It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Not Interested in That Path” who discovered that her boyfriend had been cheating on her with other men. She rationalized this, saying: “I was shocked and devastated. I knew this kind of thing existed (straight or married men looking for extra “fun”), but I didn’t know it was like 30-40% of straight men who have done this. He told me he was touched when he was young, and he was exposed to porn at a young age, so he’s very sexual (with some underlying issues about sex).” And then said: “I told him if we were going to continue seeing each other, which we are because we are crazy about each other, I need him to cut ties with these two men. He somewhat agreed, but he still kept their phone numbers because he said they were still good friends. I can’t agree to that — it’s either them or me. He said he chooses me, but now there’re trust issues — these other “guys” are into drugs and they are lonely and miserable and I don’t want my boyfriend involved in that path.”
Keep reading to see what she thought of my advice and whether or not she chose to follow it.
First of all, I am NOT homophobic at all…I am totally at ease with gay or lesbian couples. I just don’t want MY boyfriend involved in this particular situation. He began using meth a few years ago and it’s a fact (you’ll probably doubt me on that one too) that many male meth users spiral down to almost rock bottom and will do anything for the next high, including sex with whomever. These ‘guys’ are meth addicts and dirty and jobless, thieves, homeless, ‘anti-woman’ (but I’m sure you’ll say it’s OK for gay men to be anti-woman’ ?!!).
My ‘boyfriend’ got lured into their lifestyle — AND BY LIFESTYLE, I DON’T MEAN GAY, I mean drugs, dirty, pathetic, etc., assholes who tried everything to get him to stay. They used him, lied, stole, etc. So OF COURSE I didn’t want him to have contact with them! It wasn’t a control issue for me, so don’t jump the gun on that one. (Ooh, I said the word GUN to an American! Everybody duck!!).
Next (and I’m not in denial — I’m just telling ypu the details), he said he was sick and embarrassed and right around the time he met me he had just quit drugs (went to rehab), but …he had still gone over to his ‘friend’s’ place for visits. Meth addicts often turn into sex addicts and like the feel of another man. I think I did more research than you did, sweetie! Same with the idiot assholes who commented after you on my question!
I wasn’t ‘twisting’ it…I was just confused cuz I wasn’t expecting it AT ALL. All his family and friends in our little town have told me that I’m great for him and that I’ve helped him get out of that downward spiral. I’m not a fucking idiot; of course I know that people just don’t BECOME GAY…What a stupid condescending thing to say! And YES, LOTS of people who were touched or molested at a young age DO have issues with sex.
Then you say that I need to go to therapy to find out why SO many men cheat on me??!!? LOFL! … I’ve had lots of relationships, only two or three cheated, capiche? I am a good catch, very pretty, and I KNOW how to please a man, but there’s always the few that think with their dicks and not their brain. You’ll be OH-SO proud to hear that I’ve since broken up with him, but remain friends because I’m a good listener and a nice person, not a SNOTTY RUDE AMERICAN , so FUCK YOU & YOUR FOLLOWERS. WHAT A JOKE.
PS:. Where’d you get your therapy or Advice Certificate? ….at the dollar store ?? 👌
You’re right: I am oh-so proud of you! Good job.
P.S. I’ve never heard of an “Advice Certificate,” but I’m just an stupid idiot lazy American, so that’s probably no surprise.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.