is the guy who is in another relationship and it is the primary relationship and he isn’t going to let his side piece break up the primary relationship.

    He’s lying to you and has been lying to you. Dump him for good but if he comes on to you at all in any group setting feel free to pull out some photos of the two of you together and post them on social media. You don’t have an obligation to cover for him.

    He isn’t worth your time. You will never be able to trust him.

  6. Been there, done that. I dated a guy for about a year doing the “organically” friends thing. Would date for 2 months, then he needed space and then 6 weeks later, let’s date again. He never wanted me to FB post / tag him. He only met my friends. He never wanted me to meet his daughters. He was 100% divorced but obviously commitment issues.
    I ended it and never looked back. We stayed friends but there was definitely distance between us. He’s had 2 serious relationships since me and it has been the same pattern.
    You dodged a bullet! You’re guy won’t commit the way you need to in the future.

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