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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

carolann

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 40 total)
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  • in reply to: Am I in the wrong ? #787751
    carolann
    Member

    I am sorry Kate, but if someone has 4 kids they can’t give a safe secure home to they probably shouldn’t have any more.
    This is a huge problem in America. There are so many like her. It is hard to feel sympathy when you think about what it must be like for the kids involved.
    Not to mention what a burden it is for the welfare system. The more children there are in the system the less $ there is for others.
    If she goes to child services they could help her with daycare (although there may be a waiting list) and if she went to a shelter some of them have programs to help set her up with housing. I suggested sterilization because if she is having a child with Medicaid they will pay for it. She is 21 and could have a bright future, but the chance of that dims with each extra mouth to feed.

    in reply to: Am I in the wrong ? #787746
    carolann
    Member

    I am with bgm on this one
    PLEASE GET YOUR TUBES TIED!!!!!!
    There us no reason in the world to have another. This is so sad…
    My daughter us 21 and she has NO interest in getting pregnant. Reading stuff like this makes me so thankful. I am gonna call her right now and tell her how much I love her.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #785717
    carolann
    Member

    I only scanned all the comments aimed toward me… sorry, but I am just not concerned with what any of you have to say about me. You say it more for other commenters to read. Be as snarky as you wish. What little I do read I find so off base it is comical.
    BTW…I was not taken from my parents exactly…I went to my principal and essentially requested child services.
    I wasn’t clear about that because I didn’t think the details were important. I was lucky, foster care wasn’t a picnic…but I came out of it ok. Many do not.
    My Mother was a drug addict also (the issues I mentioned were my father, step mother and my half brothers my step mother being the worst of them and behind most of it) she (my birth mother)got clean and straightened her life up. Many of the people I grew up around got sober and stayed sober. (Many of the ones who didn’t ended up dead.) To suggest I think drug addicts are great parents is ridiculous. I think many of you missed the point I was trying to make altogether. That doesn’t matter because my comments were for the LW and not for the rest of you. My mistake was to directly respond to any of you. I won’t do that anymore.
    As far as the Mom. I don’t know if she really knew who the dad was for sure or if she claimed she was certain it was the man that passed because she didn’t want her family to know there was another possible father.
    I don’t believe LWs anger is so much because the mother was sleeping with both her sons. I think her anger was because the child was hidden from her and she believes her son who passed should have known he possibly had a child.
    Any responses anyone wants to direct towards me are a waste of your time. I don’t really read them. This isn’t about me.
    I live a nice drug-free life with a nice relatively normal family. I am happy despite my crazy childhood.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #784995
    carolann
    Member

    Tiffani-
    Ignore all the hatred. Nothing is harming the Granddaughter no matter how much they try to say it is. Everything will work out. Let us know what happens.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #784801
    carolann
    Member

    Tiffani-
    I wish you the best and I don’t blame you for how you feel about the situation. The Grandchild is young yet and you will have plenty of time to ease into your relationship with her. You aren’t doing anything to hurt the Granddaughter and she is apparently being taken good care of so ignore all the negative responses. (I do :))Give yourself the time to get help with your grief and process everything you have gone through.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #784683
    carolann
    Member

    And to everyone who said I was making assumptions about the Mom…I wasn’t, I was pointing out that we did not know enough about her to know her or her intentions either way.
    My family was extreme. Yes, my parents were addicts, but my Dad was going to one of the best colleges in the country pursuing an Engineering degree when he got hooked on drugs. He was the “Gifted” Golden Boy from an upper middle class family. It can happen to anyone and it isn’t the necessarily the letter writers fault that her sons turned out like they did. To call her a low life was harsh.
    IMO
    As far as the son having issues with drugs I DO understand the Mom wanting to protect the child, but to put her on a pedestal was a bit much when these were the type of people she was laying with.(and apparently the Mom is still hanging around with the son) What makes her so much better and more capable of change than anyone else? It is nice to hear she appears to be a good Mom, but we know very little about her or her past.
    I do believe children should be protected from drug addicted parents, but I also believe some of them will change their lives around. It does happen. The Uncle/Dad needs to be giving the opportunity to do that. If he screws it up that is on him.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #784674
    carolann
    Member

