Copa
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I couldn’t quite follow this, but it hurt because this is someone you care about and had feelings for(?). Maybe you never dated, but friend break-ups can have an impact, too. It’s okay to feel sad about a loss. You can grieve it and move on. Date people who are straight. If friendships start feeling unhealthy or toxic, or simply not rewarding for you in some way, it’s okay to let them go.
Hi. You wrote in before, right? Is this the same man in your neighborhood that you saw infrequently, slept with twice, and who would disappear after? If so… I mean… is the outcome really that surprising? Don’t get me wrong, I have been ghosted before (multiple times! Including by a neighbor I had a fling with and I, too, saw him around after!) and it does hurt. But it seems like you knew he would let you down and continued to allow him access to you. Why?
I’ve not been in your shoes exactly before, but there was one time that I got cheated on that was pretty bad… he was the second boyfriend in a row to cheat on me, and he immediately moved on with the other woman. They married pretty swiftly. My self-esteem tanked. I felt unworthy. I felt ugly. I was depressed for… awhile. By myself, and also eventually with the help of a therapist, I learned to tell myself a new narrative. When I’d catch myself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” I’d pause and then tell myself a different story. I’d remind myself that I was enough, that my ex’s treatment of me said far more about him than it ever would about me, that I want and deserve someone who can communicate even through uncomfortable conversations. I really think you need to work on your self esteem and highly recommend doing so with a therapist. I don’t see your dating life improving unless and until you let go of these very negative beliefs you have about yourself. And hey, maybe you won’t look like an Instagram model, but you can do things to make yourself feel good and confident. Wear clothes that you like that flatter you. Style your hair, wear some mascara. If you want an engaging life, literally start anywhere… sign up for a class, search for MeetUp groups with people who have shared interests, volunteer.
Also, you have no clue if this guy is unaffected or even happy. For starters, happy good people don’t treat others how he treated you. The cheating ex I mentioned? Yeah, I could tell for literal years that he AND his now-wife were creeping my social media in a way that wasn’t normal. Even after I’d blocked him, some weird stuff continued online. Like five years after we broke up, Instagram came out with stories and his wife watched every last story I posted for months. (LOL.) What all of this means about their relationship or them as individuals, IDK, I have no way of knowing their inner world… but it did feel like proof that they were both also affected for a long time. Stop worrying about whether this guy is happy or not. Odds are he’s kinda fucked up like the rest of us.
I’m curious what your dream job is, exactly, because most careers do not hinge on the experience you get when you are 15. I’m not saying it’s bad to get experience by any means — it’s a great way to find out if you are actually like doing what you think you are interested in and looks good on applications for higher ed/future jobs — but it won’t make the difference between your having your dream career and being “a nothing.” I do think it’s great that you are future-oriented and thinking about a life beyond the confines of your home schooling environment.
Were I you, I’d be more focused on the education you’ll need post-grad to get where you want to go and trying to earn/save money for when you are able to make your own decisions. If you want to be a veterinarian, that path will include a four-year degree where you will take science-heavy courses, followed by vet school (notoriously difficult, btw). If you want to be a vet tech, that’s an AA degree. Maybe you have a totally different career in mind, but you’ll still want to figure out the education people need to get where you want to go. How are your grades and standardized test scores? Are you interested in the sciences and do you excel at them? Have you started looking up whether your homeschooling curriculum meets the criteria for universities and community colleges in your state? Now would be the time to figure out how to close those gaps.
BTW, some animal shelters have remote volunteer positions. It wouldn’t be working directly with animals, but could be stuff like processing adoption applications, digital communications, etc.
Good luck.
I don’t think your parents are out of line and I agree with what others have said and suggested. I’m also curious, given the distance, which one of you is paying for the option of changing your location on Bumble to an area you don’t live in and why.
I only had one unhinged boss. He was always angry and carried a baseball bat. I wrote about an incident with him on here years ago, actually. My situation was different — I’d been accused of bullying a junior employee because I told her to let me know if she needed help or more time to complete work after she missed a deadline — and my boss got HR involved. I assume they were documenting me/my behavior as a CYA move should they have decided to terminate me. My solution was to keep my head down, though, while I looked for another job. Like you, I needed the paycheck. Things were quiet after that meeting with HR but I was documenting certain things of my own by forwarding them to my personal email. After about six months, I left for my current company. I think you should keep your head down while you look for something new. You can tell HR on the way out if you want to. I suspect HR knew my unit was in bad shape already when I had to meet with them… they did not care, but I heard that about six months after I left, enough people complained about how uncomfortable my old boss made everyone because he wouldn’t stop talking about how young his new girlfriend after his second divorce was that he was reprimanded. He also announced to his direct reports that he’d started therapy. So.
