Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Asking Too Much?” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Asking Too Much?,” whose letter was featured in a shortcuts column last month when she confessed that her physical relationship with her boyfriend left a lot to be desired and whenever she brought it up with him, he’d just laugh and make a joke about it. After the jump, find out whether she’s still with the guy and if things have gotten better.

Thank you so much for your advice, and the readers, for their comments. I must admit I was originally pretty pissed with the response, because if there is one response I didn’t want to hear, it was “MOA”, much less in the “shortcuts,”lumped together with other girl’s letters. To me, moving on seemed like the obvious thing and I didn’t need to hear it, I wanted advice on how to fix it.

Last night, I finally found the guts to break up with my boyfriend. The lack of affection issue I wrote in about was not the only problem we had. Much like the recent letter “Am I being too needy?” my boyfriend never had time for me — he was always too busy working or having guys’ nights. And this was what finally pushed me over the edge. Such a long term relationship is not easy to “MOA” from, and I’m hurting badly, but at the same time I feel an immense relief knowing that I don’t have to put up with such a bad relationship. He recognized he’s bad boyfriend and that he’s got intimacy issues, and that I deserve better. It’s uphill from here 🙂

Thanks for the update and best of luck to you!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

8 comments… add one
  • ArtsyGirl June 1, 2011, 12:52 pm

    Best of luck – sometimes the hardest action is the correct one.

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  • LTC039 June 1, 2011, 1:01 pm

    As we say in spanish, “Mejor solo que mal acompañado” Which translates to “Better off alone then in bad company.”
    So happy you’re out of the unhealthy relationship! Be strong & good luck to you!

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  • SGMcG June 1, 2011, 1:11 pm

    So along with restricting his physical affections for you without a justifiable medical reason, he also restricted the amount and quality of the time he spent with you? Wow – I am surprised you didn’t MOA sooner. Best wishes in finding your better match now!

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  • SpyGlassez June 1, 2011, 1:30 pm

    Definitely best wishes for your future. You definitely deserve better, and you’re now free to find it!

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  • Marie June 1, 2011, 1:48 pm

    Good Luck LW – I empathize with the incredible sense of relief (and for me freedom) after getting out of a bad relationship with someone who did not meet my needs. I met another guy not long thereafter and we are still together a year and a half in. Not sure if he is the one but I know that he is loving, we spend lots of time together and feel like we are building a life together. All of the hurt of rejection, feeling like I was banging my head against a wall and getting no where is gone. It is just a kind, loving, relationship. Very simple, like it should be. I hope you find one when you are ready. All the best!

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    bittergaymark June 1, 2011, 2:36 pm

    Sounds like you made the right decision… Remember, “EVERY relationship you ever have WILL fail…until you meet the right person,” — Dan Savage. So don’t beat yourself up about this at all. Sure, right now, this may still seem like a huge disaster in that you were together for a couple of years, but in the grand scheme of things, that really isn’t that long of a time. (It’s not like you were together 15 years…) By MOA you are freeing yourself to meet a much better match.

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  • HmC June 1, 2011, 4:05 pm

    Kudos on your courage. Leaving someone you love is, I think, one of the most difficult things that human beings can do, even if a relationship is not working. Remember that sometimes making yourself happy means taking risks. And this is cliche, but I think you should hear it now- there are so many beautiful, interesting people out there, when you’re ready to see them. 🙂

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  • anna728 June 2, 2011, 12:56 am

    Sounds like the right choice, LW! You will find someone better!

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