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Viewing 12 posts - 85 through 96 (of 174 total)
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  • April 1, 2023 at 10:25 am #1119453

    Please put this guy out of his misery and ask him out already!

    March 26, 2023 at 11:54 am #1119341

    First off, if it’s an option, therapy.

    “I’m a terrible person and I don’t deserve to be her friend, let alone her boyfriend.”

    You’re not a terrible person for acknowledging what you want (to not be her boyfriend). That this is your first thought suggests deeper issues.

    I get that you feel bad, but you didn’t do anything wrong. If you would have agreed to be her boyfriend when you didn’t want to be, you’d have been lying to her. That’s worse.

    Sometimes we get crushes and ask people out, and are disappointed with the answer. It sucks but it’s a part of life. Your friend will need to work her way through it. It’s hard to hear but it’s not your responsibility to guide her through this process. I know you want to help (Because you’re a good caring person) but you literally cannot. You are the worst person on earth to help her through this.

    Give her some time to adjust to the new status quo, and keep reminding yourself YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. She will either accept the new reality as new friends, or decide that she can’t be friends with you right now because it’s painful for her. Let the ball be in her court.

    March 22, 2023 at 9:34 pm #1119244

    If she didn’t text back, she’s not interested

    March 20, 2023 at 6:27 pm #1119220

    If you want to be perpetually unfulfilled in this relationship, keep seeing him. If you want to eventually be totally heartbroken when he meets someone he actually wants to be in a relationship with, keep seeing him.

    If you want literally anything else, move on. It’s never going to get any better than it is currently with him.

    March 9, 2023 at 12:42 pm #1119073

    I’m on team “tell him”.

    Don’t expect anything to come of it. But if he sees you as a serious friend, and you suddenly stop talking to him if and when he gets back with his ex, he deserves to know a reason why.

    If the sexes were reversed, we’d be coming down on the guy for only being in a friendship because there’s a chance they might hook up. There’s a lot of valid reasons it’s not the same when you flip the sexes, but the guys feelings do deserve some consideration, and I think he deserves to know the truth behind why you were friends one day and the next you weren’t.

    March 7, 2023 at 2:14 pm #1119043

    Yeah my dude. Women are judgemental and paranoid of men, but it’s out of necessity.

    Women on dating apps are subject to a constant stream of duds. They range from guys whose conversation skills are limited to the word “hey” to unsolicited dick picks to straight up stalkers. Women have to have their guards up out of necessity.

    My best advice for a man seeking out women on a dating app is to be patient. When you initiate conversation, do so specifically. You can’t just say “what’s up” and expect that to be enough. Find someone you have a mutual interest with and start a genuine conversation.

    An online message of “sup” is the equivalent of hoping to make a connection with a stranger while shopping. Don’t hold your breath.

    Don’t be hurt if you don’t get a response immediately. Remember women are likely sifting through dozens of messages on a daily basis.

    Don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response at all.

    March 6, 2023 at 4:15 pm #1119029

    Just because I think it’s important to recognize where your self esteem is at: You just apologized for wasting our time.

    No. Just no.

    Nobody is forcing us to come onto this website and listen to you. No one has a gun to our head and is making us try to get through to you. Nobody here is actually employed by this website except for Wendy (and maybe Kate? I’m not sure what the arrangement is beyond Wendy is the boss and Kate is the deputy)

    Most of us are here because we want to be here. We are here because we all know what it’s like to be low. We’re here because we want to be.

    And you think you’re so unworthy of love, that you’re not even worth the time it takes for people offer advice to you on a volunteer online-advice forum.

    I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true. You’re a worthy person. You deserve a better life than what you currently have. You’re entitled to it. You don’t deserve to have anyone say mean things about you. You don’t deserve to say mean things about yourself.

    So please, follow Kate’s advice and get the ball rolling on getting serious mental help.

    March 5, 2023 at 12:50 am #1118966

    He’s using his depression as a weapon to try to manipulate you into a relationship.

    Don’t let him hide behind his autism. He knows what he’s doing.

    Break off contact as much as you are able, and be thankful you never did actually start dating him.

    Don’t feel bad. You’ve done him a favor by teaching a valuable lesson about love-bombing and moving too fast. If you acquiesce to his depression-temper-tantrum, you will just teach him that it’s an effective strategy, and he will continue doing it. The absolute best thing you can do for him is to not date him and not talk to him.

    March 5, 2023 at 12:43 am #1118965

    This cycle is going to continue to repeat, and every time it repeats it’s going to get a little bit worse.

    He’ll become distant.
    You’ll blame yourself.
    You’ll try to get in his good graces again to get his approval because it’s the only thing that makes you feel worthy.
    He’ll do something abusive.
    He’ll apologize and make you feel bad for being mad at him.

    Your relationship today is the best it will ever be. If that doesn’t terrify you, I don’t know what will.

    March 2, 2023 at 8:06 pm #1118932

    Yup – this is beyond the help you can get from an advice column or message board.

    Speaking as a recovering co-dependent myself, I will say you are severely co-dependent. You are so desperate for this guy’s approval that your life revolves around it. And he seems to be offering you nothing but misery.

    You don’t have to live like this. Find therapy and get this guy out of your life. Build a life of your own that doesn’t require approval from anyone else.

    March 2, 2023 at 11:32 am #1118921

    Wendy is dead on here.

    He’s being honest with you about what he wants. He likes you, he’s sexually attracted to you, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s obvious that you do. You should listen to him and move on from this.

    Don’t kid yourself that you’ll be happy with a FWB relationship with him.

    February 22, 2023 at 1:00 pm #1118769

    I agree with the “don’t tell about the cheating” sentiment, with the caveat that if there’s a real risk of him having been exposed to STDs, then you need to tell him.

    If you don’t think that’s likely, rip the band-aid off quickly and permanently if you don’t want to be with him.

    I will add: On the odd chance you love him and want to be with him, but are punishing yourself for cheating on him, there’s potential to move on from this with enough honesty. But this doesn’t seem to be the case here.

Viewing 12 posts - 85 through 96 (of 174 total)