To deal with the chaos while I searched for a new job, I set some pretty firm boundaries to keep my work and personal life separate. It was the kind of job where emails were sent pretty much around the clock and everything was made to feel urgent when it really wasn’t. I’d be courteous, friendly, and a hard worker on the job, but I started toggling off my work emails on my phone during off hours and vacation. I gave myself a hard stop in the evenings. I had a routine outside of work that I enjoyed, including regular exercise. When I started applying for new jobs, getting interviews — even if they didn’t lead to an offer — made me feel like my situation was only temporary, which helped my mindset.
At my current company, we have a foundation with a handful of employees. Everyone is employed by us but they run independently from us. Their last executive director was problematic and seldom showed up to work. When the foundation’s most junior employee left to go to grad school several years ago, she let HR know on her way out what was going on. This was the beginning of the investigation that led to the executive director getting fired. So, some companies will actually look into what departing employees have to say when they’re outing a supervisor for bad behavior.
There are men in that age group who would absolutely be into having a blended family with you/being an enthusiastic and present stepdad! I hope you aren’t staying in this relationship because you believe on some level that your “baggage” is too much and this is the best that you can hope for. Your daughter deserves to be more than tolerated by your choice in partners.
If you’d like uplifting anecdotal evidence, one of my cousins married for the first time a couple years ago, they had both just turned 40. His wife was previously married and had a kid from her first marriage. Similar to what your situation sounds like, the wife’s ex-husband lives a short walk away (he moved to their neighborhood to make their son’s life/coparenting easier). There has never been any jealousy or weird feelings toward the ex-husband. My cousin is a great stepdad and was even before he officially got that title. He proposed to his now-wife twice… once privately, once including his stepson where both got down on one knee to propose making their little family official. They’ve had two more kids together and the stepson is a very proud big brother. They do cute stuff on weekends as a family, travel as a family, eat family dinners. He’s involved. He loves all his kids, bio or not.
At the moment, leaning toward no. The pay would be a big jump for me, the work seems interesting, but the environment seems like one I’d not thrive in — she told me that the volume of work is “crazy” and that she’s available to her direct reports 24/7. The skills test was done under timed conditions and the work was not what I’d call difficult but the time crunch to get through it was real. I didn’t quite finish. If that’s the actual pace of the job, I’d not be successful. I got the sense that she hadn’t prepared anything for our interview (likely because she is busy).
My sister is taking a mental health break from work beginning in a couple weeks and she has made me extra wary of trying to vet what kind of environment I’d be in. I’d rather keep my sanity and make less money.
She did. I’m just used to feeling more vetted, I guess, and I like meeting and asking questions to multiple members of a team as the interviewee. Not that I have an offer or anything at this point. This job is open in like seven major markets and I’m told they will be meeting with several more candidates in the coming weeks. So now I wait. In any case, the skills test I took may be the factor the hiring manager cares about most.
Well. I just had a final interview in which I only met one person (the hiring manager, nobody else from the team) and was asked exactly two questions. The rest of the time was filled by my many questions. I also took a skills test that I am grateful was timed because it’s something I could have spent hours on. I feel so uncomfortable that either party is expected to make a decision based on that interview.
Thank you for the feedback! I did wonder if my target salary range would seem high if they don’t care about as much about my higher degree as the initial job posting made it sound like they did. I brought it up. I asked for what I want, they said my target range is in alignment with their range. It was a positive experience so guess now we’ll wait and see if I move forward in the process.
I actually interviewed at this company seven years ago, but they moved slow as molasses then. My current company offered me a job swiftly and I accepted, so I withdrew my candidacy at this place. If I move forward in the interview process, I’ll be interviewed next by the same hiring manager as seven years ago.
This didn’t feel like it warranted it’s own thread, but curious if those with more professional experience have any impressions.
I applied for a job for online. On paper, it seems like it’d be a perfect fit for all. HR reached out to set up a phone interview. Great! After setting up a date/time (Monday), I received another email from my HR contact essentially saying, “In preparation for your phone interview, please review the job description below.” It’s a similar job description for the one I applied for, but it’s not identical. They added a few items to the list of responsibilities and removed language indicating that they prefer someone with the higher degree that I have. (If it’s relevant, I’ve looked up other employees who have this same title at this company on LinkedIn, they all have the same higher degree I have.) The job description online (website and LinkedIn) has not changed. I’m not sure if this is a red flag?
I saw on local news recently that a young-ish woman in my area has spent over a year talking to someone she met online that she thinks is a Chicago Fire actor. They’ve never met in person. She has gone through lengths, including draining her retirement savings and taking out loans, to send him tens of thousands of dollars at his request. 😠Unfortunately there are scammers out there happy to prey on those eager to find love. Retirement age folks seem like common targets.
