Forum Replies Created
March 22, 2023 at 9:34 pm in reply to: Sent her a text tonight #1119244
If she didn’t text back, she’s not interestedMarch 20, 2023 at 6:27 pm in reply to: “Is He My FWB Or Something More?” #1119220
If you want to be perpetually unfulfilled in this relationship, keep seeing him. If you want to eventually be totally heartbroken when he meets someone he actually wants to be in a relationship with, keep seeing him.
If you want literally anything else, move on. It’s never going to get any better than it is currently with him.March 9, 2023 at 12:42 pm in reply to: “He Wants to Get Back With His Ex” #1119073
I’m on team “tell him”.
Don’t expect anything to come of it. But if he sees you as a serious friend, and you suddenly stop talking to him if and when he gets back with his ex, he deserves to know a reason why.
If the sexes were reversed, we’d be coming down on the guy for only being in a friendship because there’s a chance they might hook up. There’s a lot of valid reasons it’s not the same when you flip the sexes, but the guys feelings do deserve some consideration, and I think he deserves to know the truth behind why you were friends one day and the next you weren’t.March 7, 2023 at 2:14 pm in reply to: Dating seems hard these days #1119043
Yeah my dude. Women are judgemental and paranoid of men, but it’s out of necessity.
Women on dating apps are subject to a constant stream of duds. They range from guys whose conversation skills are limited to the word “hey” to unsolicited dick picks to straight up stalkers. Women have to have their guards up out of necessity.
My best advice for a man seeking out women on a dating app is to be patient. When you initiate conversation, do so specifically. You can’t just say “what’s up” and expect that to be enough. Find someone you have a mutual interest with and start a genuine conversation.
An online message of “sup” is the equivalent of hoping to make a connection with a stranger while shopping. Don’t hold your breath.
Don’t be hurt if you don’t get a response immediately. Remember women are likely sifting through dozens of messages on a daily basis.
Don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response at all.March 6, 2023 at 4:15 pm in reply to: Ignoring and insults #1119029
Just because I think it’s important to recognize where your self esteem is at: You just apologized for wasting our time.
No. Just no.
Nobody is forcing us to come onto this website and listen to you. No one has a gun to our head and is making us try to get through to you. Nobody here is actually employed by this website except for Wendy (and maybe Kate? I’m not sure what the arrangement is beyond Wendy is the boss and Kate is the deputy)
Most of us are here because we want to be here. We are here because we all know what it’s like to be low. We’re here because we want to be.
And you think you’re so unworthy of love, that you’re not even worth the time it takes for people offer advice to you on a volunteer online-advice forum.
I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true. You’re a worthy person. You deserve a better life than what you currently have. You’re entitled to it. You don’t deserve to have anyone say mean things about you. You don’t deserve to say mean things about yourself.
So please, follow Kate’s advice and get the ball rolling on getting serious mental help.March 5, 2023 at 12:50 am in reply to: Guy asked me out and now makes me feel bad for saying no. #1118966
He’s using his depression as a weapon to try to manipulate you into a relationship.
Don’t let him hide behind his autism. He knows what he’s doing.
Break off contact as much as you are able, and be thankful you never did actually start dating him.
Don’t feel bad. You’ve done him a favor by teaching a valuable lesson about love-bombing and moving too fast. If you acquiesce to his depression-temper-tantrum, you will just teach him that it’s an effective strategy, and he will continue doing it. The absolute best thing you can do for him is to not date him and not talk to him.March 5, 2023 at 12:43 am in reply to: Ignoring and insults #1118965
This cycle is going to continue to repeat, and every time it repeats it’s going to get a little bit worse.
He’ll become distant.
You’ll blame yourself.
You’ll try to get in his good graces again to get his approval because it’s the only thing that makes you feel worthy.
He’ll do something abusive.
He’ll apologize and make you feel bad for being mad at him.
Your relationship today is the best it will ever be. If that doesn’t terrify you, I don’t know what will.March 2, 2023 at 8:06 pm in reply to: Ignoring and insults #1118932
Yup – this is beyond the help you can get from an advice column or message board.
Speaking as a recovering co-dependent myself, I will say you are severely co-dependent. You are so desperate for this guy’s approval that your life revolves around it. And he seems to be offering you nothing but misery.
You don’t have to live like this. Find therapy and get this guy out of your life. Build a life of your own that doesn’t require approval from anyone else.March 2, 2023 at 11:32 am in reply to: “Should I Stop Seeing My FWB?” #1118921
Wendy is dead on here.
He’s being honest with you about what he wants. He likes you, he’s sexually attracted to you, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s obvious that you do. You should listen to him and move on from this.
Don’t kid yourself that you’ll be happy with a FWB relationship with him.February 22, 2023 at 1:00 pm in reply to: Ending an engagement #1118769
I agree with the “don’t tell about the cheating” sentiment, with the caveat that if there’s a real risk of him having been exposed to STDs, then you need to tell him.
If you don’t think that’s likely, rip the band-aid off quickly and permanently if you don’t want to be with him.
I will add: On the odd chance you love him and want to be with him, but are punishing yourself for cheating on him, there’s potential to move on from this with enough honesty. But this doesn’t seem to be the case here.February 22, 2023 at 12:53 pm in reply to: Boyfriend freaked and cursed me out over something stupid. I am worried now. #1118768
If you really do want to find a way to move forward – you MUST stand your ground and let him know the way he acted is absolutely, 100 percent unacceptable. No making excuses for him like “In his defense I was wearing AF1s…”. It doesn’t matter if you wear socks 364 days a year and just didn’t this day. The way he responded is entirely unacceptable. They are your goddamn feet and you are allowed to do what you please with them.February 22, 2023 at 12:50 pm in reply to: Boyfriend freaked and cursed me out over something stupid. I am worried now. #1118767
It’s not clear how long you’ve been dating this guy, but considering your age it can’t be that long.
He treated you in a way that is totally unacceptable. Imagine if he talked this way to a co-worker or a supervisor. He would be fired. Why is it ok to talk to you this way but not his peers?
Unless there are some extreme extenuating circumstances and this is really uncharacteristic of him (for example, did a parent die recently and he’s under a great deal of stress and not his best self), break up with him.