It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Three Days or Else” who was pissed that it took a woman he met at a bar 19 whole days to respond to text him after he gave her his phone number. After she did finally text him, he proceeded to blow her off when she suggested they meet for coffee (“Why should this woman get her way after taking so long to contact me? Lol.”), tell her he likes sexy women who are good kissers, ask if she was petite (“because she was sitting down for most of the night when I met her”) and then berate her for taking so long to text him (“Because you took 19 days to contact me, that is not a strong sign of interest; otherwise, you would have contacted me within three to four days. Thoughts? Lol.”). After that, she told him they probably weren’t a good match and they never went out again.
His question to me was whether I thought there was any chance he could get her interested in him again. His update, and a new question from him, below.
I sent a text, like you suggested, to apologize for my comments that made her feel uncomfortable and that gave a bad impression of myself. I also said that I enjoyed the conversations that we had and was still open to meeting for a coffee to show that I’m a gentleman. If she prefers not to, that’s fine. I understand.
She replied back with: “I really appreciate the apology. I’m also sorry if I might have taken things out of context. It’s all good. There are no hard feelings 🙂 ”
Then we texted back and forth a couple times. I asked her how her weekend was and she did the same. I also asked her if she was going on vacation this year. And that was it.
This text conversation was nine days ago and I haven’t texted her since. I didn’t actually ask her out. Well, I did say I was open to meeting for a coffee in my apology text but she wasn’t enthusiastic either. She could have said, “Yeah I’d like to meet for a coffee.” She just accepted my apology.
I stand by what I said: she wasn’t really that interested in the first place.
What’s your take on this? I’m curious to know what you think.
What is it that you want me to say here? That you are right? That she wasn’t interested in you in the first place and that text she sent you 19 days after you met her in a bar and she refused to give you her number but took yours instead was leading you on and she was terrible to do so because you should never text someone you aren’t totally interested in, and you should know whether or not you’re interested in someone immediately after meeting them once in a dark and probably loud bar? Ok then, you’re totally right! She was a typical woman leading you on and all women suck and you should probably stay away from them because all they care about is lying and cheating and leading on vulnerable men who are gullible enough to give out their phone numbers to women who PRETEND to be interested and then get off on waiting 19 days to text. What a bunch of cunts. They don’t even deserve you!!
Is that what you want me to say?
But here’s what I really think: she probably totally forgot about you in those 19 days that passed after she met you until she came across your phone number scrawled on a piece of paper or programed in her phone, and with only a vague recollection of your being kind of cute maybe, she decided to send you a text and see if you might be cool. Turns out, nah, you’re not her type after all. And, in fact, you might even be a bit of a prick? Oh, but then you apologized for your lame comments and that’s cool. No hard feelings then. But, yeah, definitely not interested in that coffee you didn’t ask her out for.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.