Updates: “The Key Issue” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “The Key Issue” who was unhappy that her girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend had a key to her new place. “One day, while I was staying at her place, he was over to see the [twins] and, when he left, he locked the door with a key that I didn’t think he had or needed. This issue has caused problems. Do I have the right to be upset?” she asked. Update below.

I’m a female dating a female who has kids with her ex-boyfriend and he had a key to her place and would just walk in and use his key – even when I was there. Well, we had a fight on a Monday, and on a Tuesday she moved on with another female. She was done with me like I had not been there for her, and, of course, I was hurt. She said bad things about me and I said bad things about her for moving on super fast.

I went no contact – blocked her and changed my number. I was slowing getting over her when, three months later, out of the blue, guess who texted me? She got my number from someone, saying she’s just checking on me. She and the new girl are broken up or in the process of breaking up and now she wants to be friends. I think she’s out for revenge because I said some mean things to her — too mean for her to reach out to me. I was happy she contacted me because it gave my hurt ego a boost – BUT my gut feeling is saying “steer clear!”. Also, who comes back and doesn’t apologize for all the hurt and pain, only saying, “Yeah, it could have been handled differently”?

Thank you for your great advice when I first reached out to you about seven months ago. Should I steer completely clear? Or should I be friends but keep her at a distance?

I’d MOA. The ex sounds like a dramatic emotional vampire who doesn’t know how to function on her own and is always lining up the next relationship while “in the process” of ending whatever current one she’s in. She’s not looking for a friend or even a girlfriend. She’s looking for life support. It sounds like your life was doing just fine without her in it. MOA.


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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  1. LW, you’re definitely better off without this woman in your life. If I’m reading your timeline correctly, in the last 14 months, she’s gone from being with her ex-boyfriend to living with you to being with another woman to now looking to be with someone else with no downtime in between. And she’s dragging two kids through this mess with her. Stay far away from this train wreck. It will not end well.

  2. bittergaymark says:

    Agreed. MOA. Trust your gut.

  3. bittergaymark says:

    Meant to type KMOA. (Keep Moving On Already.) 🙂

    1. Agreed – it’s always nice when the LW is already doing the right thing, and just wants confirmation they’re on the right course!

  4. Yes, the speed at which she changes relationships suggests that she never cared that deeply for any of the three persons she lived with in the course of 14 months. She seems one of those persons who is unhappy and not very good at life who is always searching for the person who will fix her life. If you have dealings at all with her, expect more pain. If you take her back, expect another bout of emotional agony. I do pity the two kids.

  5. Juliecatharine says:

    OP you think she might be out for revenge because of things you said, are annoyed she’s not apologizing for things SHE said, and are wondering if you should let her back in….I think you need to recognize toxic when it’s texting you and block that shit.

  6. artsygirl says:

    LW – Your ex-girlfriend sounds like a toxic and chaotic person. Her life is dramatic in an unhealthy way and she seems to have a bad temper. I wonder if her ex was really as abusive as she told you after all she seemed happy to let him have free access to her home despite claiming that she needed to move in with your to feel safe. I wonder if her girlfriend after you also was told that you were verbally abusive in order to secure a new relationship.

  7. bittergaymark says:

    PS — I also don’t think she’s out for revenge… Honestly, she’s probably looking for a quick place to crash. Yet another mother of the year. Yikes. Run, LW, RUN!!

  8. the one told to run!!! says:

    thank you all for your great replies!!!

  9. wishing you all good things for the future X

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