Updates: “Picture Perfect” Responds (Again)

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Picture Perfect” who wanted to know what guys thinks of boudoir photos. She updated us once before to say she’d decided to have the photos taken. Now, she updates us again to tell us how it went.

I just wanted to write in and say, I DID IT! I had my boudoir photography session last weekend, and the experience was AMAZING! It was exciting, nerve-racking, fun, and a huge confidence-booster. My best friend is a makeup artist (lucky me!) and she dolled me up with a very simple and timeless look: classic black liner (think cat eyes), minimal shadow, and bold, deep red lips. I wore a sheer black teddy with lace trim and red heels for some shots, and a simple black lace bra and panty set with an open white blouse for other shots (No pink anywhere, so I’m sure BitterGayMark will approve!).

I’m so glad I got up the courage to do this, especially since I’ve been battling with insecurities about my weight for years. When I was on that set, I felt beautiful and desirable in every way. I felt like I could be Marilyn Monroe. I didn’t care that I need to lose 15 pounds or that I have love handles. The photographer was very artistic, and guided me into poses that were tasteful and flattering for my shape. And now I have this photographic proof that I’m beautiful just the way I am. I highly recommend every woman go for this adventure, no matter her age or size!

That’s wonderful! Thanks for sharing.


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].


  1. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

    Bittergaymark can only approve — AFTER seeing said photographs. I kid, I kid, but I definitely do agree that the wise and intelligent absence of the world’s most ghastly color — pink — will undoubtedly go a long, long way in making your erotica both classy and artistic as well as timeless… Your wardrobe choices sound perfect! 🙂

    EDIT: I sure wish I had had somebody take pictures of my in my boxerbriefs back in my early twenties. At the time, I thought I was way too skinny and merely adequate looking. (Oh, the irony… the whole TWINK thing hit in the gay world about five years too late for me… When I was twenty (and looked 17) all the men in GQ looked forty. Now that I am 40 all the men in GQ look 17… Talk about a media mind fuck… Most maddening. Grrrr. ) But I digress, at any rate, a friend recently sent me some candid spring break shots of us in Mazatlan as I’m like… DAMN… WTF? I was freaking hot!! How did I so NOT know this? Much less appreciate this… I’m actually “well-preserved” for my age, but youth and hotness are TRULY wasted on the young… Far too many discount themselves in ways that are so very sad to me. Honestly? It’s hard to be twenty and not hot… It truly is. Don’t believe me? Wait a few years and then look back on your old photographs…

    1. I don’t know the TWINK reference although I get the point from the context. Any correlation with the early 90s “waif” thing? Kate Moss being at the forefront. I was lucky that it coincided with my own “waif-ish” years or I otherwise might not have made it through high school as a shy, flat-chested teen.

      Now that I’m older, softer, etc –I’m not sure who my role model is!

      1. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

        Definition: Twink is any mid teen to early twenty something boy that has a, yes, waifish body and is usually rather dumb or vapid. (Yes, again, think Kate Moss. Perhaps the dumbest most uneducated celebrity up until, say, Beyonce.) Twinks usually have blonde hair and it is usually rather obviously dyed so.

      2. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

        EDIT. Justin Bieber is fairly twinkish, but his strange wanna-be lesbian style choices prevent him from attaining twinkdom as precious few gay men want to bed lesbians… Interestingly, apparently many tween girls, however, do…

      3. GatorGirl says:

        Have you ever heard of a “Bear” convention? My fiance bartends at a place that hold a bear convention every year. It’s an interesting weekend for him.

      4. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

        Yeah, the bear scene is TOO much for me… Buy a freaking razor… Oh, and go on a diet already… Sheeeeesh. 😉

      5. GatorGirl says:

        Yeaaaaaah. The bar overlooks the hotel pool…it gets a little questionable…

        But they love him and his beard and super over tip!

      6. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

        Ha Ha. Yikes!!!

      7. Ha. Until this comment I was going to say, “BGM, I know the perfect guy for you.” But… apparently not.

      8. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

        Sadly, its one of the many myriads of reasons I remain alone. My tastes exceed my means as of late.

