Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Lonely Gay” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Lonely Gay,” whose boyfriend was upset that, after over a year together, the LW still hadn’t introduced him to his family. The LW only came out of the closet after he started dating his boyfriend, and he wrote: “It took time for my family to be comfortable with my being gay and it’s only been a year since I told them. He, on the other hand, has been out to most of his family for years and they are all comfortable with it. Plus, his parents are younger than mine and he also has a gay brother. I understand that it’s customary to [introduce a significant other to one’s family] after a certain amount of time has elapsed. But, honestly, I don’t know how to talk about it with my family. Eventually, I would like to invite him over for dinner with them, but I don’t know how to navigate this situation. I love my boyfriend and he is amazing to me, and I don’t want issues like this to affect our relationship.” This letter was from almost three and a half years ago. Did the LW ever introduce his boyfriend to his family? Are they still together? An update, below:

I saved your email, and I thought I’d give you an update after all these years! Eventually, my boyfriend did meet my brother and sister, we have been on outings and what not, and everything is good. As far as my parents are concerned, they are accepting of me and I am in a really good place with them. After all this time, my boyfriend has barely met my mom, and, to be honest, that is okay. My mom may never accept him, but they have met and things are fine.

I realized that my boyfriend and I put too much emphasis on him meeting my parents. With their kids’ relationships, my parents are are not so interactive. They are not big into throwing little events or having everyone over. That’s just how they are. It took them a long time to meet my brother’s girlfriend, now wife. My sister has a boyfriend and he hasn’t met any of us yet although they have been dating for two years.

I also realized I just wanted to keep the peace within my family. I know I shouldn’t have cared [what they thought], but I do since I love them very much and they have done so much for me, which is why I didn’t push the issue of introducing them to my boyfriend too soon. I’m glad I waited. I don’t know if the outcome would have been so great if they’d met him sooner.

Fast forward to today, and I am still with my boyfriend after all this time and we are better than ever. He supports and respects me. I do so hope in the future that my dad will eventually meet him, but if the two don’t meet, that’s okay too.

In the end, my commitment to my boyfriend isn’t contingent on my family’s acceptance.

Wonderful update – thank you! I’m so glad that you and your boyfriend are still together and doing better than ever. Best wishes to you both on continued happiness!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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2 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Hannanas February 19, 2018, 2:13 pm

    Oh my that is just such a beautiful update! So happy for you guys. Thanks LW for putting a smile on my face.

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  • avatar

    dinoceros February 19, 2018, 5:08 pm

    Yay!

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