Copa

@hfantods I don’t think that’s worrisome, that sounds like a normal level of interest and there’s nothing wrong with thinking it’s nice to hear, “Hey, I’m enjoying getting to know you!” It’s the ones who are pushy and needy and eager to rush into a relationship.

A lot of the times I still feel like I’m 23 until I notice a stark difference in how I’d act vs is 23. My old coworker got sloppy and invited my friend out on Friday. He went and was basically live-texting me the stuff she was saying. She told him he’s perfect and wonderful and beautiful, telling him she’s running out of time to meet someone, and started discussing what the future had in store for them before doing an aboutface and bemoaning that they wouldn’t work out. That was the second time they’d met. Ha. I cringed so hard thinking about how that’s something I might’ve done in college, and I’m so glad I’m not that age anymore. I can’t even imagine how embarrassed I’d be if I did that to a date. I guess even HE told her to stop ascribing qualities to him that she doesn’t know he has.

One of my oldest friends got engaged last night and I’m happy for her but also feeling a little bummed. Our friendship changed a lot with the entrance of her now-fiancé into her life. We don’t live close anymore but soon after she met him she stopped calling to catch up and after awhile I stopped making the effort, too. I’ve flown out to see her a couple times, she’s never visited me in my city. The only reason we’ve talked recently is because I’ve checked in with her hearing about not the loss of her cat, then her grandma, then making sure she was safe from Irma. Like it’s actually kinda crzy thinking that she has literally no clue what’s been going on in my life the past couple years. I know friendships change as priorities change, but this one has definitely changed the most drastically and been felt most acutely. I *am* happy for her but I also feel a little sad feeling like this engagement is a sign that our friendship will never be that great again.

@Kate I honestly DO feel for him because that’s such a sad/shitty situation. He was always tense/hot-headed when I worked for him, even months before his wedding. I thought it was because the job was high pressure and he traveled 5-6 hours to his hometown every weekend to spend time with his kids from his first marriage. (One of whom was having behavioral issues.) Now I’m wondering if it had more to do with his relationship. The bat was a decoration on his wall when I was there, and I’m fairly shocked nobody seems to have reported this. I’m sure he’s more stressed than ever right now, but wielding a bat at work is… batty. (Har har.)

@hfantods I don’t use Bumble as often, but yeah, it pulls info from Facebook. His birth year is private on Facebook (I checked last night). I DO think he purposely shaved a few years off his age. It’s not a *huge* lie — there’s not a big difference between 30 and 33 — but I do think it’s a weird one. Like, what’s the motive? Wanting to make sure you’re not weeded out by younger women who may cap their age preferences at 30?

Awkward Texter and I are going to walk on the beach and out for dinner on Sunday.

Also, remember that supervisor at my last job who was generally an asshole and who I cried in front of? Well, learned over drinks tonight that he’s getting divorced. He and his soon-to-be-ex-wife only got married last November, and recently bought a house together, annnnd sounds like she’s been cheating on him. Apparently he now walks around the office holding/swinging a baseball bat at all times. Erm. I felt kinda bad to hear about it. This was his second marriage and you could tell he thought it was his big do-over. But also kinda feel like, “Oh, hey, Karma, there you are.”

@ChimingIn I focus on his dating younger women because that’s what he’s been up to recently. Cheating on his ex was a crappy thing to do, and yes, it was a red flag then and it’s still a bit of a red flag now. But that happened like two years ago. And yeah, I wouldn’t date someone who told me point blank they’re emotionally unavailable. But that was over a year ago. Am I supposed to assume that’s his permanent state of being? Are people who make mistakes terrible and undatable forever because they made a mistake? As for my ex’s wife… I brought it up because it’s f’ing weird. He cheated on me over three years ago so it’s safe to say I’m no longer “aiming” for him.

So, some context: about a year and a half ago, he and I matched on Bumble. (He swiped right on me. My friend was using my account at the time, and she was the one to right swipe him.) He and I got together for lunch not long after because we hand’t hung out since I moved to this city, during which time he told me pretty bluntly he was still hung up on his ex. He’d been dating her for a couple years, used Tinder to meet up with an 18-year-old who was still in high school, came clean to his then-girlfriend, and got dumped — so I was like, “Yep, not touching that baggage with a 10-foot pole.” He has since exclusively dated women who are college-aged.

So, I dunno. I did very consciously make a decision to not even try to get involved with him last year, but yeah, I guess I’ve always thought if he got his shit together, maybe we’d be a good match. I have a ton of fun with him when we hang out, he’s handsome, hilarious, super smart, educated, has a good job, etc. We were bar hopping and drunk and played Truth or Dare with our Lyft driver, who asked him if he’d ever wanted to kiss me during our friendship. And the answer was yes. Gah.

But, he’s into college women. The relationship he was in this past year that just ended? She was 20. I met her and liked her. But I do feel a little icked that he truly seems to ONLY date the youngins. (My former co-worker is a year out of college, and from what I’ve seen, she is on the older end of his dating range. I kinda wanna warn her but also feel it’s not my place.)

I’m not what I consider a jealous person even though I’ve had my moments of jealousy, so I was surprised by how I felt.

I don’t believe all guys are dating younger women. I also don’t think or feel I’m too old to meet someone. I know plenty of people who didn’t meet their partners until they were in their 30s. I don’t get down on myself for my age. I’ve met plenty of nice guys who are older and younger than me who have been happy to go on dates with me. There was just something about THIS guy.