It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Lost the Love Lottery” whose boyfriend of nine months decided he needed to take a break to “get all his ducks in a row” right after his mother won $2.6 million in the lottery. “I can’t decide if he’s legitimately feeling overwhelmed and needs a few days of space, or if he was having doubts about our relationship and this has provided a convenient excuse,” she wrote. After the jump, find out what the status of their relationship is today.
We talked every day during the course of the break and it really seemed like everything was getting back to normal, and he was working on getting his thoughts together. Then one night, a week after he decided he needed a break, he was cold and withdrawn while we were talking. The next day, he started chatting with me on MSN (I was at school) and I mentioned that I was beginning to get frustrated with waiting for an answer from him. He said “I’ve thought about it and I’ve made up my mind.” He then proceeded to break up with me over MSN (of all things!), because he had been thinking about when he would say ‘I love you’ and then realized he didn’t actually love me.
Needless to say, I was pretty devastated…I had (ironically) thought that he was going to say ‘I love you’ any day and a few days before the break, we’d begun planning a trip to Europe in June to celebrate our one-year anniversary. I feel betrayed and deceived (because I had truly thought that everything was fine), sad that he obviously didn’t care enough to try and make things work, and pissed because he’d ended it in the most cowardly way possible. After our brief MSN conversation, which ended with “okay, I really need to get going,” we had no further contact.
So, sadly, this didn’t have the outcome I wanted. I know that I’m better off without someone who doesn’t love me, but it was still a crappy and unexpected breakup. I’m still reeling a little bit, but I suppose the positive side is that now, wherever I end up for school in September, I can go there without feeling guilty about leaving someone behind. — Lost the Love Lottery
He broke up with you over IM? Man, that sucks. Stay strong, lady. This just means there’s someone better for you out there and one day you’re going to be glad you dodged this bullet.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
AnitaBath February 9, 2011, 11:48 am
I still think he wanted to be around his mom to get some of the cash.
callmehobo February 9, 2011, 2:12 pm
or explore the hook up options now available to him since he’s now “wealthy by association”
Chicago_Dan February 9, 2011, 4:50 pm
MissDre February 9, 2011, 6:37 pm
I knew a guy who had been with his gf for years… Then he became a millionaire through poker tournaments and promptly dumped her. You never know. I don’t think callmehobo is trying to slander him… I’m sure lots of women would do the same thing. People can be fickle!
callmehobo February 10, 2011, 5:51 pm
Thanks MissDre, I’m not trying to slander- I just think that money makes people crazy, and often times, a little selfish. It doesn’t do that to everybody- but you gotta admit that it does happen a lot to people who suddenly come into it….
ArtsyGirl February 9, 2011, 12:19 pm
Sorry to hear that this turned out so badly. Who knows what is going on with him especially based on his bipolar behavior. Also, LAME way to break up – though of course it might not have been advisable for you to broach the subject over MSN. I am not blaming you in anyway over that, but it might have been better to wait until you could see him face to face before you told him that you wanted to know where your relationship was heading. Best of luck with school!
llclarityll February 9, 2011, 1:34 pm
Artsy, his behavior isn’t bipolar — there was nothing said about him having a mental illness. The kid is just a coward who clearly has another agenda and can’t be honest with her.
ArtsyGirly February 9, 2011, 4:46 pm
I didn’t mean it to suggest bipolar as in he had a mental illness but rather that he is being hot and cold -first letting the LW believe they were getting back together and then pulling away and being cold and distant. I am sorry if you took offense to my use of the term, but the BF was sending out some serious mixed signals according to the letter.
bitter gay mark February 9, 2011, 2:17 pm
Devil’s Advocate here… a.k.a. the evil Instant Messaging dumping boyfriend’s point of view…. Look, I realize that breaking up with her over IM probably wasn’t ideal. That said, there she was — online, hounding him (after only a week, I might add) for news of his decision. Even going so far as to say, “I am getting frustrated waiting for an answer…” Maybe he just thought it would be cruel to just not have it out then and there. Maybe he had a crazy schedule that week. Maybe he didn’t want to leave her hanging in frustration for another day or two —- or even a few hours —- until her could simply tell her face to face the honest truth. The LW writer said that she was at school at the time, which seemed to imply that they couldn’t meet up right then and there face to face. Again — I stress that her own words here were “I’M KINDA GETTING FRUSTRATED WAITING…” Hey, she wanted an answer then and there. And unfortunately, she got it….
Look, I’ve been dumped a bunch of times. And you know what — the fabulous sit down dinner or chat over coffee has truly never made it any better. At least not for me. One time I got even dumped in the middle of bowling night with mutual friends and he wanted to finish out the night with our buddies, oh, and he had driven me there… Yeah, that was a longggggggg three games. God, how I would have loved for him to have dumped me on IM instead.
Again, it’s real simple Ladies (and Men!), if you don’t WANT to be dumped online (absolutely understandable) then don’t all but demand an answer as to whether or not your relationship is ending WHILE online. 😉 Frankly, in my opinion, she backed him into a corner here.
Laurel February 9, 2011, 5:06 pm
Actually, I prefer phone / IM breakups for this reason. No awkward goodbyes, no pretending to be okay in public.
MissDre February 9, 2011, 6:24 pm
Happened to me too… My ex suddenly came up with all these reasons why he needed space, and I was so confused. First he said he might have to move back to his home country. Then he said he was too young to be so serious and needed to think about things. Then he told me something else. Then he told me something else. I was hella confused and wanted to do whatever I could to fix it. Unfortunately what I didn’t know then was that if I had any hope of fixing things, the best solution would have been to leave him alone til he was ready to talk to me.
But, I sent him an email and told him he had to make up his mind about whether he wanted to be with me, cuz it wasn’t fair to leave me hanging in agony. And so, he emailed me back and broke up with me. That was asking for it, wasn’t it. Oh well. Lesson learned. Everything happens for a reason. I’m happier now. Blah blah blah.
Sypher February 9, 2011, 3:32 pm
I personally think that he wanted to play the field as a wealthy player. He probably wants to live “the life.” Let him live his shallow life for years and be surrounded by gold diggers and debts. Forgive him for yourself (and not necessarily his benefit) and move on and live your life the best way you can. This was a person who did not deserve you (he could not if he could so easily have a change of heart, once money entered the picture).
The best revenge is truly living well–you won’t have time for regrets because you are spending the energy on you own happiness–it’s also way healthier emotionally for you.
Good luck 🙂
Megan February 9, 2011, 4:43 pm
Sorry, that sucks! But hey, now you know the guy wasn’t all that considerate and you can find someone new and start over! I’ve actually heard of a worse way to end a relationship. My sister once had a guy break up with her in a voicemail. If that wasn’t bad enough, he called a few days later to make sure she was checking her voicemail!
Chicago_Dan February 9, 2011, 4:51 pm
Who cares what he wanted to do post-breakup?
– get some $
– get more ass…
I think BGM is on to something…that’s some tough love there, buddy.
fast eddie February 10, 2011, 9:32 am
Money changes everything but you’ve got your own life to live, so get it on.