It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Not Invited to the Wedding” who wasn’t invited to her boyfriend’s daughter’s wedding despite having lived with her boyfriend for two years. “The wedding is this weekend and I haven’t even decided if I should bother with the long car trip there and back since I don’t know if I’ll be ignored.” Keep reading to see whether she decided to make the long car trip to the wedding she wasn’t invited to or not.
The last comment in the original post (from RMc) was spot on as to what initially happened, but my boyfriend decided to take the high road, escort her down the aisle, and leave early. Still, his family expected that Susie owned the entire state that the wedding took place in and especially the 10-square-mile venue. One of her uncles came to our hotel to yell at me after I visited another part of the PUBLIC venue during the rehearsal.
We’re going to wait until we get a genuine invitation to spend time with the family, but my boyfriend has made it clear that he plans to have a thorough discussion with the controlling family members before that or before he chooses to spend time with them again. If anything good has come out of this, it’s that he’s finally determined to get the uber control issues of his family of origin and his daughter laid out, as he sees it.
I wonder if it was “classy” enough for you that we purchased 8-place settings of fine china as a wedding gift — Noritake, not just something that comes in a jumbo pack at Costco (not that I don’t love Costco) — plus serving pieces? I do paper arts and spent 4 hours purchasing materials and wrapping the gift and then more time making the card, directed specifically at the family, and then hand-delivered it to the venue so my partner wouldn’t have to carry it beforehand. I intended to provide a memento of the wedding by rooting a plant used in his boutonniere, but we sadly killed it on the way home.
Are they my family now? Not until they can behave with courtesy.
By the way, you’re in the vast minority of people who have responded to this. About 90% believed Susie was a turd and did the wrong thing by not inviting me regardless of whether or not I went. A shocking number of people thought I should “crash” the wedding – yes, many “classy” people and even people involved in the wedding industry.
Etiquette exists for a reason, especially surrounding weddings and family events. By the way, my boyfriend has *always* maintained that a wedding is for the family. Why do you think some families get so upset when their offspring elope? Etiquette exists to guide behavior and prepare people for social situations.
I enjoy your blog, but don’t provide any identifying characteristics about me whatsoever. My boyfriend would like to plan the intervention without any chance at all that it will be happening.
So, you would never crash a wedding, but you showed up at the wedding venue, uninvited, to hand-deliver a gift and, I guess, hang out on some its 10-square miles close enough that family members saw you, and you think you’re in a position to lecture anyone on etiquette, courtesy, classiness, and proper behavior in social situations? Mmmkay.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.