bloodymediocrity

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Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 166 total)
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  • June 11, 2023 at 5:24 pm #1123081

    You can stop talking to whoever you want, whenever you want, for whatever reason you want.

    This seems like a very one-sided relationship to me, and not a very friendly one at that.

    I feel like I missed the part where you emotionally cheated, so stop feeling bad about that.

    June 9, 2023 at 5:55 pm #1123067

    You’re not obligated to share or withhold information. If I were in your situation, I would be honest if asked directly “hey, why isn’t Tanya talking to me anymore?”, but otherwise casually avoid the topic. If Tanya asked you to not say anything to Denise, you can simply say “you will have to ask Tanya about that.”

    This is not your burden to bare. You are the only one in control of your relationships – you can’t control who other people like.

    May 25, 2023 at 6:11 pm #1120570

    Saw the name change just like @Moneypenny and decided to finally comment in this thread. Especially since it’s now official…This thread officially lasted longer than my marriage. I’m officially divorced now, apparently (I haven’t gotten official notification yet but apparently my ex did).

    I’m doing really well overall but slowly coming to terms with how bad things have really been and how much I’ve turned a blind eye to. Yikes. I thought initially I’d be able to remain friends and on good terms but I’m thinking now that’s not going to be the healthiest option for me.

    So if anyone wants to find me an “awesome date” help me out!*

    (see how I brought it all full circle?)

    *not actually ready for dating yet

    May 21, 2023 at 6:46 pm #1120511

    People can have a hard life and you can be sympathetic to them, but if they don’t treat you well, you still don’t have to put up with it. You sounds like you have a lot of empathy, which is good overall, but it can lead you to dangerous places where you can excuse bad behavior. For example: “Oh, he’s just jealous because of his financial insecurities”

    To answer your core question “How do I fix myself and be self sufficient after a series of bad relationships?” Therapy and plenty of time spent being single. Get comfortable being without a romantic partner.

    May 17, 2023 at 7:51 am #1120409

    It’s ok to have complicated feelings when someone dies. It’s also ok to have uncomplicated feelings when someone dies. Your father sounds like a miserable human who brings nothing but misery to those around him. You can bring empathy to those grieving, especially your husband, but you’re not under obligation to feel that grief yourself.

    You also don’t need to find excuses to justify his behavior. Inter-generational trauma or not, it doesn’t sound like he ever took any steps to think about how his actions affect those around him. This is a guy who thinks it’s funny to make kids cry. It doesn’t get much lower than that.

    From the sounds of it, I doubt you’re alone in your feelings.

    May 14, 2023 at 1:43 pm #1120387

    “Tina wouldn’t have to cut the tie overnight. She simply could just little by little let the son go and then she could stay away focusing on her other friends (she has a lot), her family, herself and her relationship with me.”

    Reread this. Now, if this were a line in a movie, would it be said by a good guy or a bad guy?

    Don’t push her in this way. If you really trust her not to cheat on you, trust her to deal with Max. If you don’t trust her, that’s ok too, but be upfront and call it off. Don’t push her to push away the closest thing to a child she has. That’s fucked up.

    May 12, 2023 at 11:01 pm #1120346

    I think sometimes, for reasons we’re unsure, two people have a chemistry that makes them act very irrationally, and that seems to be going on here. This is Schrodinger’s boyfriend. You simultaneously want and don’t want him.

    It seems to be you want him to want you, but don’t actually want him. That’s what your actions are saying at least. This is probably worth exploring in therapy.

    Leave the poor guy alone, if not for your sake, than his.

    May 11, 2023 at 5:04 pm #1120305

    I’m sure Jeff is long gone now, but I wanted to point out something in case he’s still poking around

    It was you who perceived Anonymousse and Kate’s early posts as aggressive, when they really weren’t. They were direct with you and straight to the point, which you saw as seen as aggressive because of how women are typically socialized to cater toward men’s feelings. You responded even more aggressively and escalated things.

    This behavior is exactly the kind that women are wary of and why consent is a tricky issue: You never know how a man is going to react to a woman being direct. You reacted like you were being attacked and got defensive.

    I have serious doubts you would have reacted that way if Ron or I had given you the exact same comments.

    May 10, 2023 at 12:21 pm #1120174

    As men/AMAB, I think it’s a good idea when interacting with women that we recognize that every woman we speak to has likely had a great deal of terrible interactions with men. I assume that until I’ve proven otherwise, I’m seen as a potential threat. Assume that without enthusiastic consent you’re applying too much pressure, because women typically are socialized to say yes in place of possibly hurting a man’s feelings, because when men’s feelings are hurt they can become dangerous.

    It’s not that all men are dangerous, but any man has that potential, so it may as well be all men.

    May 10, 2023 at 10:57 am #1120132

    I think the podunk comment was in response to this comment.

    “I don’t think hooking up on a first date should be any real indicator of intent… it should be one of interest. But that’s just me and that’s where I come from on this having… grown up in NYC I guess.”

    I took it similarly to how Anonymousse did.

    Since no one else has brought it up, I’d like to propose another possibility of why things turned for the worse on this date: Maybe your date was not feeling the sexual connection with you and it changed her perspective on how the date went.

    May 9, 2023 at 1:24 pm #1120073

    You’re allowed to draw whatever boundaries you want, but I can’t be the only one that thinks “installing accountability software” is a major privacy violation.

    Going forward, you need to be very upfront at the beginning of a relationship that “no pornography” is a hard line for you, and be very clear what you define pornography as because even that definition is going to change person-to-person. For example, is it just videos of sexual acts? Is it pornography if it’s only one person in underwear? Is a thirst-trap heavy Instagram account pornography? Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition? Sears Catalog? Is it cheating if he fantasizes about anyone else?

    Be prepared for this to be a deal-breaker for a lot of guys.

    May 4, 2023 at 4:06 pm #1119950

    Are the job and the boyfriend a package deal? Can you not take the job and ditch the boyfriend for some reason?

    Also I would like to know more about what’s wrong with your reactions. The way it’s presented here it sounds like your fault is you get mad when he lies…which is a pretty normal response to being lied to.

Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 166 total)