It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “A Very Frustrated College Student” who wrote in last week about her roommate who essentially let her slob of a boyfriend move in despite his contributing nothing to rent and bills. Her update below:
I have sat down with my roommate and have spoken to her about some of the issues about her boyfriend not doing things in the house such as not doing dishes or even bothering to scrape his plate before placing it in the sink, and she replied saying that I do that as well. However, the only time I place things in the sink with anything on them is if I’m soaking a hard-to-scrub pan or pot. Patrick has since been cleaner about the urine which is nice and even did dishes for the first time today! Unfortunately, he left tons of old food and stains on them so I placed them back in the sink to clean them later. My roommate then approached me about how I haven’t done dishes in, in her words, “God knows how long”….. it’s been four days.
I would LOVE to talk to my landlord about it, but he made it very clear he wasn’t looking to rent to college students and did not want to have to parent us over disputes. He would 100% skip the mess of dealing with it and just ask us to leave. My roommate is also thinking of staying rather than move out once the lease is up, so that’s another problem. I sat down and talked with both her and her boyfriend about summer plans; he said he was staying here, to which I replied that’s fine but he HAS to spilt all expenses with us three ways. He said that he would do his best. I told him that, no, he has to pay or he has to leave, no excuses. Everything is in my name and I usually pay on my card and then am given cash by my roommate. But I have a feeling Patrick is not going to pay, and at this point I am looking for another apartment.
I am beyond sad to have to leave this amazing place, but I’m not one for confrontation and this will just spiral if I try to talk to them about it. It will not just be an argument between my roommate, her bf, and me, but instead it will spread throughout our friend groups and Patrick adds quite the flare to things. I’ve decided to pick my battles and just move once this lease ends.
Thanks, A Defeated College Student
I think you’re making the right decision, as hard as it is to leave a great apartment. One thing I’d advise going forward though: If you’re going to draw a line in the sand with roommates regarding domestic cleanliness and tidiness, you might not want to let your dishes pile up for four days before washing them!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.