Updates: “What Would Wendy Do?” Responds

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “What Would Wendy Do?“, the woman who handed $100 to a close friend only to later be led to believe the money was spent on an addiction and she likely would not be re-paid.

“Becky promised to pay me back in two weeks, but it has been a month and two weeks now and I have still not been paid back. I think she could have paid me back by now but hasn’t because she is wrapped up in a substance web: either directly owing for it, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, or just using whatever funds she can get to acquire more. At the same time, that money will not make or break me, and our friendship is worth more than $100. She hasn’t reached out though, and I don’t know where to go from here.”

Update below:

I wish I had a good update for you, Wendy. All that has really happened though is that Becky sent me a message saying that she might be able to pay me back after her mom got her tax return in. Nothing came of that. Then, last weekend, Laura asked Becky to come to town and Becky said she couldn’t because she didn’t have the gas money. Laura said she would pay for Becky’s gas to come see us. Becky then asked Laura to, instead of paying for her gas, just give that money to me to help pay back what I am owed. Laura said ok but that, if she did this for her, then they had to have a tough discussion. Becky said she understood and was agreeable — that she knew what Laura wanted to talk about but it was not an issue and we had it wrong. However, I was not agreeable to taking Laura’s money as repayment for part of Becky’s loan. It didn’t make sense. I don’t need the money (though it would be nice). It wouldn’t fix the real problem.

While I have not seen Becky in person since the loan, I have not cut her out of my life. We text back and forth about memories, kids, or funny memes. We connect over social media. If she says anything about the loan, which she hasn’t in a while, I just say ok. I probably won’t steer away from her either when an occasion that we usually all meet up for arises. However, until Becky can be truthful about her problem and work to fix it, I am going to have to hold our friendship at arm’s length and not so close to the heart for now. Wish us all luck!

P.S. You are pretty awesome, Wendy! Keep it up. =)

I think this is the best path for everyone involved – good luck, and thanks for the update and kind words!


If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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  1. Stillrunning says:

    Oh, boy. This is a classic example of not lending any money you’re not prepared to lose. The aggravation you’re dealing with to get repaid is much more than it’s worth.
    I wonder why you want to keep her friendship since she’s not treating you as a friend. She’ll keep bringing up the loan because it makes her feel like she’s doing something. Which she’s not.
    Maybe tell her to keep the money because you’re tired of the effort to get her to pay you back.
    And of course, never give her another cent.

  2. Stillrunning says:

    LW1- And don’t let her thank you if you do let her off the hook in repaying the loan. Don’t be nice, just say, it was more trouble than it was worth. I don’t care if it hurts her little feelings. She’s being jerk. Call her on it.

  3. dinoceros says:

    What an odd thing for Becky to ask of Laura. When someone gives you financial help so that you all can hang out, then that’s not them giving you free money to do with what you want, especially something that doesn’t even involve the other person.

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