Updates: “Disgruntled Bridesmaid” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Disgruntled Bridesmaid” who was frustrated that she said “yes” to an old friend’s request to be in her wedding and was suddenly stuck planning both a bachelorette part and a bridal shower as the other bridesmaids shirked any responsibility. After the jump, find out how the bachelorette party went and whether she was stuck paying for (and planning) the whole thing herself.

Shortly after reading your advice, I got another call from the bride about the bachelorette party. I tried my best to calmly and politely explain that I really do not have the time or funds to do this on my own. I also was upfront with the bride that her sister and the other bridesmaids were ignoring me as well. The bride completely understood and she said one of her co-workers had been helping her with some wedding logistics, so the co-worker and I planned the bachelorette together. The party was last weekend and a great success. The bride’s mother was so happy we planned it, she paid for a limo for us and offered to let us stay over her house afterward. It certainly helped save some cash. To top it all off, the bride’s co-worker and I became friends and we’ll be roommates for the wedding (saving more money)!

Overall, I’ll spend close to $400 on this wedding. While not ideal, it could have been much worse financially and I’ll think twice about accepting bridesmaids offers in the future. Either way, the bride and her mom were so thankful, and I was happy my situation was mostly understood and appreciated. Thanks again!

Wonderful update — glad to hear it all went well. Hope the wedding is just as successful.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.


  1. artsygirl says:

    Yay and wonderful that you made a new friend though your hard work.

  2. TheOtherMe says:

    That’s wonderful, good for you !

    I am also curious on how the sister and other bridesmaids were acting around you…after having ignored your requests for help.

  3. JennyTalia says:

    Is anyone else surprised by how LITTLE she spent on this wedding? I went to a wedding last month and probably paid about the same amount between the shower, bachelorette party, and gift – and I was just a guest.

    1. missarissa says:

      Exact same sentiment. Throw in buying a dress and shoes? (It was black tie, bf needed to rent a tux too). I asked my sister if we really had to spend 500-1000 bucks on every freaking wedding, and it turns out, thats about the norm for my social circle. I’ve been lucky that only one of my friends has gotten married, but over the last month 4 more have gotten engaged. I better start putting in overtime and brown bag lunch.

      1. IcedVentiRedEyeGuy - in Chitown bay-bay! says:

        …or get yourself a new set of friends?

    2. plasticepoxy says:

      I was just sitting here thinking the exact opposite! Of course, I’ve only been to a handful of weddings and a bridesmaid only once, when I was 19, for my sister. My mom must have paid for my dress (which was like $90) and anything else a bridesmaid pays for. I just realized I probably didn’t even get my sister a present, do you think it’s too late 11 years after the fact?

      I haven’t spent more than $75 on a wedding, as a guest or attendant.

  4. MasterKat says:

    I was a groomsmaid (in the wedding party but on the groom’s side) and I paid about $900. To clarify, this was for a destination wedding that included a cruise. The actual groomsmaid dress cost me $75 on clearance from J-Crew and the couple told everyone who came not to bother with gifts because it was a destination wedding. So, yeah, $400 is pretty steep if it’s just a normal wedding. It’s about what I would expect for a bridesmaid though.

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