It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Ghosted Fifty-Something” who wrote in last month when her boyfriend (also in his 50s) ghosted her after eight months together. She wrote: “It’s definitely over for him. I just don’t know why, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what I did or didn’t do. There were some signs of slight pulling away, but that happens with anyone at times. Up until now we talked or connected every day and it was good; now, it’s like he evaporated. There’s a huge hole in my heart and life with zero closure.” Her update – with closure — below:
I found out on Facebook what happened, and it was easy. He had been cheating on me for at least a couple months, and she had posted they were “in a relationship” a month prior to his ghosting me. This was the absolute last thing I thought had happened; I thought he was messed up or I messed it up. He told me he would never, ever cheat on someone as that’s so painful. Here he was seeing someone else while telling me I was the love of his life and he was planning a future with me. I believed all those words that had no actions to back them up.
Then I started thinking of all the reasons why he’d do that and, of course, it had to do with my being not good enough. I put a stop to that thinking; he’s a weak man to have done all that — lie to me, lie to his family and friends, and not just tell me it was over when he met someone else.
The lesson learned here is that he lied to me from the beginning about his living situation. Shame on me for thinking he had quit lying. I should have dumped his ass the second I found out about his adept ability for storytelling. I learned the hard way, but I learned.
Thank you for listening.
Thanks for your update. I’m sorry for the pain Roger and his lies caused, and I hope you won’t let this experience harden you and close you off to future potential relationships. You cannot always avoid dating someone who may lie or hurt you, but there were definitely some red flags with Roger early on that you ignored or didn’t give as much weight to as they warranted. Please take the relationship as an important reminder to pay closer attention to such red flags going forward and to end a relationship if you’re gut is telling you something is off. Your instincts can save you more pain in the future!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.