Updates: “Cut Out Dad?” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Cut Out Dad?” (LW2) who wrote in last week about her deadbeat dad and whether she was right to cut him out of her and her baby’s lives. “I love my dad, but I cannot stand the fact that he won’t take his balls out of his wife’s purse and stand up for his children. My sister and brother are depressed that they are being told that my dad doesn’t love them anymore and that he hopes they are happy with themselves.” Update below.

After my dad and stepmom said all of those things, my mother reported them to CPS and to the attorney general, and my dad told me officially that he isn’t my father anymore and that he will not help me ever again. Harsh words from someone who was a deadbeat all my life. My dad took away all of my siblings’ stuff at his house, and my mom will not allow them to go back unless my dad deals with his wife’s behavior.

My siblings live with my mom full-time, and my dad doesn’t care as he hasn’t tried to contact my mom at all. The attorney general advised my mom to not send them over anymore. My stepfather asked if he could adopt me, and I am thinking about taking him up on that.

It must be really painful to be dismissed by your father like you have been, but at least you have confirmation that cutting him out is the right choice. I’m so glad you and your siblings have your mother and what sounds like a father-figure who wants you to feel supported and loved and cared for.


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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    1. SisiSodaPop says:

      She probably means the District Attorney or whoever is overseeing the custody/child support case in her city/county/state/country. If she’s young enough to be adopted, then she probably just doesn’t know the exact title of the person she was referencing.

      1. lurker101 says:

        Just read the previous letter. She’s 21. Can you officially adopt an ‘adult’??

  1. “I love my dad, but I cannot stand the fact that he won’t take his balls out of his wife’s purse and stand up for his children.”

    This is assigning too much of the blame to the wife. If the father really cared at all about his kids, this wouldn’t happen, his wife couldn’t persuade him to behave like this and to accept her behavior, he wouldn’t disown LW. The father is every bit as much to blame as his wife. It is a harsh reality, but he truly doesn’t give a shit about his kids. That’s why he’s been a deadbeat. His selfishness comes first, second, and third and always will. Losing him isn’t losing anything at all.

  2. allathian says:

    Agreed. The only thing the OP is possibly losing is the hope of a proper relationship with her bio father. But at least she has a kind of closure now.

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