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Yeah, I’d love to see it, too! I’d love a new couch, but I’m just waiting it out with the one I have until I’m living somewhere more permanent. I could live my new couch dreams through you!
Oh man. All of my boyfriends have been tidier than I am. I’m not dirty or unclean or in any way gross, but I can be messy. (In my mind, these are very different!) My place always looks lived in, is how I describe it to people. One of my friends who just got married, her place and car can get a bit gross. One time I actually refuse to sit in her passenger seat because there was so much fast food trash and soda cans on the floor. I’ve always wondered where her now-husband falls on the cleanliness spectrum cause I don’t know that I could handle living with someone like that.
@hfantods Just go to what you are able to attend with your schedule and budget. Two weeks notice isn’t a ton to give for a bachelorette party, it shouldn’t shock anyone if you can’t attend the whole thing. I’m sure your friend will be happy to celebrate with you at even one event.
@scorpio 😳 That’s also creepy, I’m sorry you’re dealing with him. An acquaintance of mine had a guy she broke things off with after a couple months of dating show up at her office and such for quite awhile. Texted her constantly. I think showed up at her place sometimes. She’s since met someone great but she was understandably freaked out and didn’t date for quite awhile after that.
@ktfran He greeted me by name (both years). 🤷🏻♀️ He was a bit awkward, but a kind, intelligent, and funny guy. The awkward runs deep, I guess.
Oh, yikes! That’s weird, @scorpio. Any guy who tells you your reasons for ending things aren’t valid is a bullet dodged, and the Facebook message IS creepy. You should’ve changed your profile picture to one of you and your boyfriend as a response. (Kidding.) If he ever reaches out again on any other platform, block immediately.
The guy reaching out to me… I don’t know what his deal is. I love the suggested responses to him, haha. I don’t think he’s interested (I responded to him last year, and didn’t hear a thing back), but I don’t know what his deal is. I’d pretty much forgotten about him and don’t even have his phone number saved anymore. He was a nice guy, but I’m not sorry things didn’t work out.
She’s probably not interested. People don’t forget to respond to people they’re genuinely excited to hear from. If you really feel compelled to do so, one more message probably won’t hurt, but if it were me, I’d leave it.August 12, 2019 at 10:29 am in reply to: Viewing friends as family -higher chance for dissapointment? #850190
I disagree with your conclusions, LW. Coming from an unstable family doesn’t necessarily mean you place more value on friendships. Coming from a stable family doesn’t mean you don’t feel hurt when friendships change.
My nuclear family is fine. Nice on paper but not without a fair amount of dysfunction. They’re good people and I knew I was loved, but had a hard time *feeling* it. I know I could’ve been dealt a far worse hand, though, and I do love them. My extended family on my dad’s side is great. I barely know my mom’s side.
I do have some friends I view as family, and these are the friends I’ve known for many, many years. We’ve had our ups and downs as friends, but they’re people I am confident will always support me and be in my life.
I was probably more reliant on friends when I was younger. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that friendships change, and I’ve learned to accept this. It’s still sad when friendships change, but that’s part of life. I am very self-reliant.
Everyone is human, which means that your family members can change and disappoint you, too.
Kinda funny story. So two years ago, I dated one of the guys I met online for about 6 months. I believe I called him AT on here. About this time last year, he sent me a text about his 10K time at a race even though we hadn’t been in contact in about six months. I wrote back just to say great job, and never heard back from him. This morning he sent me a text to let me know this year’s 10K time for the same race. Not planning to respond this time, but thought I’d share cause it’s kinda funny and also fairly odd.
Oh, wow! I’m surprised it’s not JuanMilo.
Anyway, don’t confront your friend. That’s unnecessary and probably won’t end well. If you need to, you can have a conversation about how you feel. But if it were me, I wouldn’t. You’ve grown apart and no longer live near one another — and that’s ok. This happens with a lot of our friendships. Why do you think she feels nothing has changed? Chances are, she feels it, too.
I no longer live near my hometown, and most of my friends are scattered around the country. We’ll see each other a few times/year at this point, if we’re lucky. I’m no longer close to many of them in that day-to-day way because distance makes that difficult, but they’re still my oldest friends and I usually feel like we don’t miss a beat when we get together. We reminisce, but we also ask what’s going on in one another’s lives presently — about work, relationships, hobbies, etc. Have you tried to make the conversation more about the present and less about the past?
If you really don’t feel like you can be yourself around her anymore and your time together feels like an obligation, it’s okay to stop spending time together or scale back.
Is this JuanMilo again?
Also, a lot of people say vague things like, “We should hang out sometime!” to be polite and without any intention of actually following through. It’s not bad to follow up to make concrete plans, but if he’s still declining to make any effort, you have your answer.
Nobody has said he IS depressed. We can’t know that. One person speculated it’s a possibility that cannot be ruled out based on the behavior you have described here. The rest of us are saying you simply never know based on outward appearances.
You’re trying awfully hard to stay friends with someone who, according to you, is socially inept. Emotionally inept. Highly selfish. Widely known to be strange. Rude to you. Argumentative. Doesn’t put any effort in. Can’t admit when he’s wrong. Who cares if he says you’re his best friend? Actions speak louder than words, and his are telling you he doesn’t care. You resent him and don’t like him anymore. So stop being his friend. It really is that simple.
Almost every response in this thread has told you to put your efforts into other friendships and consider seeking professional help. I’m not sure what else you want to hear.
Honestly, LW… you don’t sound very considerate yourself. You don’t seem to take no for an answer very well when your friend says you cannot come to his place. He’s allowed to say no to plans to stay home by himself. He’s allowed to say he doesn’t want two people over at once. And the comments you’ve made about depression are very odd and a bit dismissive. Like everyone else is saying, depression is often hidden and afflicts even the people who seem to have it all by outward appearances.
He knew how bad I was and that I needed company – one of our good friends was going up to stay at his flat, so I asked if I could come too. He said no because he didn’t want two people staying at his flat, I told him I needed some company but he didn’t care, he was ‘nice’ about it, but no, I couldn’t come up despite badly needing company. Despite it being only weeks after I helped him through his breakup.
^^^I realize this situation had nothing to do with your dad, but comments like this one give the impression that you depend on this friend too much for your emotional needs. If I had a friend who acted like this — as if I owed them on-demand attention — I’d probably fade them out. Which, btw, I did wonder if your friend is doing that by never instigating or making an effort.