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I was just talking with my therapist about this last week. So, we have a school-wide communications platform/ message board where people have been pretty active in advocating for the kids, asking questions, sharing info. etc. (basically, a lot of emotional/mental labor). You can see who reads your messages, and since I’ve posted a lot, I’ve have particular insight in who is actively engaging in this platform and is it 90% moms. Anyway, I mentioned this to my therapist and how moms are doing so much more emotional labor right now (and, let’s face it, always) and she said, “It’s not even 11 am and you’re the third woman I’ve had this discussion with.”
That said, I need to say that Drew is an outlier. He is the breadwinner in our family but he still very much shares the load in childcare, and domestic stuff. He even went so far as to get a different freelance gig that allows for flexible hours so he can be more available during school hours to help with homeschooling our kids. I know I’m really, really lucky, and it’s still so hard.
@Leslie, there’s definitely a difference in risks people are taking, and when I get letters from people discussing how they met up with friends for dinner three times last week, went to two parties over the weekend and are now mad because they weren’t invited to another party this coming weekend, I don’t feel bad about being sanctimonious and judgmental towards them and their selfish and reckless behavior. My parents have barely left their house for over seven months and my 5-year-old is doing kindergarten over zoom this year, so cry me a river.
Yeah, but people will. And they’ll call these get-togethers “calculated risks” and we’ll all be screwed come January (and earlier). Since people are going to gather anyway, I hope people will at least reduce their exposure and risk by limiting sizes of these gatherings, travel, etc.
We were just invited to A thanksgiving gathering with extended family that we’re going to have to skip, and even though I’d planned to spend the winter holidays with my parents for the first time in several years, we’re going to postpone that for another year. It’ll have been ten months since I last saw my Parents, 14 months since I saw my sister, and will likely be many more months before I see any of them again. 🙁
- This reply was modified 5 days, 22 hours ago by Dear Wendy.
Here’s that IHME projection:
They’re projecting that by Thanksgiving (Nov. 26) daily cases in the US will be almost double what they are today. And by Christmas, daily deaths will be nearly three times what they are today. Projections suggest that by the middle of January, our daily death count will be the highest it’s been during the entire pandemic, but of course, all of that is subject to change and is very dependent on people’s behavior between now and then.
I’m trying to get my kids out as much as we can while the weather is nice and the cases are still really low in NYC. They aren’t going to school, which reduces our risk and exposure by a lot, so I feel ok balancing that with trips to the playground or park (especially during school hours when these places are pretty empty). I just ordered them really warm coats for winter and I am hoping we have a mild winter like we did last year, but I expect we’ll be hunkering down a lot and probably feeling kind of lonely.
I think the upcoming holidays, when the IHME projects cases will be surging across the country in a second wave that may be even higher than what we experienced in the spring, will be especially challenging for people. Holidays are already pretty lonely for a lot of people and there’s going to be a lot of temptation, not to mention a lot of pressure, to gather with loved ones. I think NOW is a good time to consider how to best handle this. What is your own comfort level? Maybe getting together with one other couple or one other family? Immediate family only? Celebrating only with people you share a home with? Staying local (no air travel, no long distance driving or staying overnight somewhere?).
Obviously, there’s not necessarily “right” or “wrong” ways here, but there’s definitely a spectrum of risk, just like there always has been, and people are going to judge, people are going to feel slighted or rejected or offended, and the best any of us can do is find a balance between certain risks and tending to our emotional well-being in whatever ways we feel most comfortable with and confident about.
@LadyE, I totally get where you’re coming from as the anger and disappointment is something I’ve struggled with for months as I watch friends and people do things I think are needlessly reckless while my family and I continue sacrificing a lot. And we aren’t sacrificing just – or even mainly – for our own well-being; we’re sacrificing for the greater good, to help reduce the spread of this virus and save lives. It’s hard when you sacrifice a lot and you see other people act as if they don’t have a care in the world.October 4, 2020 at 9:21 am in reply to: This whole Trump situation just gets worse and worse everyday #962874
My prediction is that Trump will pull through this and we’ll likely never know how dire the situation got while he was infected bc we can’t trust the White House to be transparent about anything. However, we know now that Trump was a super spreader. Already, there are like 14 people he was either in direct contact with or who were in direct contact with someone from that rose garden announcement weekend who have tested positive, including morbidly obese Chris Christie who is going to have a hell of a time with covid. We also know Trump went to a fundraiser (or maybe multiple fundraisers? I can’t remember for sure) in New Jersey on Thursday, AFTER he knew he was at risk of having covid (I think he already knew he was positive but that’s unconfirmed at this point). If any deaths can be traced to his recklessness, even if HE survives (which is likely will, but we’ll see), he has even more blood on his hands than he already did. There’s a criminal code in New Jersey around the idea of reckless manslaughter – endangering someone through reckless acts, like, I don’t know, exposing hundreds of people to a deadly virus you know you’re at high risk of having.
Then again, this info is only coming from the most prestigious centers for global health research in the world (IHME). It’s probably fake news.
LadyE, you saying that your state is lifting some restrictions (despite outbreaks) made me think about this graph I saw recently on covid projections:
There’s a line in the graph for projections is states begin easing restrictions, a line for projections is restrictions stay exactly as they are currently, and a line for universal mask use (95%, nationally I believe we’re around 50-55%). The line for eased restrictions shows up to 5000 deaths a day by December 1 (five times more than the already horrific rate of a 1000 a day that we’re at now).
Send me a link, too, please!
In what state is a 150-guest wedding currently allowed?! Even outdoors, a wedding with no masks is likely to get people sick and perhaps even kill a few guests. But, hey, at least the bride got her pretty princess party. Definitely more important than, say, my children going school.
I am *really* running out of patience for people’s incredible selfishness.