It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Love or Security” a woman in her late 20s who was dating a screenwriter with an inconsistent work schedule and unstable finances. She was happy with him, but she was worried about some comments her father made: “[He] mapped out how much money I would be missing out on if I chose to stay with my boyfriend. He also spoke about retirement (for me) and how difficult it would be for me to live comfortably given my boyfriend’s situation. He brought up good points about how money can build resentment and cause fights between a couple.” She wondered if she should MOA or stay with her boyfriend and risk financial instability in her future. Keep reading to see what she chose.
I want to say first of all that your reply and everyone else’s comments were very helpful and comforting. It was good to know that there were other women caught in the same scenario. I didn’t feel judged, and people gave me the benefit of the doubt and provided realistic suggestions.
So my update is that after I sent the original post to you, I actually broke up with my boyfriend. I felt overwhelmed by my parent’s negative pressure and it was affecting my relationship. I was irritable, and, unfortunately, all the stress stayed with me when I was spending time with him. So I broke up with him and buried myself in work for a month. After a month went by, we checked in with each other and found both of us were still sad and wished the other person was in our life. After talking about all my fears and the reasons that compelled me to break things off in the first place, we decided to get back together. We’ve been together since — it’s been close to 4 years in total.
I still have concerns about the future (since my last letter, he found a one-year contract that’s provided steady income) but I do know which are my concerns and which are my parents’ and have been able to talk to him more about them. I don’t know what lies ahead after this one year contract ends, but I have more confidence in him and us that we’ll be okay.
On the parental front, during the time we were broken up, I was also very distant from my parents as I hated the way they approached the situation and how, from my perspective, they forced me to choose between my boyfriend and them. I think my parents realized that they stepped over a line, and, when we got back together, I was very reluctant to talk about my relationship with them. A year after we got back together, my parents met my boyfriend and seem to really like him. They seem much more on board with our relationship although I’m sure they still worry.
Thanks again to you and your readers for the supportive comments two years ago.
Thank you for the update. It sounds like you’re practicing good communication and you’re learning to not let your parents’ expectations affect you as much. Best of luck to a happy future!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Bittergaymark March 28, 2013, 2:11 pm
As a FAILED screenwriter myself I would seriously NEVER advise dating one. Trust me on this, it’s a miserable life…
Addie Pray March 28, 2013, 2:47 pm
Hey you, turn that frown upside down! <—- don't you want to punch people that say that?
Also, marky mark (and LW's bf), you just need ONE success and then you can bask in all the fame, fortune, and booty that comes flying your way!
I'm so chipper today, someone punch me.
csp March 28, 2013, 3:06 pm
It reminds me of Morgan Freeman who didn’t get his big break until he was 40 something. Then it took off. BGM might just be in the second act of his story.
Lily in NYC March 28, 2013, 2:56 pm
Well, my best friend, a playwright/screenwriter who was really struggling, just got hired to write for a huge HBO show. So you never know.
FireStar March 28, 2013, 2:38 pm
Once your partner isn’t a drain on you then you should be fine because you should be able to provide for yourself. Maybe I missed it but I didn’t see where you say what you do for a living. Once your job affords you the income you want then you are fine.
Addie Pray March 28, 2013, 2:48 pm
Addie Pray March 28, 2013, 2:56 pm
I love updates from really old letters – because it’s fun to read over the comments and see how far the commenters have come!
Grilledcheesecalliope March 28, 2013, 4:10 pm
I dont think I would have taken her back if I was the bf.
ReginaRey March 28, 2013, 4:11 pm
I’m with AP — old updates are almost like going back and reading your own diary. Since that last comment, I have broken up with the boyfriend I mentioned, gotten back together with him, and broken up again (for good, I swear).
As for your update, LW, I’m glad you were able to distinguish your parents’ opinions from your own. Maybe I’m reading your letter a little wrong, but I still worry that your tone isn’t overly enthused about your relationship. And I want to mention, for this relationship or for ANY romantic relationship ever, make sure they inspire you. Inspiration comes in a million different forms, but if who you’re partnered with isn’t some who inspires you; who makes you passionate; who you respect; who you’re really proud to be partnered with…think twice about the relationship. Maybe this is you, maybe it isn’t. But I just want to throw it out there.
Addie Pray March 28, 2013, 4:17 pm
Ha, when I was reading over the comments on this particular letter I was thinking about you and Anna.
Anna March 29, 2013, 2:30 am
Wow that was two years ago! Yeah, things have definitely changed as far as how I feel about the now-ex. But I still agree with two-years-ago-me that a guy does not have to make a lot of money to be worth having a relationship with. As long as he has work ethic, can pay his own bills, and responsibly holds down a job, I don’t care if he’s a factory worker or whatever. In the words of J-Lo, my love don’t cost a thing!
fast eddie March 28, 2013, 6:45 pm
I love happy endings…