Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Dating a Conspiracy Theorist” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Dating a Conspiracy Theorist,” who was, as her name suggests, dating a conspiracy theorist. “I would love to hear from you or the readers if anyone has had any experience dating a conspiracy theorist, and whether or not this obsession is only a phase or if will become a lifelong thing,” she wrote. After the jump, find out if she decided to stay with her boyfriend and how she’s doing today.

Hello all: I wanted to thank you and the readers for replying to my letter. I know many of the readers wanted a clarification on my use of the word “obsessive.” At the time, he was certainly going in that direction. I was at his house to watch a movie, and he began to play one of his 9/11 movies – over an hour long! It was the topic of many of our conversations, and he didn’t even want to go to baseball games because he said major league sports were created to distract the masses. This is when I decided to write in, to try to determine if he was in a phase or if this was only going to get worse, because despite his preoccupation with these ideas, he is very reasonable in many other areas of his life.

I really appreciate it hearing all of your experiences. It seemed that there were two main types of theorists described: first, the paranoid/possibly dangerous type, and second, the type that could live a normal life with a unique perspective of our world. Reading all the advice gave me a lot to think about, and I decided to have a serious discussion with him about his beliefs.

The initial advice did surprise me, but it made me aware of the possibility of a mental illness. I did not feel that he was at that level though, so I decided to straight up ask him, “So do you think your beliefs are ever going to drive you to go live on a mountain in the middle of nowhere?” He was surprised that I asked him that question, and I think he realized that I was genuinely worried about him. That seemed to bring him back to reality. Since that discussion, we have rarely had conversations about these theories. I think when he first discovered these alternative ideas, he became very caught up in it, but he has since definitely scaled back to a normal level. Although he still has strong beliefs in these subjects, I respect that he is willing to look outside the box and that he cares about world issues. I am also very grateful that he doesn’t allow his beliefs to interfere with everyday life anymore. Again, thank you DW and readers for your valuable advice!

Thank you for the update! I’m glad to hear things have normalized a bit more and your boyfriend’s “obsession” seems a little more under control.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

23 comments… add one
  • bittergaymark August 12, 2011, 12:37 pm

    Well, keep an eye on him.

    PS — I’m with him on organized sports though. Talk about a huge, HUGE waste of societies time and resources…

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    • MsMisery August 12, 2011, 12:42 pm

      It may be a huge waste of time and resources (no professional sports player, in my mind, is justified in making $15 million a year), but I don’t think it was CREATED for the purpose of “distracting the masses.”

      Besides… some of those athletes are hawt.

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      • bittergaymark August 12, 2011, 1:16 pm

        Maybe not. But it certainly distracts the masses of tools that populate our once intelligent nation. I can’t even begin to believe how much time some fools spend on fantasy football. Seriously, the up with sports attitude of the US — and the world, is truly fucking pathetic.

      • bittergaymark August 12, 2011, 1:55 pm

        See? Look how many of you worship sports and are thus distracted. 😉

      • LTC039 August 12, 2011, 4:16 pm

        Hey it could be worse, we could be sending criminals into a large ampitheatre to fight to the death for purely entertainment purposes… But I agree with you on the fantasy football thing.

      • AKchic August 15, 2011, 1:16 pm

        At least we know that once the fight to the death is done – one criminal is not going to re-offend ever again. It entertains the idiot masses better than Jersey Shore and Survivor and Teen Mom or whatever and keeps our jails a little less crowded. Might even help keep some people from committing crimes in the first place.

      • Temperance August 13, 2011, 9:16 am

        You just brought up a whole host of bad memories from my old office! I worked with this absolute meathead who would come in every time there was any sort of game on that he liked and start yelling about how “we” won last night.

        This guy could not read and follow simple instructions and could not remember procedures that he ran for months if he took a week off from doing them. UGH.

      • Elle August 12, 2011, 1:58 pm

        Mark, I agree with you. These shows started in the Roman empire, some 2000 years ago, by politicians who wanted support from the masses. Back then, everybody had the right to see the games, people didn’t have to pay. I would also add concerts and amusement parks to these means of distracting the masses.

      • ele4phant August 13, 2011, 2:47 pm

        Yeah I am with you Elle. Sports, concerts, amusement parks, fiction books, movies, tv, magazines, any personal hobbies. If it doesn’t feed directly into elevating and incresasing production within society, if it’s main purpose is personal enjoyment, it needs to be banned!

    • katie August 12, 2011, 8:31 pm

      omg i totally agree with you!! i was SO SAD when the football season was on again… i work with a bunch of guys, and when i would explain that football was a great example of everything that was wrong with our society, they all looked at me like i was crazy and called heresy on me.

      could you imagine, if the football season had been cancelled, if all the fans and players would have taken the money they would have spent or made, what kind of difference we could make in the world? i mean were talking probably billions of dollars here…. ah. a girl can dream.

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      • AKchic August 15, 2011, 1:18 pm

        I was hoping the lock-out would extend for the season. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can sit and watch and enjoy the technical aspect of the game. The athleticism, the game play, etc. What I can’t stand is the mindless fawning, worship and hedonism towards the players. They aren’t gods. They are overpaid men with egos that need to be deflated.

      • SpyGlassez August 15, 2011, 6:41 pm

        And seriously – why the HELL do we pay football coaches so much? They don’t do jack. “Run your sweaty ass into some other dude. Get up. Repeat.”

        What the actual fuck?

    • AKchic August 15, 2011, 1:15 pm

      *laugh* I feel that way sometimes too – but I kind of think that I feel that way because Alaska really doesn’t have any professional sports. We have one semi-professional hockey team (GO ACES!) and two local baseball teams, but they are feeder teams. I think they feed to the minors, or they are the minors. I don’t know because I really don’t keep up. We just aren’t suited for professional teams.

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  • MsMisery August 12, 2011, 12:39 pm

    Just as long as he’s not still building his Secret Fallout Shelter and just not telling you about it anymore, I guess…

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    • Budjer August 12, 2011, 2:49 pm

      But what if they end up needing it?!

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  • Amber August 12, 2011, 12:43 pm

    …or he just doesn’t talk to you about his beliefs anymore, since you are clearly one of “them”.

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    • Lydia August 12, 2011, 1:03 pm

      If he really thought that, why would he still date her?

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      • Amber August 12, 2011, 1:19 pm

        I was being facetious.

      • CMF August 12, 2011, 1:39 pm

        To keep tabs on her, of course. She’s his plant on the dark side. Sheesh, obvious.

      • Amber August 12, 2011, 3:16 pm


  • David Jay August 12, 2011, 1:02 pm

    When he starts wearing the tinfoil hat… MOVE ON!! 🙂

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  • Allissa August 12, 2011, 4:07 pm

    Eh….I get caught up in certain phases too, get all excited about it. I was into stories about Mount Everest for awhile. Read a bunch of books, watched movies, read blogs from climbers, my family thought I was weird. Maybe I was/am but still enjoy it.

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    • Pie August 18, 2011, 6:01 pm

      My mom was obsessed with Mount Everest, too! Then she moved on to Arctic explorers, then famous shipwrecks. Obsessions give life some zip. I can’t judge the conspiracy theory guy too harshly, because, off and on, I believe in cryptids, and try to get my bf to believe in them, too.

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