It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Not Staying in a Hotel” whose boyfriend’s friends made her uncomfortable during there twice-a-month weekend visits. She wrote: “I recently learned that one of these friends had said he didn’t want to come in this weekend unless our dog and I got a hotel room—and my boyfriend had responded with, ‘I wish I could.’ This really hurt my feelings. How can I talk to him about this?” Her update below.
His friends still come over once every month or every two months.
My boyfriend has a new job that keeps him a little busy, so there’s not as much time for these all-weekend affairs anymore. But during the times that the friends have come to visit, things have still gotten a little rowdy. I am encouraged to join if I want to. And when I excuse myself for bed, the noise stops. I have to say, I’m so grateful for the respect and I don’t mind to have them stay the whole weekend anymore. They clean up after themselves, they bring their own food, and my boyfriend always acclimates the dog when they first get here, so she’s much more open to them.
Overall, everyone is in a good place with it.
**Disclaimer. I see a lot of comments insinuating I don’t like the friends or the alcohol or the friends coming over in the first place. Not true. We’re all good friends from college, I was a bridesmaid at one of the friend’s weddings, and I like to drink with them (but I value sleep much more than the three of them do!). It has always been an option to ask my boyfriend to stop inviting them over. But that’s not fair to him and not what I wanted in the first place. I wanted everyone to feel welcome and safe (including me) and my feelings were hurt thinking I would be asked to leave my home.
Also, I “found out” what my boyfriend said from an Instagram comment one friend made on my boyfriend’s post. It read “I’d come visit you more if ******* and the dog got a hotel room.” And my boyfriend responded “I wish I could, but the dog fur is in the carpet, mate.” Looking back. Not that bad. But it still hurts my feelings a bit.
That’s great that you’re feeling better about things. What did you do or say for the change to take place?
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.