It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Bridesmaid No More” who was asked to be her friend’s bridesmaid and then heard nothing more about it for months. With the wedding only one month away and the bachelorette party planned, the LW wondered whether and how she should address the topic with the bride, whom she admittedly had not reached out to in a while. Keep reading for her update:
Your advice was very clear, and has really made me think quite differently about how much I don’t do to make and keep friendships. I’m busy worrying about what I do, or why people wouldn’t like me – but that is self-centered and confusing to others!
I wrote to the bride, just as you suggested, and funnily enough, she handled it just as you predicted – she was grateful for my support and excited I was joining the hen, etc. She hasn’t acknowledged the invite to be a bridesmaid, but I think this is consistent with your advice and insight.
I decided to send a warm email, and slipped in a reference to having been asked, indicating I wanted to check as I didn’t want to desert my responsibilities! I made it very clear that I want to help – either way of course!
I wish I had asked some months back and had made an effort to communicate better with her, but this is still an outcome I am pleased with as it seems no damage has been done to the friendship and I have a good footing to move forward and be more involved in the future.
Really – thank you for your advice. I have been rethinking all my friendships, and I feel excited about adjusting my behavior and maintaining relationships better with this new approach. It feels strange that your reply has had such an impact, but it somehow changes the way I understand things.
Thank you so much – I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.
Very best wishes.
Thank you, and I’m glad my advice and the readers’ comments have you re-evaluating your own role in your friendships and considering how you may better make and nurture friendships moving forward. All the best to you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
va-in-ny November 16, 2015, 2:53 pm
So, are you a bridesmaid or nah?
SpaceySteph November 16, 2015, 4:45 pm
Yeah, that clears up nothing. Avoidant/unclear people frustrate me, so I’d probably dump this girl as a friend for that alone.
Regina Chapman November 16, 2015, 4:49 pm
To be fair:
“She hasn’t acknowledged the invite to be a bridesmaid”
I took that as a no.
RedRoverRedRover November 16, 2015, 4:53 pm
That’s how I read it too. She’s coming to the hen party or whatever it’s called, but she’s not a bridesmaid.
SpaceySteph November 16, 2015, 5:08 pm
I agree I’d take it as a no, but it wasn’t technically a no. It was avoiding the question. It was an email, it’s not like she missed the question.
dinoceros November 16, 2015, 5:24 pm
Yep! That would annoy me.
anonymousse November 16, 2015, 6:13 pm
Erm, to me it sounds as if they aren’t that great of friends, proof is this is all conducted via email, not even a phone call. The bride probably changed her mind when months went by and hadn’t heard from LW. I think she was doing a bit of a slow fade about it, and…kind of rightly so, right? I mean…they don’t contact each other for five months, they can’t be that good of friends. Add that to the passive aggressive tactic of slipping in a reference to the bridesmaids thing less than a month before the wedding…yeah, I’d avoid answering so as to not make any drama.