It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Totally Over It Bridesmaid” who was wondering whether there was a way she could get out of being a bridesmaid for her frenemy who was no longer speaking to her after a series of tiffs and misunderstandings. She pdated us back in May saying she bowed out of the wedding party and had told the bride she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore but wished her well. It was a long update, and I responded saying I couldn’t wait to drink tequila again. Now that I can, the LW has a new update:
First of all, I really wanted to say thank you for giving me the “nudge” I needed to end that friendship. I endured some “heat” from other mutual friends who understood my reasons but did not support that I had just sent her an email resigning from her wedding. (I guess they thought that meeting in person would have been better? I still don’t agree with them on that one).
I stuck to my guns, ended the friendship, and remained friends with those who wanted to remain friends with me. I also never brought her up to mutual friends because I didn’t want to put them in the middle of anything.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when the bride-to-be had her second bachelorette party, this one in Vegas, where only one bridesmaid attended and where three other friends went as well. The bride got super drunk and was kicked out of a bar with some guy because the bartender saw “penis.” And that was just the first night. According to two separate accounts from girls who were there, she was escorted back to her hotel room on the second night by cops (after she screamed at the other girls when they wanted to crash at 3 AM and then went back out by herself) and flat out cheated on her fiancé the third night, none of which she can “remember.”
The one bridesmaid that was there resigned from the wedding when she got back into town, citing obvious moral issues with watching her get married after seeing how out of control she was, and the others don’t plan on being friends with her after she’s married. Also, it came out that all the bride-to-be does is spread lies about every single person in her friend group to other friends, and, when they all got together to swap notes, let’s just say no one was happy with her. I’ve completely stayed out of it, and I have only offered to listen and support people, should they reach out to me. They have all said that I was lucky to get out when I did.
The bride has said she would never do any of the things she was confronted with doing, has no idea what she did or said, and does not know why everyone is mad at her. She claims her doctor told her she could stop taking a medication so she could drink, which caused her to have a meltdown, but, frankly, no one believes her, and it’s apparent she thinks everyone else is to blame except her.
She’s also on FMLA, and seeing “several therapists” daily. I truly believe that she does need help and is not very mentally stable. It’s gotten back to me that, because of my “cutting ties” with her (in March) and because of her consequent feeling that all of her friends will leave her, I was the trigger that caused a mental “breakdown.” So I am now the cause for all of this mental “illness,” which keeps spiraling out of control. I do feel very sorry for her, and I hope she gets the help that she needs.
It’s a hell of an update, I know. My life has been drama-free though, and I am very glad that I haven’t been drawn into any of the drama I’ve just accounted and have instead just heard about it from other sources.
Thanks again, Wendy!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
GertietheDino September 10, 2015, 12:13 pm
Be happy you got out when you did. Crazy!
juliecatharine September 10, 2015, 12:49 pm
What was the point of this update LW? Yes, it’s probably good you cut ties when you did but was it really necessary to broadcast all this drama (which you seem almost gleeful about btw) to a broader audience? Maybe this girl is just an out of control bitch but FMLA leave, therapy, and meds more likely point to her having an actual mental illness and not one that can be dismissed by air quotes.
FireStar September 10, 2015, 12:52 pm
Totally over it usually means you are – um – totally over it and don’t take any subdued glee at the failure(s) of the person you removed yourself from. Don’t even have the second hand conversations – just move on.
ktfran September 10, 2015, 12:58 pm
Do men encounter this much drama? Honestly. I want to know. This just seems like a fuck load of gossiping to me.
Unwanted_Truth September 10, 2015, 1:05 pm
No. Thank God
Ale September 10, 2015, 1:12 pm
This is like an “I win” update. “See, I was right about her”, update.
If you’re really over all of this, you shouldn’t care about what she does or does not during her parties. At least not enough to write an update about it.
Anonymous September 10, 2015, 2:40 pm
That’s what I was thinking until the part that the LW says that she is now seen as the cause of the breakdown. So I guess that’s the main update related to the LW.
