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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 611 total)
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  • in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118544
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Leslie, that’s a great tip about dramamine! I didn’t even think of that but I’m going to go get some to have on hand. I think the vertigo is my least favorite symptom… after the insomnia. Or, maybe they’re tied. Actually, all of it is bad! If men went through menopause, there would have been so much research and so many clinical trials by now and we’d have better treatments – and info! – than what’s available now.

    I do have a couple friends who are 50+ who have had hardly any symptoms besides lots of missed periods, so there’s hope for those of you who haven’t experienced the fun yet. Maybe you’ll be among the lucky ones who have a relatively easy time through perimenopause.

    in reply to: Am I wrong for expecting my partner to pay me #1118534
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Oh, no, no, no. This is not right AT ALL. None of it. Your top priority right now, besides the safety and wellbeing of your kids, of course, is protecting yourself and your assets. I would speak to a lawyer and an accountant. Found out exactly what you are legally entitles to and talk with the lawyer about the steps you need to take now to be in the best financial position possible should you decide to leave him.

    You’re in a super vulnerable position right now and a partner who wants to, could really exploit your vulnerability and fuck you over. I worry that your parter could be like that, so I really hope you get all your legal and financial ducks in a row and then when you do, you have that as some leverage should he continue to try to take advantage of you.

    Beyond the legal and financial stuff, you have to figure out the emotional. You’ve been with this guy a long time. Do you love him? Do you like him? Is the relationship mutually satisfying? If not, why do you stay with him? Your whole message is all about the money but it’s also not about the money at all. it’s about what’s going on between the two of you and if what’s going on isn’t great and hasn’t been great for a long time, you should leave. This guy just sounds like not the best dude and so if you don’t really really love him and have a satisfying, enjoyable, meaningful relationship, what’s the point in being with him? For financial security? You don’t even have that.

    So, talk to a lawyer and maybe an accountant, get all your shit in order, have a little financial nest egg and a plan, and do what you need to do.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118528
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Leslie, I have vertigo! It’s terrible. It started in the spring for me. I had it so bad yesterday while on the subway that I had to get out and walk the two miles home bc I felt so nauseous on the subway.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118523
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster
    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118521
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Ha, I have close friends who are a few years older and talk about their hot flashes and other symptoms, so I knew a little bit. I shared a room last spring on weekend trip with one friend who’s 51 and she brought a lil fan with her that she kept on her nightstand and turned on high speed all night. She said once peri started a few years earlier, she never traveled anywhere without a fan, even if it meant carrying it on the plane in a carryon bag.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118520
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Ha, I have close friends who are a few years older and talk about their hot flashes and other symptoms, so I knew a little bit. I shared a room last spring on weekend trip with one friend who’s 51 and she brought a lil fan with her that she kept on her nightstand and turned on high speed all night. She said once peri started a few years earlier, she never traveled anywhere without a fan, even if it meant carrying it on the plane in a carryon bag.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118517
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Yeah, it feels counterintuitive to open a window when it’s 20 degrees outside but it sure helps. I forgot to open a window before I fell asleep last night so Drew opened one before he went to bed. He woke up this morning exclaiming how cold it was in the room – I was not cold at all! – and it made me feel grateful he’s sacrificing his own comfort so I can sleep (which, let’s face it, benefits him too. Having a chronically sleep-deprived wife has to be a lil miserable).

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118515
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    I’m 46, btw, and general peri symptoms started about three years ago, really coinciding with the start of Covid so I think I attributed changes to pandemic-related stress but in retrospect I think it was probably more peri symptoms (but stress too). What a nutty time that was.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118513
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    I do sweat a bit, but definitely the bigger symptom is feeling like my body is a furnace and overheating on the inside. I have friends a few years older who sweat so much at night that they soak their sheets. That’s not happening to me (yet). But, man, last week was the worst I ever had it: seven nights in a row feeling like I was going to just explode I felt so hot. Then I finally opened a damn window and the relief was immediate. Started my period the next day too (five days late and after almost a week of spotting; I was crossing my fingers I might have my first month of a skipped period but nah. That’s still the one big peri symptom I’m waiting on. I’ve had two periods in one month several times and 10-day long periods followed by 2-day periods the next month but still no skipped month).

    I’ve been sleeping with a window open every night since I made the amazing discovery that I could do that, and have not been hot at all and have been sleeping well.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1118511
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Ah, one day when I am an empty-nester and the kids’ college is paid for, I will join in on these convos about weekly manicures and beach vacations (we spent a small fortune on our beach vacation to grand cayman last February and justified it bc of all the $$ we saved not leaving our house for the first year of the pandemic, but when your availability to travel is limited to NYC public school breaks and the airlines triple flight costs to any island during that week, its just not in the cards for most of us). And I’ve had probably five professional manicures in the past ten years, none of which has been anything other than just a normal manicure (no gel or anything like that). Sometimes I feel like I’m reading about life on another planet (but it’s interesting and gives me something to look forward to one day!).

    in reply to: “A Man Asked My Boyfriend to Take Nude Photos of Him” #1118504
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Honestly, what man – especially a gay man – goes on a dating app for the sole purpose of making friends with zero intention of anything else? I don’t buy it.

    It sounds to me like this is your boyfriend’s weird way of bringing up boundaries in your relationship and trying to get a sense of what yours are. So, in a sense, that part of the task has already been done for you. Your boyfriend already brought up the topic. Now it’s up to you to be honest about your boundaries, which could go something like this: “Hey, remember when you asked me about taking nude photos of the man you men on the dating app? I thought about it and I’m actually not ok with a romantic partner taking nude photos of another man – a man he’s never even met in person. Furthermore, I’m uncomfortable with you being on a dating site when we are in an exclusive relationship, even if it’s “just to make friends.” There are other ways to make friends that don’t so easily suggest you might be open to more than friendship.” If your boyfriend doesn’t respect these clear boundaries, he probably isn’t the right match for you and it’s time to move on.

    in reply to: “A Man Asked My Boyfriend to Take Nude Photos of Him” #1118493
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

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