Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 21 total)
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  • avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    Tui thanks for mentioning this as you are the first to mention a positive (ish) outcome and of course like you say there are people that make it work

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    To be honest.. Although I appreciate the advice.. When I look at some other threads I see people being ripped apart over things.
    So I will say some things thats been said is unfair and some is true.
    I can’t answer every question or waste my time doing that but like I said my mental health is better overall than before I got pregnant but obviously there is a big change in hormones.
    I am still anxious etc. only I know if I can pull it together enough to have this baby. And to do that would take a lot of confidence.
    The thing is.. There are women that are trapped in abusive relationships with the guy with children suffering too.. I will never put a child in that position. I have already stood my ground.. Walked away from a bad situation. And i don’t think anyone is giving me credit for that. If i chose to still keep the pregnancy through all the hardship of the situation.. Although it us not ideal.. That will be my choice. And I don’t know what choice I will make. But all I know is if I do go ahead then it will be an incredibly brave, albeit unwise in some aspects, decision.

    I am sure if I take the right actions then I can meet a nice man in the future whether I have a baby or not and I am confident I can. Most people have step parents nowadays.

    I probably will try and decide by the weekend as it would be impossible to go through with it if I was unsure on the day.

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    Okay.. So the diazepam.. I was diagnosed that when I first conceived. I went to the out of hours doctor as I was having stomach pains what I thought could be inplantation pains..and suffering with anxiety . They suspected nerve pain and also prescribed amitriptilyn to help me sleep and with pain which I never took.
    I have googled a lot about diazepam and it does state in most articles that it can have an affect especially in first trimester. So i am shocked that when I went to the pharmacy that the pharmacist told me it was fine to keep on taking and did not have any concerns at all except to make sure I took folic acid etc. the doctor is right who commented that they are not as commonly prescribed in uk and i did specifically push for them as I have suffered for too long.
    so.. It is shocking to read the studies. The dose I have taken is small.. Mostly half a 10mg tablet around 3 – 4 times a week and I have only taken 12 of the tablets in total over the space of a month. From what I have read online it seems to point to a slight increase in cleft palette and similar.

    Regarding my mental health.. My depression and overall outlook on life has improved a lot since I was pregnant. Before I was pregnant I was suffering with crying spells every day which is why I needed the diazepam .. But That has has all stopped now and I havent taken any diazepam for about a week now. I did need it when I took it though.

    I did take st johns wort before I was pregnant but I stopped that so even coming off a (natural) anti depressant I feel okay. I stopped drinking coffee and haven’t dyed my hair etc and took all precautions right I thought I was as if I was going ahead with the pregnancy.

    I have had queesiness every day. morning sickness once but that was a mixture of travel sickness because I was on a train and I do get travel sick.

    I guess really it is a case of head over heart as obviously a woman is wired to want a baby etc so even though I know it is not a perfect situation by far my hormones want me to continue etc.

    I am acting out of fear constantly and making all my decisions out of fear which someone did mention and they are right.

    I guess every person has different reasons for being depressed and I fear that being childless and worrying about never having children could be a root cause of my anxiety and depression as being pregnant has given me such a boost even though I am highly considering terminating.

    I

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    I appreciate the people who give advice.. And all I have done is be honest as I am sure you have. All I’m saying is there is no need to pick on things to make the situation worse.. Like how the pregnancy happened.. Sometimes these things happen in life .. No contraception is 100% affective and I am not going to explain every little personal detail down to that detail.

    Regarding the valium.. I am concerned about that.. But .. I was prescribed that by a doctor who also prescribed me amytriptyline at the same time. This is when I suspected I was pregnant and voiced that concern. I never took the amytriptaline. As soon as I found out I was definitely pregnant I went to a pharmacist and sought advice straight away . He said that the valium was okay but the amytriptyline is not and a doctor has second that. All I can hope is that I only take it on occasion and at the lowest dose that it wouldn’t of done any damage but we can’t say for certain. But these drugs were administered by a professional. So I think there is no need to go jumping on things acting as if I am acting wreckless on all accounts when I am not. But after this I will not bother to defend myself as it is getting boring.
    But it is me that has to go through either an abortion or birth so put yourself in my shoes and my choices before you start .

    I am taking all points into consideration. It honestly comes down to how much I want it and whether I am willing to step up to what that will entail because ultimately anything can work but it would be the hard way.

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    Yea.. Honestly some people are downright nasty behind a keyboard. To the person picking on my use of language of saying he ‘got me pregnant’ .. Well yea.. He did.. It takes two people to make a baby. It wasn’t a magical conception with no guy involved.
    The dilemma is that I am pregnant now . So please refrain from being nasty and picking up on little comments just because you can do it anonymously from your computer.

