It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Stunned By Baby News” whose boyfriend of eight months announced on social media that he was expecting a baby with his wife (whom he told the LW he was separated from). Find out in her update below whether she stayed with him.
I actually ended up sending a message to his wife explaining the situation and what he had told me about their relationship for those entire eight months. I was searching for my own answers, too.
I reached out to him and told him my thoughts and that we should end things. He sent me a long reply explaining that they were indeed not together and the timing was bad. They had tried to work on their marriage before we met, but it hadn’t worked out. She found out she was pregnant after he met me and he felt trapped by her, but they were not working on their marriage and I was the one he wanted.
That same weekend he wanted to prove to me that he was telling me the truth. He brought his kids to meet me. I again stupidly believed his story because what man would actually bring his children around another woman and be affectionate in front of them!? We had met up a few times together with his kids. Also, the wife’s lack of response led me to believe that she didn’t care and didn’t owe me a response.
Two months later (early December), the day after spending the entire day with him and his son for his son’s birthday, his wife finally messaged me back. She said that they were in fact still together. She had no idea he was seeing me for those 10 months — and actually still doesn’t think we were as serious as we were.
In the end I look like a homewrecker who has meant nothing to him and he has begged me to not tell her the full truth as he wants to keep his marriage and family together. I’m still torn.
Very hard lesson learned. Always trust your gut!
Thank you so much for your help. Seeing things from other peoples’ perspective actually brings you back to reality.
You’re still torn?! About what? As I said in my original response to you: “He doesn’t care about you; he just wanted to ride this side fling for as long as he could, especially as the responsibility of impending parenthood weighed down on him.” He never cared about you. He was using you for fun, to escape the responsibility of his family life. He’s a loser. The only thing you should feel “torn” about is why you waited so long to leave him.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.