It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Feeling Pathetic” who refused to believe her boyfriend had a wife and kids, even though after two years together he still wouldn’t let her see where he lived. Keep reading to see where things stand between them now.
After you posted a response to my letter and I read through all the comments, and I felt as if I had finally been slapped in the face. I guess my real final straw was after I asked my boyfriend to spend NYE with me and he informed me he would come over from 10:30PM-12AM and then leave, coming back at 9AM the next day. Right there, I stopped him and told him goodbye. I thought it would be harder, but I think what made it easy was that instead of him fighting for me, he asked me: “Is that your final answer?”. I was furious – I wanted to slap him. He also informed me that I could see his home in two months, because his lease was up in two months and I would be allowed to see his apartment before he moved to his new one.
I feel mad and so disappointed in myself for being blind to this for so long, and it was so hard for my friends and family to not say “I told you so.” It took a lot of courage for me to not answer his calls or run back to his arms, but I am completely proud of myself for doing so. I have been going out and having a more positive outlook on life. I even have been on a few really fun dates. I realized that I need to work on myself and that there is somebody out there who will treat me the way I deserve, and to never settle for less. I also realize that if I don’t see a guy’s place in the first month of dating, he can turn around and find somebody else.
Even though I already knew the answer to my question, I am so grateful that I sent it in to you because reading all these comments from complete strangers really opened my eyes. Thank you again for taking the time to answer my question, it was a great push for a new year. — Feeling Strong
Good for you for being strong and moving on. Hopefully now in the future, you won’t settle for shifty, shady behavior.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
AKchic_ March 1, 2012, 1:12 pm
Glad the LW moved on.
Chiara March 1, 2012, 1:15 pm
I love these stories of triumph.. And although I don’t know her, she’s exactly the type of woman that needs to be placed in front of women making the same mistakes.. We all make them. We’re all blind to reality because illusions and mirages are easier to bare. Sometimes we really need a support group to guide us back to reality and show us our worth. Good girl! So very happy for her & hope she finds all the happiness she deserves! This is the kind of stuff I love reading and writing about!
lets_be_honest March 1, 2012, 1:21 pm
We all need a wakeup call sometimes. Glad it worked. Best of luck to you.
FancyPants March 1, 2012, 1:23 pm
I love updates like this. Best of luck to you, LW, things are about to get better in your life 🙂
ReginaRey March 1, 2012, 1:23 pm
If I could give you a standing ovation right now, LW, I would. That last letter was…pretty far gone. Look what an example you’ve made! In two months, you went from “feeling pathetic” and having no self-worth to taking a stand and getting all of that self-worth back in your control. I hope you’re proud of yourself. I’m really proud of you, that’s for sure.
mcminnem March 1, 2012, 1:57 pm
I still kind of want to find out whether he was actually married, or just being a big bag of dicks.
Either way, well done LW! No one needs that kind of treatment in their life, and it sounds like you’re on your way to better things!
CollegeCat March 1, 2012, 3:56 pm
I think not letting her see the apartment until his lease was up says it all. I mean he gets his family moved into the new place and gives her a glimpse of the unoccupied place before he leaves to join them. See now you’ve seen my place! lol what a d-bag!
Budj March 1, 2012, 4:01 pm
haha I know…wtf…
AKchic_ March 1, 2012, 6:15 pm
“yep, here’s my empty apartment. I feel real silly not letting you see it before, but at least you get to see it before I move, right? Well, this is my last night in the ol place, wanna christen it before we leave? What? My new place? Well, it’s not set up yet, it’s still all boxes and tape and packing peanuts. Let me show it to you when it’s all done up nice. Did you do something with your hair…?”
Miss V March 1, 2012, 11:26 pm
Dick move of the week indeed! Good for you for moving on! I have also been learning to never settle for anything less than an honest relationship. Once your gut gets in touch with your head and heart in these situations, I’ve been learning it’s really liberating calling these assholes out on their bullshit and cutting ties! Stay strong and don’t go missin’ the dissin’ (trust me, I’m telling me that too!)
Guy Friday March 2, 2012, 5:40 pm
Yeah, I know I sometimes post the “male perspective”, but jesus. If you’re going to come up with a crap line, at least make it a little less transparent than that.
Budj March 1, 2012, 2:08 pm
Will.i.am March 1, 2012, 2:12 pm
Give me some skin on the black hand side! (I’m black)
Mel March 1, 2012, 2:23 pm
That’s a new expression for me. How does that work? :I
Will.i.am March 1, 2012, 2:27 pm
Ever watched any black movies from the 70s and 80s? I think the black hand side is when you hold your palm out and I give you some skin. I’m in a bit of a goofy mood now. I’m punch drunk on Ecudaorian food at my work desk.
AKchic_ March 1, 2012, 6:18 pm
I think the last time I heard that expression was watching a TERRIBLE movie that I can’t even remember the name of. I just remember that the “bad guy” was called “Sho Nuf”. He was played by a guy who also played as Lord Bowler on The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.
The Last Dragon? Maybe. Can’t remember. I just know it’s a really, REALLY bad movie. Epically bad.
Will.i.am March 1, 2012, 9:56 pm
Yes, it was The Last Dragon. The black Bruce Lee character was named Sho Nuff. Not that it’s confession time, but I’m pretty lit watching basketball on my couch right now. I haven’t drank, alone, in I don’t know how long. I forgot how awesome it can be!
Will.i.am March 1, 2012, 9:57 pm
Not Sho Nuff. Leroy.
Mlippart March 2, 2012, 5:39 am
no, she’s right- Sho Nuff was the shogun, the main badguy. The good guy’s name was Bruce Leroy. Such a kick ass movie 🙂
Mlippart March 2, 2012, 5:40 am
sorry, misread your post- feel free to ignore
Renee March 1, 2012, 2:22 pm
FA March 1, 2012, 2:30 pm
If RR is proud of you, you have nothing else to do in life. You can die now.
LolaBeans March 1, 2012, 9:07 pm
Hahahahaa… this made me laugh really hard. so funny
Addie Pray March 1, 2012, 9:58 pm
Haha – seriously.
landygirl March 1, 2012, 2:42 pm
Good for you LW. Rather than looking for someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, start being the person who treats yourself well. Once you feel good about yourself, you’ll be less inclined to let other people treat you poorly.
redessa March 1, 2012, 3:07 pm
“…I would be allowed to see his apartment before he moved to his new one.”
What the… WHA???? Let me guess, you could swing by and see it after he got all his furniture out – in other words, after removing the evidence of this wife and kids? What about the new place? Was he going to “allow” you to see it?
I am so glad you’ve moved on from this sleezy slimeball. On the off chance that he’s not married, he’s got control issues out the wazoo! Neither is a best-case scenario. I just hope others reading this can learn from your experience as well.
Le Pinch March 1, 2012, 3:49 pm
I am very proud of you LW for not taking any more BS excuses from this guy, I wish others had the guts to say goodbye when you did instead of wasting time on some shady dirtbag. Good for you!
AndreaMarie March 2, 2012, 1:47 pm
Good for you LW. How ridiculous….he was going to let you see his place after his wife and children had moved out…unbelievable. Congrats for being so strong and not giving in to the temptation to reach out to him. That’s always the hardest part.