    I am going through a hard time and have a big decision to make and either one is going to affect me greatly.

    I know the obvious sensible choice is to have abortion.. But obviously I am struggling to do that. I am used to being single, I hardly go out anyway, I have a need to care for others .. And whether being a single mom is hard or not goes down to the individuals personality and support system. I mean even in marriage 1 in 3 ends in divorce so even people who have made a commitment to each other in the eyes of God end up splitting nowadays. All I’m saying is it would not be the end of the world as we know it if I did end up keeping it.. Although having an abortion would be the sensible option.. It is not that easy when it is your own body. I have to deal with the fallout of going through that alone and I have no idea how bad that will affect me. So my main dilemma is should I do the sensible thing and have an abortion or can I not go through with it basically and make it work even though it would be hard. It is never as simple as people make it out to be.
    I am used to be being single and answering to no one and cAnnot imagine myself getting married in my 30s anyway. So if I want a baby.. Even though it is not the proper way to do it.. I might just have to make the most of the consequences of my actions. If it was that easy just to have an abortion.. I wouldn’t have bothered reading the thread. I mean I wonder how many people are sitting there now reading this who also had their lives hanging in the balance whilst their parents made a decision over whether to keep their baby.. This world is a very strange place and nothing is simple.. All I know is in this day and age of social media relationships don’t seem to last as it is so easy to meet new people.
    If I did go ahead with the pregnancy the dad wouldn’t be involved at all. But that would be sad eventually for the child. But my point is it has happened now and I am 8 weeks pregnant and it is not an easy decision. I just have to do what is best for me as the baby is only the size of a raspberry at the moment but it is alive already and that is my dilemma.

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    No child deserves a dad like that. But all I am trying to see is both sides so I can weigh it up. My dad is very anti abortion but he knows that the guy is bad news. He has advised me to cut him off completely and he is sure I will find a new man that would ‘take us on. ‘ he said there are plenty of men that do take on new partners who already have kids. It is a reality. But I’m sure if he wasn’t anti abortion he would probably suggest an abortion .

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    Vathena- I am ignoring her messages now. I only had one conversation with her like a month ago and have ignored her since

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    I was raised by a single mom so I’ve never had a 2 parent household myself… My dad was in and out of my life. Sometimes history repeats itself.. Everything in life has patterns.. i’m not sure I even know how to get married and do things properly.. But.. All I can do is try and teach myself / get therapy and read books and try and improve myself .. But like I said.. At 32 I feel like I am running out of time and yes I am immature for my age in some ways but I am trying my hardest. Its more a case of deciding which decision I will regret less.
    It is hard not to get attached to the pregnancy and I have found myself blocking it out a lot . But blocking things out can be bad in the long run.

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    The dose of valium I took was low but as I’d never took it before it affected me strongly. I have taken a few low doses on occasions when I can’t cope with the anxiety but the doctor knows. I do worry about the side effects of stuff like that though. And have googled it. It is quite commonly prescribed in UK in pregnancy but that doesn’t really sound safe to me.

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    My gut instinct is obviously to have an abortion. As the situation does not feel right. Now the initial excitement of being pregnant has wore off and I can’t shake how bad I feel about the whole situation I wish I had the medical abortion straight away. Now I am running out of time to have it and have to travel out of town to have it as that’s the only way they could get me an appointment. I was lucky to get an appointment at all at short notice due to a cancellation. Otherwise I would have to face a surgical abortion which I don’t think I could go through with at it is more invasive. But if I back out when I’m there .. There won’t be a second chance to have a medical abortion

    I just don’t see how I can cope with living in a mess like this and I pray to god that if I do get an abortion I get a better chance in the future . It may be a risk I have to take.

    Every day I have had more or less nothing else on my mind and I switch between being excited to being pregnant to the pure dread and horror of the situation. I was hoping that I could forget about the bad feelings but they are there no matter what. There is no easy way out for me either way.

    I appreciate that people are considering me and my life rather than the baby/ embryo. Because I start thinking things like well.. Would this person rather live and exist at all. It can get very deep and it really does depend on your spiritual and ethical views.

    I have never had an abortion before. Just one miscarriage 3 years ago.

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    I mean people can rip the p*ss out of me if they want.. But that’s under your conscience as I have done nothing but be honest and seek advice.
    It is refreshing to see that no one bats an eyelid over abortion as I was half expecting more pro-life comments . I guess it really is such the done thing nowadays

    avatarcherrypie1
    Participant

    And obviously a bird is not the same as a child I am just explaining my personality

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