It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Nude to This” who wrote in last week about being upset that her boyfriend was going to a wedding that she wasn’t invited to where his recent ex would be in attendance, soon after the LW found nude photos of said ex on her boyfriend’s phone.
“Should he still go? Should I let him go and should I then get over it even though I have been anxious for weeks, am hurt that he still wants to go, and am uncomfortable with the whole idea? He doesn’t want to upset me, but he also says he doesn’t want to upset the bride and groom. (Yet he is not in the wedding party and told me that he is not that close with the couple.)”
The wedding was this past weekend. Keep reading to find out whether the boyfriend went or not.
Anyway, on Sunday my boyfriend did go to the wedding without me. After months of these arguments going around in circles, I decided that he wanted me to be supportive and that it was a chance for him to hang out with “the boys.” None of this would have been an issue if he would have made that his argument from the start and not brought trust into it. Of course, I trust him to be around his ex and all other women for that matter – I am really not as desperate and insecure as some of your readers portrayed me (again, hilarious read). I just wanted him to put me first this time. I was happy for him to go to the stag night and go out with his friends whenever, but after discovering the photos it did make me uncomfortable and I could have done with his telling me I’m more important than his friends and that he’d rather spend the day with me than be anywhere near his ex.
After our last argument about it, I took him out to buy a suit and said I’d drive him there and back (it was two hours away in the country where he’s from). He ended up going with friends and I dropped him there and helped them tie their ties. I spent the day getting spa treatments – on him — and there was no more drama to be had.
He did tell me afterward that the groom, his friend, would have been happy to make an exception for me to go, but the bride, his ex’s friend, didn’t want me there because his ex is not over him and would struggle to have me around her all dressed up with the man who chose me, not her.
Thank you so much for your insight, though. I guess you’re not a believer in soulmates and love at first sight, I take it? That’s okay — my relationship was the source of gossip for months and still is because of how quickly we coupled up. My boyfriend came home after the wedding and told me he can’t wait for ours.
I think we might have different ideas of what a “soulmate” is, but that’s ok. As long as you’re on the same page as yours — and it sounds like things are pretty perfect — that’s all that matters. Best wishes to you!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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