It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Photo Finish” who was pissed that her ex hadn’t removed photos of her from his Flickr page and that he was using a photo she took on his online dating profile. A bunch of us told her to MOA; after the jump, find out whether she decided to follow that advice.
Basically, you and a lot of the commenters were correct. I needed to MOA. But it is hard to do, especially when I felt like he never gave me any closure when we ended our relationship.I did not put all the details in my letter (like him using the photo I’d taken of him on his online profile WHEN we were actually “still together”), and didn’t make everything very clear. I’d like to add that a lot of the comments I had looked at were sort of cruel in my opinion, and actually turned me off. I think this a lot with other articles as well. I guess I’d hoped people would be supportive, or offer tips instead of what I had read.In actual update news: I went to therapy to help me MOA because I was stuck in a loop, and in a toxic friendship that encouraged me to keep tabs on my ex. I would like to report that therapy has helped a lot, and I’m well on my way to moving on. I haven’t looked at any of his things online, because it really doesn’t matter. It won’t change anything. And I don’t have feelings for him like I once did. I also cut the toxic friendship off, and it helped me process my feelings about my ex as well.
Thanks for the update, and I’m glad therapy is giving you the kind of closure you didn’t feel you got from your ex. Best of luck to you.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
ChemE November 10, 2011, 4:29 pm
Testing 1 2 3
Lw – glad you stopped worrying about this guy. Sounds like it was nothing but negativity, good for you!!
SGMcG November 10, 2011, 5:24 pm
In the future, if you really want to keep the attribution of your photos, post a watermark on them before you post them online. I know photoshop allows you to do this, and to some extent so does Word. Yet also recognize, that the person who is subject matter in your pictures also have some level of ownership of the pictures in question.
AKchic November 10, 2011, 5:34 pm
I guess the negative posts DID actually help you. You said you were looking for SUPPORT. You didn’t specify the kind of support, but I’m assuming that because of the toxic friendship you were in, you wanted validation that what you were doing (keeping tabs on the ex) was okay, and that it was fine to hold a grudge.
Our negative posts cleared you of that notion and got you to go to therapy. The negative posts that we make are actually eye-openers for people who don’t want to see the truth. The truth can hurt, but it’s better to have a temporary pain and then heal correctly rather than continue to walk on an injury and do yourself more harm in the long run.
ForeverYoung November 10, 2011, 7:25 pm
Carolynasaurus November 10, 2011, 5:45 pm
Geez, it’s not our fault if you come across a certain way in your letter. Period. After reading this, I reread the original letter and the comments. We had 6 sentences to work with. One of those sentences was you saying that your ex told you to leave him alone. You made no mention of your feelings or needing support. What did you expect us to do? Say “Poor baby” and “You should break into his house and clear your pictures off his hard drive”? We just told you what you refused to hear from him: MOA.
Bethany November 10, 2011, 7:42 pm