      9. Most of Alaska in the winter looks like a “Bear” convention!

  2. well i am sufficiently jealous. haha

    i actually asked my friend at our superbowl party if her photographer friend has ever done/did boudoir. it was my first time even looking into it! and apparently her friend is stopping her photography business to be a mom! dang it. so now im hoping that my friend will make another photog friend who i can get to do me a boudoir shoot. i do feel weird just buying a groupon for it with someone i dont know…

    1. Bittergaymark says:

      Katie… Being a mom is expensive. Keep asking. She may wanna do one last shoot…

      1. I’m secretly holding out, trust me haha

  3. Avatar photo bittergaymark says:

    It kind of fascinates me how somebody writes in with a positive update about embracing their own beauty and sexuality and almost NOBODY out there has any comment… Kind of sad, actually.

    1. lets_be_honest says:

      But she was happy. And didn’t add any new details. And didn’t disagree with any commenters. What fun is that?
      I kid. It was an awesome update.

    2. I was thinking the same thing but it feels a little silly to comment on my own update 😛 (I already outed myself on this letter over X-mas so I guess there’s no harm now!)

    3. It’s a blah sort of day in Philly… I’m in a blah sort of mood. I can’t muster up enough excitement to comment today!

      Although, I do like how we got 2 updates! I wish everyone would send 2 updates!

      1. Avatar photo iwannatalktosampson says:


  4. 6napkinburger says:

    Yay! (not much else to say).

  5. This is interesting! And intriguing
    Also, love bgm’s silly comments about bears. Just too funny

  6. I did the same thing for my 40th birthday present to myself, and it was worth every penny. Mine are 50’s cheesecake pinup at it’s best.
    Like the LW I felt amazing and beautiful and the photos show that. It doesn’t matter at all that I was at my heaviest weight ever, and have since lost over 100 pounds, I still display them proudly.

  7. That sounds awesome. One of my best friends recently had a boudoir photo shoot and her pics turned out amazing! She’s not any skinnier than I. Next time I visit her in MO I am planning to book an appointment with her photographer. It’s $125 for the session and includes hair and makeup.

    1. Where in MO? I’m in MO and I would love to do this.

  8. Avatar photo lemongrass says:

    I did them as a wedding gift to my husband and I love them. It’s a nice ego boost to look at them!

  9. I want to do a boudoir shoot so badly but can’t afford one at the moment. Good on you for taking the plunge!

  10. This update made me so happy 🙂 Next time you’re feeling insecure about your body or having a bad hair day, you’ll have photographic proof to remind yourself that you are indeed beautiful and desirable.

  11. Hey. I LOVE Bears. I married one. (Not gay but bi.) There’s a documentary on Bear culture — I think it’s Bear Nation, but I’m not sure, there’s more than one — on Netflix, that I found stimulating in more ways than one. Oh, the eye candy!
    Seriously, I’ve always known my preference is for somewhat bigger men with beards and body hair, and that I’m totally turned off by beefcakes, but it was watching that documentary that made my own sexuality click for me. I too identify as bi and am physically more attracted to women as a general rule (and suspect that had I not married my H.S. sweetheart, I’d have been dating a lot of women through my 20s – no regrets though!) but Bears are my big exception.
    Sidebar – Funny how, the older I get, the less I care about being ‘out.’


    My husband went through a phase of hobby photography back in 2006-7, and I of course modeled for him. There’s one photo he loves so much, he still keeps it tucked in the visor of his car. I’m sitting on my dorm room bed, blank walls and soft light, cross-legged with a giant teddy bear in my lap, hugging the bear and with my head cocked a little and looong red hair spilling down. I was topless but the bear covers everything, you can really only see my arms, legs and head. I love that he keeps it where he can see it every day. I have a photo of him that a friend took that I love similarly, a facial portrait where his hair, beard, and expression are just right.

    I think it would be fun to do another boudoir shoot, a real one this time instead of just helping my husband learn how to adjust the F-stop, and am considering it as the Grand Prize if I hit my exercise & fitness goals. Two of my friends were just talking about how many amateur photogs and students around here are just looking for people to model for them and are willing to provide the prints after, for free, so that might be one avenue I explore (no worries, I used to be the one posting ads for models for my husband, I’m fairly confident I can sift out the legits from the creepers). The traditional boudoir thing of teddys and velvet and feather boas and Marilyn is not really “me” so I want a photog with some range, and more creative suggestions.

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