Updates: “Job Hunter” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Job Hunter,” a brand new college grad who felt pressured by a friend to take a job offer from the company she’d interned with. “She said that I should accept the offer and keep looking, which I find ethically immoral. In addition, she got very upset that I didn’t feel blessed for receiving the offer or was somehow spoiled for being able to be choosy in my decision. Is she jealous of my freedom of choice, or is there a deeper rift forming in our relationship?” I told the LW she was being ridiculous and that she should listen to her friend who had solid advice. Keep reading to see how she is now, over four years later.

Years ago, I wrote you about my making my first “grown up” decision – getting my first post-college job. Looking back, I think my letter was more about being afraid of what life would be like after graduation, losing relationships with people I viewed as close friends, and growing up. I’ve never been the type of person who makes friends easily or maintains close relationships with multiple people, so potentially losing friends was the hardest part. The friend I mentioned was also my first college friend – my freshman roommate. She had made, what seemed to me, a huge circle of new friends during college, and I felt left out and left behind with my 3-5 close friends. She also decided to graduate a semester early. At that time, I thought that if I didn’t make a decision about post-graduate life (aka a job), then maybe she wasn’t going to graduate and leave me with one less friend.

I still text occasionally with her, but I haven’t seen her since graduation, partially because she moved halfway across the country and partially because we aren’t that close. Over time, we’ve just grown apart.

Since then, I did accept the job mentioned in the initial post and am still at the same company. I generally like my job, and it fits my lifestyle and professional goals well. On the personal front, I’ve developed and lost friendships with people whom I didn’t even know in 2011, and I’ve grown closer to some friends I had but didn’t know as well back then. My closest friend now is someone I met in high school but didn’t become close to until three or so years ago. I’ve also moved in with my boyfriend from college. (We’ve been together for over five years now!) I’m doing great, and I’ve realized most of this is all part of getting older.

Thanks for the advice!

Thank you for the update! The transition from college to the “real world” is always a little turbulent. Good for you for being self-aware, if not immediately, then at least soon after, about where your anxieties truly lay. And congrats on staying with the same company for this long. It’s wonderful if you can find a career and job you love and are passionate about, but, for many people, simply having a job you like ok that supports the life you love is enough. Best wishes as you continue navigating your 20s and learning what is most important and meaningful to you.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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One Comment

bittergaymark says:

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Hah. Nobody is commenting on this update as it just seems so bizarre… in that the LW claims that the issue was something that NONE of us saw in her original letter… I am glad that she took the advice of her original friend, I guess. Although the LW seems to not even give that matter much thought… Strange.