I’m not going to complain as I love updates…I’ll take an update like this (obviously it’s quite negative about the ex friend) over one that leaves you wondering.
Stonegypsy September 10, 2015, 3:39 pm
Your ex friend does sound like kind of a nutcase, but… why exactly did you send this update? It really does come off as a victory lap “See how much better I am! See how crazy she is! See how right I was!”
For all you know, this really could all be gossip from “friends” who are just fed up with her, so why did you need to share it with all of us?
Bittergaymark September 11, 2015, 5:02 am
Um… Okay. Sure, your former friend may very well be wildly out of control — but YOU, sweetie, are in control and apparently take great, vengeful pride in being a smug, gloating, and absurdly judgemental heartless bitch.
PS — Now take a guess, dearie, as to which I find more pathetic and revolting…
Holly September 11, 2015, 8:50 am
Judgemental heartless bitch? Really Mark, can we not with that? What exactly is she supposed to do to show that she’s got a heart? There’s little of nothing about this situation she can actually impact.
Bittergaymark September 11, 2015, 11:14 am
She could perhaps sound less gleeful. Its the glee and the gloating that is both heartless and bitchy… She was positively drooling as she typed up this update… The entire tone is just beyond gross. Especially her utter lack of sincerity about how she hopes her former friend gets help…
juliecatharine September 11, 2015, 11:54 am
My sentiments exactly. The whole letter had a cattiness to it that made the bridal shit show seem wholesome by comparison.
MissDre September 11, 2015, 8:26 am
Holy shit you guys… chill out! people are human. Even if they’ve removed themselves from a situation they’re allowed to still have feelings and an opinion about it.
She’s allowed to hear all this shit and be like “Phew! Bullet dodged!” As for why she’s sending this update… because it’s Dear Wendy and everybody seems to love the train wreck stories about pantsless ramona and groomsmen with no teeth, I mean just look at how much people here love the Friday shortcuts. She probably sent it in for entertainment value. No need to jump down her throat and call her a judgemental bitch.
Lynn September 11, 2015, 9:03 am
Pamplemousse September 11, 2015, 9:25 am
Yeah, way harsh, folks!
juliecatharine September 11, 2015, 11:18 am
Harsh, yes, but anyone who puts mental illness and breakdown in quotes deserves a smack down. Until very recently this woman was a friend and all the LW seems to want to do is broadcast her faults and issues. Not very nice imho.
Bittergaymark September 11, 2015, 11:23 am
Pamplemousse September 11, 2015, 1:24 pm
If you haven’t noticed, the LW uses quotes unnecessarily several times in her post, even for “penis.” I think you’re reading more into her quote marks than what she intends. Or maybe not.
You don’t always get a pass for treating people badly because you have a mental illness. Especially if you refuse to take any responsibility for your actions. Someone with mental illness claiming their doctor said they could get off a medication so that they can drink….yeah, not buying that. I say this as someone who has a mental illness. And who’s had to cut a close family member out of my life who also has a mental illness but refuses to do anything about it. It’s like dealing with an alcoholic or drug addict, often they need to hit rock bottom before they take any responsibility. Meanwhile, their friends and family get to deal with all the stress and fallout. Sometimes for years. Naturally, the resentment builds up. As MissDre said, the LW is only human.
And blaming the LW for her condition? Where the hell is this woman’s fiance and family? Why aren’t they and her doctors suggesting this wedding stress is too much for her to handle right now if she needs to see several therapists daily?
Bittergaymark September 11, 2015, 1:42 pm
All that is true. But fucking irrelevant. Good people don’t gloat about the downfall of others — even if said downfall is, I guess, deserved due to bad behavior. (In your eyes.) The LW is smug and so holier than thou…. Just gag. Barf. Projectile vomit.
Somechick September 19, 2015, 4:31 pm
The bride sounds like an alcoholic and possibly like she has borderline personality or bipolar. It sounds like the LW is still finding the drama exciting. Trust me, after a while the drama gets boring. Just wish your ex-friend well and go about your life.