Updates: “Still In Love with Ex” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Still In Love with Ex” whose ex-wife reached out to him at a difficult time in her life, with the result being that he enjoyed being there for her and he wondered if there was potential for reconciliation. She said she would not entertain that idea for fear of losing herself in the relationship. He wrote: “Long story short: I have a pretty terrible medical condition that leaves me without feeling from the knees down and I cannot speak very well all the time. […] in the end, what got us were issues with the savior role complex and troubles with her family thinking I put her in that role.” Keep reading to see how he’s doing today, eight months later:

You really helped me come along both mentally and in my recovery. Shortly after that last email I was approached by a friend who became my girlfriend for a minute, and even though it didn’t last, we are still friends today. She and I worked on a plan to get me back into shape and as a result I have lost a large amount of weight (almost 115 lbs.). I’m feeling better by the day. My neurological disorder is very much present, but with the help of my medical team (they are fantastic) and with support from friends, I’m in better health comparatively than I was in my 20s.

My ex-wife hasn’t talked to me since that night we kissed (I think that she was venting her last thoughts for closure) and that is ok. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching and working out to bring my life to a better place. I think at this point I still hold love for her but more in the sense that she came into my life and taught me what I needed to know at the time. I hear that she is doing well and that makes me happy. As for me, my life is great! I’m working in a position (they expanded my job) that allows me to help people daily, I am looking and feeling so much better daily, and I am honestly giving things time to happen. I’m hopeful that I’ll find Ms. Right, but I’m a little nervous about actively seeking. I’m not sure if that’s my nerves or just the sheer worry that I’ll get hurt again, but I know she’s out there and I need to be patient. I want to say thank you so very much again for your words. At the time, it was hard and I didn’t see much of a way out. Now looking back, I realize that was some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten. You have made a lifelong fan out of me! I hope all is well on your end 🙂

Thank you so much for your kind words, and congrats on the amazing weight loss, the expanded role at work, and the positive outlook on life. You are moving in the right direction, and it’s totally normal to feel nervous and afraid of getting hurt. The key is to work through the fear. You might get hurt again, but that doesn’t mean the search for love won’t be worth it, just like all the work you’ve done on yourself so far has been challenging but worth it.


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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One Comment

  1. Avatar photo juliecatharine says:

    High five OP!

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