Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Not Invited” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Not Invited” who was angry that her husband, whom she was mending a 14-year marriage with, was planning to attend his niece’s wedding despite the LW not being invited. “His niece is getting married to a man she hardly knows and I’m not invited since the mother of the bride does not like me for no reason except she doesn’t want her brother with me. He and I have been married for fourteen years, and I think it is wrong that my spouse goes to the ceremony. He says he isn’t going to the reception, but I don’t believe him.” Keep reading to see if her husband did go to the wedding without her…

My spouse did go to his niece’s wedding ceremony, and I found out he did go to the reception and lied about it. His niece finally invited me the day before the wedding, after my husband told me weeks earlier he had decided to not go out of respect for me. Then, he tells me in the morning that the wedding is at 10:30 am and he wouldn’t be able to pick me up because he had to pick up his mother, which I later found out was a lie. I don’t know how I feel or think about any of this deception and dishonesty from my spouse.

I also wanted to let you know that the marriage only lasted three months and the bride became pregnant and has not yet told the groom and the baby is due this September. Signed, Not Invited.

 
You don’t know how you feel about the deception and dishonesty? It sounds like you DO know how you feel. And you should tell your husband. And if you aren’t already doing so, try some marriage counseling if you’re genuinely serious about mending this marriage, because right now it sounds like you still have some major themes to work through.

Also, who cares whether his niece married a man she hardly knew and is already broken up with (and pregnant by)? How does that affect you? You’re still married to a man who goes to weddings you aren’t invited to until the last minute and then lies about it, so I’m not sure you have the most stable place of superiority to stand and judge other people’s decisions and relationships.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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8 comments… add one
  • avatar

    RedroverRedrover June 5, 2017, 1:22 pm

    Yowza.

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    Howdywiley June 5, 2017, 1:33 pm

    Geez I wonder why the in-laws aren’t into you.

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark June 5, 2017, 1:46 pm

    Wait. What?!
    .
    Wendy, honestly, I am confused by your response. The LW comes across as passive aggressive, petty, oh, and judgmental. She obviously LOATHES the bride… Why the FUCK did she even want to go to the wedding?! If I was her husband, I’d lie too… No, scratch that. I’d dump her whiney ass right quick.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy June 5, 2017, 2:09 pm

      I’m sort of confused by your confusion of my response in which I call our the LW for being judgmental…

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      • avatar

        Janelle June 5, 2017, 2:34 pm

        I agree she is whiney but I do recall in her first letter seeming to make a big deal out of nothing to me. I think I may even have replied that the wedding is about the bride and groom not her. Her husbands lying was likely due to avoiding conflict. That being said I agree with this response from Wendy 100%. Something needs to be resolved. And the judgemental tone about the bride. Then why was she so upset not to go if she thought so poorly of her???

        In life there will be many many many family events, obligations, holidays, etc that you will attend. Honestly, not having to travel and go to one is almost a blessing. I get the hurt feelings to a small extent but after 15 years of similar events myself, with a family I don’t want to spend time with (his…sorry but true) I find that I relished in those days to myself, not traveling, etc. I didn’t go to all his family stuff nor did he go to mine. I sometimes just want to have my family around. Didn’t change my love for him or his place in my life, it was just nice to be the old gang sometimes.

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    Northern Star June 5, 2017, 4:52 pm

    LW, I think you only wanted to go to her wedding to feel smugly superior about people you despise. This update is so off putting. Yuck.

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    • avatar

      MMR June 6, 2017, 7:58 am

      Agree!!! I also think there’s some karmic irony that the LW’s own marriage is in such shambles that she didn’t get to go do just that.
      This woman seems to be very bitter and have no self-awareness.

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  • avatar

    dinoceros June 5, 2017, 5:35 pm

    Yeah, I don’t think it’s a great look to be gaining satisfaction out of the demise of someone else’s marriage when yours is in the shape its in.

    I think it’s pretty telling that you still didn’t explain why you were mending the marriage and why your in-laws might not like you. Sounds like the mending isn’t going well and maybe isn’t the best solution here.

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