Updates: “Second Chance?” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from Second Chance? who wondered whether she should reunite with a boyfriend who had a hard time closing the door on prior relationships, including with an ex-wife and another ex-girlfriend. Her update is below.

A few months ago, I was trying to decide whether or not to take my ex back.

After my initial email and reading all the responses, I decided to step back and see how things played out. My ex changed jobs, dropped out of therapy, and stopped making any attempt to fix things between us, but he wanted to keep me around. It was so similar to how our relationship had gone that I got out…quickly.

I told him that he needed to get his life together and sorted out. I told him I was moving on and not to contact me. At first, he seemed unfazed by it. Now he constantly wants to talk and work things out. Shocker, since I’ve started seeing someone new.

I’ll never take that man back again. It’s a shame, I loved him very deeply. But having some perspective, I see he never really felt that way about me.

Thanks for everything, Wendy!

Thanks for the update, and I hope today’s LW #3 is just as smart!


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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  1. Great work LW! Now block him everywhere so he can’t keep trying to slither back in, he shouldn’t even have the option to ask for talks anymore.

    1. Yes. Yes. Yes. Agreed.

  2. Allornone says:

    YAY! It seems sooooo many letter writers get defensive and fail to head Wendy’s advice. It’s always so refreshing to read when someone actually listens and it works out well for them. Trust me, I understand how hard it can be when you’re mired in a toxic relationship to truly see things for how they are. Good on you for taking a step back and ultimately stepping the frick out. Now, as Ange said, block the mofo.

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