Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 322 total)
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  • avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Genuinely Kate, I appreciate and understand your perspective. Your position is probably closer to the typical norm than mine. I need to be reminded from time to time as someone in a potentially non-monogamous relationship that my view is often well outside of the norm.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    For the record, since it was brought up, we’re both monogamous but both open to non-monogamy, and really don’t get jealous very easily.

    I’m not saying people should be force themselves to do things they are uncomfortable with. The points that I wanted to make was that there isn’t that much of a difference from traditional pornography and only fans, and it’s worth understanding the difference. It strikes me as a common misconception that OnlyFans is like paying for an online girlfriend when for the most part, it’s mainly just adult content where the performer is paid more-or-less directly, and content is regulated more thoroughly than the PornHub-content farms.

    But I can understand now that for some paying the performer directly is the over the line. I do think it’s always worth understanding where and why our lines are drawn, but we can set them wherever we want.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Yeah, we’re definitely on the same page there.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    “I feel like the guy who tells you after a few months of dating that he pays for some girl’s nudes and cams, is going to tell you after 4 years that he’s been hooking up with the bartender. Thank you for listening to my TED talk.”

    I did take this a little personally, but can also now see how it specifically is in reference to the original guy in question.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Oh yeah, I definitely agree that *this guy* is being at least a bit shady. I just don’t think that it’s fair to paint everyone who subscribes to an OnlyFans as some kind of perv who is going cheat at the first opportunity.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    @Kate – Apologies for going off topic with this. I have issues with the stranglehold that PH has on the industry and the complete lack of accountability they have due to their monopoly, so I got a bit defensive of its more ethical competitors. But I went over a line, so for that, I am sorry.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Is it really better to use free sites like Pornhub, which has a lot of videos that have been uploaded without the performers consent (including both videos from professional adult performers and people loading their own private videos as revenge porn) and has been a haven for sex traffickers than to pay a small fee to an individual performer?

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    I’m of the mindset that people are entitled to some amount of private sexual autonomy and privacy. I don’t think it’s necessary or healthy for a person to report on everything they fantasize about in private. Obviously there is a limit to that – if the amount that someone is spending on pornography affects day to day life, yeah, that’s a problem.

    I feel like a lot of the issues being raised about OnlyFans is that the women performing there seem more like real people than traditional porn, and that mindset strikes me as a bit problematic.

    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    In defense of OnlyFans, it has been a game changer in the adult content market, effectively cutting out all notoriously skeezy middlemen and allowing sex workers access to a broad market that they can control and get a much larger share of profits. It’s a major competitor to Pornhub which is notorious for a broad range of violations.

    That said – I do agree that there is something off here. It’s odd that he’s apologizing for this. Maybe he’s testing the waters to see where you stand on things. Maybe he’s aggressively pursuing someone on OF. Maybe he wants to be amore ethical porn consumer but was feeling bad about the personal nature of OF. This will require a lot of hard conversations, but I don’t think this has to be a dealbreaker.

    in reply to: Going to male friends house #963373
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    @KTFran. You are absolutely 100% right. Those are all things that she should be doing before even attempting to date. But she isn’t and won’t. She is just repeating the same thing over and over. I’m simply suggesting that doing *anything* – even if it is destructive in the short term – is better than doing *this*.

    in reply to: Going to male friends house #963369
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    @KTFran – It doesn’t have to be a fling or a hookup. She just needs to do SOMETHING because otherwise it’s ongoing misery. This is the only life she’s known and that’s sad.

    Tina – I married the person I was with at 19 also. When we divorced 10 years later, I had no idea how miserable I actually was until I was out of it. Believe me when I say that life doesn’t have to be like this. It won’t be easy but life is so much better on the other side.

    in reply to: Going to male friends house #963366
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    @AndreaLetsen – Tina is a regular help-seeker here. The situation here is fabricated. She basically just flipped the genders here. Her husband has a “best friend” that he spends all of his free time with. Her husband has a history of cheating and making Tina miserable.

    Tina – you said you haven’t been on a date since you were 19. You literally don’t have any idea what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t a piece of shit. Life can be so much better than this. Go on a date. Don’t even wait to get divorced or separated at this point. Find someone better.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 322 total)
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