It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Stuck in a Limbo Divorce,” the 40-something woman who was going through a divorce when she met a man online she really hit it off with. He told her he’d been through a divorce himself and that she needed 12 months to process everything before she’d be ready to date anyone seriously. Her divorce was dragging on, and she worried that he wouldn’t wait for her. And, oh yeah, on the side she had a hot karate instructor she was banging “fortnightly,” so it’s not like she was just horny. She updated us once before and said she listened to our advice and moved on already from the guy who wanted to wait 12 months to date her. She also said she had just met a nice chap who was a bit of a “diamond in the rough” because he held his knife and fork like an axe. Keep reading to see whether she’s tamed him.
First, the thing with the Karate instructor ran its course and I let it go. He sent one or two forlorn texts on Christmas Eve, but we parted on good terms. In fact, his last text to me was “have a great new year and stay sexy!”
Anyway, Mr. Axe Cutlery is awfully sweet. He’s a bit of a lark (early riser) so today, by the time my alarm went off, he had brought me coffee in bed, ironed my blouse, and packed me lunch and breakfast! So we had time for awesome sex before I set off for work! Not only that but he also is looking after my dogs, does handyman type jobs for my mum, and is converting his office so my daughter can have a room when we visit his farm.
Axe also downloaded the bus timetable for me so I don’t need to drive 26 miles up and down the freeway from his place for my job in the city. He raises lambs for a hobby, has them humanely butchered and packed, and then GIVES THE PACKS AWAY to extended family, together with boxes of fruit and herbs and stuff from his orchard.
The downside is his primitive table manners (raised by dingoes), a tendency to smoke, working class accent, and slightly nutty family. What do you think? Should I keep him?
P.S. He also has a real job as a mining engineer and is a wizard in the sack (translation: talented in bed).
Hell yeah, keep the lamb farmer! He sounds adorable. Focus on the good stuff, and, whatever you do, don’t start nagging him to change. Send us an update when you get engaged!
***************
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
![\"\"](\"https://d5nxst8fruw4z.cloudfront.net/atrk.gif?account=r/y/j1a0Sn00OI\")
Jess May 27, 2014, 1:07 pm
With all the colorful and entertaining details in this post (axe cutlery, lambs, dingoes, and sack-wizardry), I’d really like this to be a regular column. It could be like my Australian version of Downton Abbey… “Dingo Alley”
lets_be_honest May 27, 2014, 1:12 pm
YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY TAKEN OVER RAMONA’S ROLE AS FAVORITE LW EVER.
Addie Pray May 27, 2014, 1:17 pm
Noooo, you can’t just kick Ramona out like that. She’ll at least forever be our favorite Other Woman.
rainbow May 27, 2014, 1:23 pm
And our favorite pantless person in general.
bethany May 27, 2014, 1:51 pm
I’m going to have to downthumb, because No Pants is my favorite pantless person! 🙂
rainbow May 27, 2014, 2:12 pm
Oh, right! Sorry, No Pants! I like you better too.
No Pants May 27, 2014, 2:14 pm
Thanks!!! I’m having quite the Tuesday and your comments made me smile. 😀
Addie Pray May 27, 2014, 1:15 pm
LW, do you ever hear from the guy who told you to take 12 months before getting into anything serious?
Addie Pray May 27, 2014, 1:16 pm
LIke, any “well, 12 months is up, let’s get serious!” texts from him?
Moneypenny May 27, 2014, 2:29 pm
Yeah, I’m curious about that too!
Tax Geek May 27, 2014, 1:19 pm
If this woman isn’t a regular commenter (is that a word?) she should be.
No Pants May 27, 2014, 1:23 pm
I want you to have your own weekly column. You’re fun!
HmC May 27, 2014, 1:29 pm
Please never stop sending us updates LW, your writing makes me so happy!
captainswife May 27, 2014, 1:45 pm
How is this even a question? Keep him! You’ll be able to correct the axeman over time (gently and with love).
