It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Going Broke Going to Weddings” who asked if it was necessary to buy a gift for a wedding (with no registry and where only cash is a suggested gift option) when she was already spending hundreds of dollars on traveling to the event and the bachelorette party. “I don’t know if I’m being an asshole thinking I shouldn’t be expected to also give a monetary gift? A lot of people say if it’s a good friend, then I should, but I’m struggling to agree. If it were me, I would tell anyone travelling to not even think about giving me a gift, but not everyone would have the same sentiment.”
A quick update below:
Well, I spoke with another bridesmaid who was in the same position as I was (and earns far more money), and she also wondered if we had to give the cash gift as requested. So, with power in numbers, we both decided to get something sentimental rather than cash from us and our partners.
I got the bride and groom a nice bottle of anniversary wine in a box, and when I gave it to my friend she said something along the lines of “OMG, you didn’t have to get me anything, you’ve already done enough by being here and travelling so far.”
The lesson for me is, when/if I get married, to communicate these things for my bridal party to save on extra stress and confusion!
I’m sure she would have been happy with a card, but I think in the end the wine was a great middle ground between it all.
You can never go wrong with a nice bottle of wine (well, unless the recipient can’t drink!), and if it’s presented in a pretty box and meant to be enjoyed on an anniversary, even better. Glad it all worked out and you learned a lesson for if/when you have your own wedding one day.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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JD September 19, 2018, 6:48 am
Perfect gift! Glad it went well and the bride was so gracious. I know they will think of you when they open that bottle in a year.