Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “New to this Mom” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “New to this Mom” who was upset that new boyfriend was uncomfortable changing her daughter’s diaper and requesting payment for baby-sitting while she was at work. “I don’t know why, but that kind of put me off a bit. I don’t know if he is setting respectful boundaries and I am the one not used to it, or if it’s something I need to discuss with him and, if I do, how do I approach it.” Her update below:

Honestly, I was pissed at your answer. But it was right. That man-child and I aren’t going out anymore. I’ve moved on to fulfilling myself and my desires, so it has worked out well for my daughter and me. I have been exploring what I really want in a relationship and it’s not a traditional relationships anyway. So it opened my eyes.

So, long story short: good advice!

 
Ok, great, but I hope it’s not your boyfriend’s totally reasonable boundary-setting that earned him the “man-child” descriptor and that you realize, going forward, that it’s probably inappropriate to ask someone to babysit your child on the regular — for free! — when he/she hasn’t offered to do so. And that goes for a friend, family member, or someone you’re dating.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

4 comments… add one
  • avatar

    anonymousse March 26, 2019, 2:41 pm

    Please tell me your daughter’s needs are being placed before your desires. Your responsibility to her is to keep her safe and have her best interests at heart. She’s only young for a short time. The way she is treated and cared for now will affect her and you relationship to her when she’s older.

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  • avatar

    ele4phant March 26, 2019, 4:33 pm

    So – who knows what your other issues were with your ex-boyfriend and how else he might be immature, but I 100% feel that him setting boundaries with his very new girlfriend about how much childcare he was willing to be responsible for was quite reasonable and mature.

    You wrote in an October 2018, and had only been seperated from your child’s father for six months (so you split in Spring of 2017?). And then you were with this guy for however long.

    I highly, HIGHLY suggest you take some time to just establish your independence and a life just you and your daughter, before you start dating.

    I’m not saying don’t date at all until your daughter is 18 and out of the house, but let’s make her and getting her stability the priority for at least a little bit longer, not your next romantic relationships.

    Or if you must date now, keep your new partner(s) away from her. Keep those lives separate for now.

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  • avatar

    dinoceros March 26, 2019, 4:57 pm

    What do you mean by your “desires”? I don’t even date simply based on my “desires,” and I don’t even have kids. I’m not sure if I’m misinterpreting what you’re saying, but I’m concerned that your comments on how you’ve changed your approach to dating don’t really involve how it relates to you being a parent. Since one of the main issues here was that you were having trouble figuring out how to date as a parent in a way that was good for you, your partner, and your daughter.

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark March 26, 2019, 8:56 pm

    Well, this will turn out just swell.

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