Updates: “Hands Off My Man!” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Hands Off My Man!” who was upset that her boyfriend’s boss seemed to be seducing him and the boyfriend wasn’t doing much to stop her. Keep reading to find out how the situation has changed.

I read the advice and found it really interesting, and all the comments were illuminating as well! I actually have an update for you, as something happened just this evening to sort of make the letter I wrote moot. But first…I noticed a lot of commenters were curious about my boyfriend’s and my ages. I actually left that information out of the letter purposely. I didn’t want to have to explain the whole situation and defend the relationship and everything, because it is a bit unorthodox. I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 20, which I know sounds like a huge age difference, and I’m sure it’s making everyone go: “Ahhh, well there’s your problem…” but actually, we have a great relationship. I dropped out of college to be musician, so we’re both at similar places in our lives. He’s mature for his age and I’m a bit immature for my age (I mean, compared to my friends with careers and mortgages and babies). At the same time, because of his age, he can be immature in some ways. I don’t doubt he was enjoying his boss’ attention and the extra perks of her crush, but he also didn’t really get how serious it was.

Tonight at their holiday party she got completely wasted and threw herself at him by backing him into a corner and trying to kiss him. He was really freaked out and told me all about it. So now he definitely understands why I was upset about it, and will be transferring away from that location after the new year. So all’s well that ends well!

Thanks again for all the help, you guys definitely helped me look at the situation in new lights!

Thanks for the update!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.


  1. Oh my. It’s kind of crazy that it took her drunkenly throwing herself at him for him to realize that hey, maybe my girlfriend had a point. I’m glad he’s transferring and you’re happy, though.

    1. Not really…men aren’t known for picking up on “hints.” They don’t analyze everything to death like women tend to. He probably just thought she was really friendly and fun until the holiday party incident.

  2. Painted_lady says:

    Oh, boys. My smart, sensible boyfriend was similarly clueless about his nutty ex Sybil (the one I mentioned) until my irritation and her actions were pretty much clubbing him over the head. About certain things, even the best of straight boys will be completely blind. Granted, I tend to think it’s intentional blindness, though not malicious in the least (exchanging female attention for not having a direct confrontation? Awesome!). But a little thickheadedness is hardly a capital offense.

  3. Yay for updates. I wish more LW’s would update 🙁

    Happy everything ended well fro you!

  4. stilgar666 says:

    Men that age usually don’t listen to their girlfriends enough.

  5. I’m glad to hear he will be transferring and that you are happy! However, I’m a bit confused as to why you thought you would be judged here for a 7 year age difference. Age is just a number! You said that maturity-wise you are compatible and that’s what matters. Good luck to you both!

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