Updates: “Moved to Write” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Moved to Write” who worried that it was “anti-feminist” to move across the country to live with her long-distance boyfriend. After the jump, find out whether she decided to make the move or not.

To begin with, I really appreciated your advice. I have a tendency to get a little over-thinky sometimes, and you helped me to calm down a bit. I mean, deciding under which circumstances to move to be nearer an awesome guy isn’t exactly a global warming-level crisis.

Since I wrote I’ve taken a (terrible!) temp job to save up money for around three months of living expenses after I make my move. I’m almost there, and I plan to quit my job, quit temping (yay!), and make my move next month. I’ve also got a number of extremely promising job prospects in place. My boyfriend has a friend whose wife is in my field and who has an enormous contact list and a similarly sized heart. She and I have gotten to be pretty close friends over the past few months, so I’m excited about that and grateful for the help she’s been giving me.

My move -will- be boyfriend financed, and I’ll be moving in with him. Just in case the moving in doesn’t work out, the bf and I worked out a deal. Once I find a job, I’ll set up a savings account into which I’ll monthly deposit “rent.” At the end of three months, I can take the money and use it move into a place of my own or take him on an awesome vacation for our two-year anniversary.

I really appreciated Wendy’s (and other’s) reminder that this move would be mutually beneficial and that it would probably be a good investment for us both.

One thing that underpinned a lot of my anxiety–and that I didn’t discuss much in my initial letter–was a concern that I was kind of a, um, chippy. My boyfriend is a bit older and is better educated, more successful, and a lot wealthier than I am. I’m more conventionally attractive than he is. Taking his money for anything seemed like a confirmation that this was not a relationship between equals.

Being pretty broke and underemployed for the past couple of years has been hard on me. I’m by nature hard-driving and competitive. I sometimes feel like I’m a failure in my professional life and, by extension, at life in general, so it’s easy for me to think that someone’s dating me mostly because of shallow things. I finally brought up the whole “taking your money makes me feel bad because I feel like you’re dating me because I’m cute and that makes me feel like a whore” thing a couple of months ago. My boyfriend quite literally spit out his coffee at that news, cartoon-style. He hadn’t thought of my job situation or my half a graduate degree as proof of anything but a down economy, and he considers several of the volunteer things that I do to be really impressive accomplishments, which I kind of guess they are.

I guess I can sum all of this up saying that things are awesome between us and that I’m looking forward to moving to & in with this really great guy. And that if you’re bogged down in a shit-tastic job market, take a breath and remember that there’s more to your life than your paycheck and your student loans.

Great! Very happy for you. Good luck with your upcoming move.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.


  1. Great update! It sounds like everything is working out perfectly.

  2. And that if you’re bogged down in a shit-tastic job market, take a breath and remember that there’s more to your life than your paycheck and your student loans.

    love this.

    1. Agreed. I was going to re-post the same quote!

  3. GatorGirl says:

    Great move saving three months living expenses! I made a move similar move 6 months ago and the savings have been a life saver! Good luck!

  4. caffeinatrix says:

    Sounds like everything is working out well. Good to hear. I felt like you were telling my life story when you mentioned being underemployed and broke the past couple of years. I have been too. It’s alI can do to keep applying for jobs and hope it gets better soon, because I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

  5. I love the 3 month savings “rent” deal. What a great idea!

  6. WatersEdge says:

    Great update. So happy for you!

    PS- Older men are the best.

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