Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “Scared to Fall” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Scared to Fall” who expressed fear over dating a guy who confessed, before they met face-to-face, that he had an STD. After the jump, find out whether she went through with their plan to meet and how she’s doing now.

Thank you and thanks to all those who commented on my letter. Before I went to visit him, we had a serious discussion about the STD he said he had. It turns out it was HPV. We talked mostly about how it affected his life, and how it could affect me one day if we became intimate in the future. He assured me that if I’m not comfortable with pursuing intimacy with him, he is understanding, and will wait. He had also mentioned that he would like to go to my doctor with me to talk about the STD, and mentioned I could take the shot to prevent the cancerous strain of HPV (I’ve actually already had the shot). It was VERY comforting to know how well informed he was, and how he wanted me to better understand his STD and protect my health.

That being said, I did meet up with him that weekend. It was hands down, the best date I’ve ever had! We did things the entire weekend, including dinner, walks, museum tour, amazing conversations, and we met up with mutual friends for a get-together as well! I am very happy I decided to meet him. It has been a few weeks now, and I can safely say we are dating only each other now. He is the most understanding, and caring individual I have ever met. Our in-person chemistry is off the chart. We see each other on weekends for now, and will see where this new relationship takes us!

I hope anyone who is in the same situation as me can look past such things and see how good a person really is. An STD does not determine a person’s identity. Trust your gut instinct, and always be safe.

Thanks for the update and best of luck to you and the great guy you’ve found!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

12 comments… add one
  • Morgan April 19, 2011, 12:19 pm

    I think the last line from the LW sums up the majority of the letters Wendy gets “Trust your instinct and always be safe.”

    I’m so glad its been working out so far!

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  • sarolabelle April 19, 2011, 12:22 pm

    it wasn’t a Your Turn column but glad everything worked out!

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    • Avatar photo

      Wendy April 19, 2011, 12:34 pm

      Oops, corrected that.

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  • cdj0815 April 19, 2011, 12:24 pm

    I really liked the fact that he was responsible and honest with her. I wish more people did that.

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  • mf April 19, 2011, 12:32 pm

    He sounds like a stand-up guy! I’m glad everything has worked out well for the LW.

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  • kerrycontrary April 19, 2011, 12:58 pm

    Glad to see that there is a guy out there who is actually knowledgeable about HPV!

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  • Desiree April 19, 2011, 1:11 pm

    Yay! I am so happy for them.

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  • sarita_f April 19, 2011, 3:08 pm

    Totally a stand-up guy. He went above and beyond.

    When I had moderate dysplasia (result of HPV) back in the early aughts, I asked my doc how and what I should tell my bf at the time since I had no clue about it or how it would affect him, what we should do, etc. She answered that most people don’t even bother telling, that it’s really no big deal, and the guys can’t do anything about it and it usually goes away on it’s own anyways (I’ve had clear paps ever since). I was appalled at the time, and of course I did tell. Unfortunately his peen doc was clueless, took a look at his ween and told him he wasn’t the infected one, and so the bf refused to have sex with infected-me for a while. That blew over eventually.

    Anyways, I hope the doctor tells you that there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent the spread other than be COMPLETELY abstinent. It’s skin-to-skin contraction and a condom doesn’t help. That being said, estimates are that upwards of 80% of sexually active people have a strain at one point or another. I accept the fact that I’ll be exposed pretty much every time I have sex, and the guy most likely doesn’t know if he’s a carrier or not, unless he contracts a wart-producing strain.

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    • jessicaxmx April 19, 2011, 10:03 pm

      I, too have HPV currently. I had a case of high strains but now they are currently low and I can get off the 3 month paps (thank God).

      I decided to come out and tell my current boyfriend I have it. He understood completely and was already well informed. All it takes is a great partner who is understanding and non judgmental.

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  • SGMcG April 19, 2011, 3:36 pm

    Thank you LW for updating us! Glad he proved himself most worthy to meet.

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  • HmC April 19, 2011, 4:23 pm

    Congrats LW! I’d recommend you check out another letter to Wendy regarding HPV (specifically, it was a girl asking how she should break the news to her new bf) that ran a while back. I found the comments on that one to be amazingly informative about the disease.

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  • callmehobo April 19, 2011, 8:26 pm

    Awwww, I love good endings! I hope everything works out.

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