Updates: “Rape Survivor”

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Rape Survivor” who wondered how (and when) she should tell dates that she had been raped a year ago as a virgin.

Thanks so much for your advice and support; it relieved much of the anxiety I was having about revealing what had happened to me. The part where you reassured me that I don’t owe anyone an excuse for wanting to wait, and that I should only share it when I really trust him, was very helpful. After about 2 months into dating, I told him very casually over a drink that once I had been drugged and raped, but that I was okay. He was very caring and sensitive, and shared some personal information with me too. Despite having gotten that revelation out of the way, I was still anxious because I still hadn’t shared the most difficult part. The next time we went out, after returning to his place, I told him that I had been raped as a virgin and still hadn’t had consensual sex. I started crying because I was so overwhelmed and anxious about how he would react. He was extremely sensitive and sweet that night, and said all the right things. I was still worried that it would be the end of things, but now we have been dating for over 5 months. After about 3 months I was ready to have sex. I really trusted him because not once did he say anything that might make me feel pressured into doing anything, or like I had to explain myself for setting my own pace. Now, things are going great. I also feel like I took a big step in healing and can really put the rape behind me. Thanks so much!

Wonderful news! So glad you found a kind, caring and compassionate man to open up to and hopefully help you heal and trust a little bit.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.


  1. So glad he was a nice guy…thanks for the update!!

  2. I’m so happyu for you! 🙂 it sounds like you landed yourself a great and caring person. Best of luck to the two of you!

  3. I’m glad it worked out for you and things are looking awesome for the future…also….hooray for a good letter update.

  4. Excellent update! One of the best IMO.

  5. Addie Pray says:

    One of the best updates! Does this guy have a brother?

  6. silver_dragon_girl says:

    Aww, this makes me so happy 🙂 I’m glad it worked out for you!

  7. Elizabeth says:

    FANTASTIC news! Congrats to you!

  8. This update brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you that you are healing and found a kind guy to help you along.

  9. ForeverYoung says:

    I think this is my favorite update of all time. I’m so happy for you!

  10. Good for you in getting the courage to tell him! Kudos to him for being worthy of your consent. Best of luck in your continued journey LW – you can do it!

  11. Yay!

    Thanks for the update! I’m glad you found someone you could open up to like that. Sounds like you are healing (mentally) quite well from your traumatic ordeal. I hope it works out for you and this guy.

  12. anonymous says:

    you are so brave for opening up to him – it must have been tough! and i’m glad he is such a wonderful man. i wish you all the best!

  13. I’m so happy for you!

  14. ReginaRey says:

    Best update ever! And what an awesome guy! I hope you two have a long, happy relationship.

  15. fast eddie says:

    There are some things that we never completely get over. Death of a loved one and being raped among them. I’m very happy that you’ve found someone who is patient and cares about you enough to give you the time to pursue life in a healthy manner. May it continue for a long, long time. 🙂

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