And, yes, Dingo Alley needs to be a regular feature of this column. For sure.
othy May 27, 2014, 1:47 pm
Hehehe, raised by dingos. I suppose he couldn’t have been raised by wolves, what with the growing up in Australia and all. Also, please tell me he has brothers in the US. I know more than a few single ladies who would love someone like him.
kerrycontrary May 27, 2014, 2:21 pm
Haha this guy sounds awesome! He’s a keeper. Lock that shit down.
Moneypenny May 27, 2014, 2:31 pm
I love this update!
And I think I will adopt the opening “Hi there lovelies” for all of my emails and correspondence. (Unless it’s work related… that might not be “office appropriate.”)
ktfran May 27, 2014, 2:45 pm
If things don’t work out, send him to Chicago. AP and I can fight over him. Although my own money is on AP.
Diablo May 27, 2014, 3:22 pm
Sounds like things are going well! But I’d just like to say that we are a global community, not totally American, not totally dependent on TV for our frame of reference, and totally capable of dealing with Aussie idiom, provided the issues in question have been covered in Crocodile Dundee, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, ads for Foster’s Lager, and the University of Wallamalloo sketch by Monty Python. Beyond that, we’re lost. Oh, and primitive table manners? That’s just a guy thing.
Tax Geek May 27, 2014, 3:32 pm
You forgot Outback Steakhouse. No Rules, Just Right!
Diablo May 27, 2014, 3:48 pm
Remember when Mel Gibson was Australian? I wonder if they are as embarrassed by Mel as Canadians are by the trifecta of Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and Nickelback. Actually, add Bryan Adams, and you’re pretty much looking at the Horsemen (Hey Celine! Why the long face?) of the Apocalypse. Sorry, rest o’ tha world.
Moneypenny May 27, 2014, 3:54 pm
There’s also Marie’s Mind for Murder, if you watch PBS. It takes place in Melbourne!
Taylor May 27, 2014, 3:23 pm
Hubba!!
Banana May 27, 2014, 4:34 pm
You’re an inspiration to us all.
Bittergaymark May 27, 2014, 5:17 pm
If wanting to dump somebody who is perfect in EVERY WAY except for how he his knife and fork is truly an inspiration to you all… You all need to find much better inspirations…
The tone is light, breezy, funny.
But the content? Vapid and shallow.
CatsMeow May 27, 2014, 5:42 pm
Is “vapid” your favorite word? I’ve never heard anyone use it as often as you. I can’t even hear it or say it without thinking of BGM. 🙂
Bittergaymark May 27, 2014, 8:14 pm
It simply applies here constantly lately… or so it seems.
tbrucemom May 27, 2014, 6:35 pm
Thanks BGM, I thought I was the only one that thought the LW sounded shallow. Working class accent? I don’t know what that even means. It sounds like he treats her better than she deserves. As far as the guy who thought she should wait 12 months before dating, I actually think that’s good advice that I heard from many resources after my divorce.
bittergaymark May 27, 2014, 8:16 pm
Seriously. And dumb, too. I mean — REALLY?! Who the fuck can’t download a bus timetable for themselves? This whole update made me gag. The LW came off as just… well, such a user. And about as deep as a mud puddle in the Sahara…
sarita_f May 27, 2014, 6:51 pm
Dingo Alley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re fun, LW, stay sexy!
Married By Elvis May 28, 2014, 1:06 pm
“Wizard in the sack” requires no translation.
Paperwhite June 8, 2014, 9:11 am
Hello there,
Okay: BGM, please go and read the wikipedia for Aesop’s ‘the Fox and the Grapes’.
And try some new variants on “vapid.” Next time I post, please dismiss me as lacklustre. Or wishy-washy. Or jejune!.
Diablo: I’m afraid Mel Gibson was born in Peekskill , New York, and moved to Australia when he was 12. But, yeah, we all cringe with embarrassment anyway.
Xxx LW