Updates: “Gigi Responds”

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from Gigi, the swinger in an open relationship who was considering sleeping with a man whose wife was unable to have sex and wanted to find a woman for her husband to screw. “To me, this doesn’t sound like a woman who is ‘absolutely sure’ she wants this to happen,” Gigi said. “I am very capable of having sex with someone and having it mean absolutely nothing. But I also am not sure I could do it knowing that this wife is sitting at home thinking about what her husband is doing.” Keep reading to see what Gigi decided to do.

So…I decided to proceed with caution and ask more questions. And the wife was very, very convincing. She sent me her personal email, rather than the anonymous one that CL uses. We talked about our similar upbringing in religious families and how she was done having children now and so therefore was feeling guilty/dirty about sex now that it wasn’t for procreation. She also claimed to be seeing a sex therapist at a well-known local med center, as well as trying topical testosterone to try to help her libido. We exchanged emails for about 10 days, and I finally agreed to meet him, coffee or drinks only.

The husband then started emailing me, from a different personal email. I kind of felt something wasn’t quite right; her emails had been very eloquent, perfect spelling, punctuation, etc. His first email was a mess, frankly. To the point where it seemed artificially bad. After that first bad one, his, too, became well-stated thoughts and paragraphs, free of misspelled words and errors. Interesting. Anyway, after a few days, I set a time and place to meet and talk. He cancelled the night before, due to a Boy Scout activity. He did apologize profusely, he wanted to set another meeting time, and I said it would have to wait since I had a very busy week coming up. He was fine with that, but Tuesday I answered one of his emails and it came back “permanently undeliverable – no account for this user.” Hmmmm….

Later that afternoon, I got an email stating that he was having email problems and, if I had sent anything, to try again. So I re-sent it, and it went through. That was the last I heard from him. I reached out one more time, to say that I assumed their situation had changed and good luck, etc. It came back undeliverable again. So I sent it to the wife’s email, just on a hunch, and it also came back with the same message, permanently undeliverable.

So, I guess a bullet dodged? It’s hard for me to fathom that a guy would go to that extent to get laid: faking a wife, setting up multiple email accounts, having an incredibly detailed back-story . . . But I suppose stranger things have happened. The other option is, of course, that, as I set up a meeting, things got too “real” and they scrapped the whole idea.

Interesting! I’d say at the very least, you dodged a bullet. Maybe even literally.


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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  1. If you want to have your 10 minutes of fame, I’m sure you could go on Catfish: the TV show for that. “I got multiple emails from this woman who wanted me to sleep with her husband. Then all the email accounts were deleted! I’m wondering if this person is really who I thought she was and if she was telling me the truth! I still want to meet her husband! Help!”
    Gosh, this last season of the show was just so bad… It feels like everybody is already aware they are being catfished, they just want to appear on TV.

    1. uh, no way! I feel dumb enough already just telling you guys about it! 🙂

  2. Yikes! It definitely sounds fishy to me. Glad you escaped from whatever it was!

  3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

    Hey thanks for the update, I was wondering about this!

  4. I remember the original letter.

    Was positive it was a fake wife at the time.

    For the record: there is almost no limits to the amount of effort a man will put into to get laid.

    1. snarkymarc says:

      I don’t know about that. Sometimes I have troubling listening. Visiting the in-laws is troublesome. I draw the line at saying “I’m sorry”.

      1. something random says:

        Ha. What if it was a sure thing though?

      2. something random says:

        And what if it promised to be about you? We all have a price…

      3. snarkymarc says:

        Yes, I do have a price, but as you said it depends on what I’m getting. Maybe George Kastanza called it correctly – sex while eating a hogie. That would be the pinnacle!

      4. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Or lobster baked mac and cheese!
        What was the quote from that cheesy ass movie that nevertheless makes me cry ugly tears: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry?” Which I call bullshit. “Love” means always having to say you’re sorry!
        Other deep thoughts: isn’t it so weird how “nevertheless” is one word?

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