    I am so happy for you Tiffani!
    I haven’t looked back at your post in a few days…
    I know it is true that finding out isn’t going to help you with the grief you feel for your son. I think grief counseling will do you a lot of good. And maybe joining a group of other parents who lost their children. You aren’t alone, I’ll bet there are other moms who have been through very similar circumstances.
    I think not knowing was eating at you and also your son, so everyone can know for sure and move on from there.
    Either way you do have a Granddaughter and everything will pass. Hopefully the Mom will help encourage a relationship with you. I hope knowing for sure, finding some closure and developing a relationship with the Grandaughter will heal some wounds. Those who are criticizing need to understand that finding out about a Grandchild suddenly is jolting especially with all the extenuating circumstances. I think everyone was being a bit hard on you. No one knows what it is like to be in your shoes, but you.

    carolann
    Member

    For his sake he should consult his doctor and see what he can do to trim down. I am not trying to “fat shame” and I am thicker than I was when I got married BUT there is a difference in being a little thick and being morbidly obese. There are all sort of health issues he could end up with (if he doesn’t have them already) and his life span will certainly be shortened. I had a friend pass away just a few months ago and her weight had a lot to do with her health issues. She was young and left a 16 year old daughter an orphan. (Her husband died four years earlier, part of the reason she stopped taking care of herself)
    Have his levels checked (cortisol, dhea, testosterone etc) and see if he is out of balance and then start eating better together and walking or bike riding etc together. I’ll bet if he got in shape your attraction would come back. I don’t blame you. Being morbidly obese and breathing heavy is SO not sexy.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #783594
    carolann
    Member

    Again, you guys have no idea about the mother. She was sleeping with two drug addicts. You call her a “poor single (presumably) mother” you all know nothing about her. She could have (or had have) her own addictions. Birds of a feather flock together… so maybe she got clean for the sake of her daughter. (She could have many other kids, who knows) BUT you all refuse to believe (possibly) finding out he has a daughter could help the son change his life. You all run with such little info and instantly decide who you think is good or evil on the tiniest bit of information.
    🤦🏻‍♀️

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #783591
    carolann
    Member

    Oh and BTW my brother spent 7 years in prison because when he was 17 years old my father had him involved. Turns out one of the people involved was an undercover officer. My dad had my brothers selling drugs for him from a young age.(the brother who went to prison never used drugs and still doesn’t, my other brother did) This was the same brother that my parents (my dad and step mom) dropped when he was only a few months old (they were high of course) poor tiny baby had a double cast up to his hip. We had to put maxi pads on him under his diaper to keep everything off his cast. I have no idea how they didn’t take him. I ended up in foster care by 13.
    I still believe people can get sober and I still believe if the Uncle turns out to be the dad he should have rights.

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #783590
    carolann
    Member

    You guys are making assumptions about both the possible father/ uncle as well as the Mom. We know very little about the Mom either. She may have a record, she may have or have had an addiction issue…we have no idea. (And I doubt the LW knows much about her either) Remember she was the one sleeping with the guy with addiction issues who had been in jail. And @Ruby Tuesday, no it isn’t the Moms choice what the daughter deserves. If the other brother decides he wants to know if that is really his child he can legally force the issue.
    And @anonymouse both my parents were drug addicts. They were also drug traffickers who were deeply involved in organized crime. (My mother is in hiding to this day because she has had a hit out on her for years.I even had to move because one of them found me and I was in fear for myself and my kids.)
    One of my favorite memories was coming home from school all excited because I had concert tickets…only to find my dad near death from an overdose. If I hadn’t stopped by the house he would have died.(he overdosed many more times and eventually died from addiction.) So please stop acting like I don’t know about the plight of children of addicts. Gimme a f**king break…you have no idea!

    in reply to: Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed. #783447
    carolann
    Member

    The child deserves to know who her real father actually is and hopefully in the end everyone will know.

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