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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

CurlyQue

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 71 total)
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  • in reply to: Am I taking advantage? #1100725
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I don’t understand why you didn’t leave last month. She told you in OCTOBER that she wanted you out, and you’re just…not? You’re trying to rationalize taking advantage of her kindness to what? delay the inevitable? all you’re doing is causing more harm to this friendship. When someone tells you to leave their home you leave.

    I also wonder if you actually asked to move back in September, and if you’ve ever had an actual plan. When you moved in with her in January you should’ve been working on a plan to get back on your feet, not spending that time reconciling with ex bf.

    in reply to: Kid’s Birthday Party Etiquette #1100578
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I think people also need to remember, those who grew up “back in your day” with being left alone for hours, little to no supervision, etc. those are the people who grew up and decided that’s not how they wanted to parent their own kids.

    I also don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to let this woman stay and visit with you and the two other parents who are staying. Ask her for assistance if you need it, but i mean how long can a birthday party for 6/7 year olds be? She’s not going to over stay her welcome this time because it’ll be very obvious when the party is over…and you’ll say “Thank you for coming, Bye!”

    I don’t know how you even let her stay for dinner the last time. Maybe she thought you were both having a pleasant time and couldn’t figure out how to get herself out of the situation either. You might just both be socially awkward.

    in reply to: Boyfriend thinks I’m associated with the devil #1099945
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    Sometimes in a relationship, it can be easy to see the problem in front of you and focus on that rather than the bigger picture. The problem isn’t that you like crystals, tarot reading, the moon, etc. The problem is that he doesn’t like or respect YOU as a person.

    It’s obvious he’s trying to convert you, and part of that apparently involves shaming you to change. I’m going to echo what others have said WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP THAT’S ONLY EXISTED FOR A FEW MONTHS??!! Don’t you love who you are? Don’t you respect yourself? Maybe look into your school’s therapy options to understand why you are willing to give on things you enjoy because of a relative stranger’s opinions.

    Your life sounded amazing. You made all these changes and it will never be good enough for him. You could convert but he’s made it clear he uses shame and judgement to get what he wants…that’s not a healthy relationship no matter what you do.

    in reply to: Feel let down by best friend #1099827
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I don’t agree that you should talk to your friend. These are YOUR issues to work through, and to be honest i’m kind of surprised you haven’t tried therapy for what you describe as a “level of emotional trauma…(that) will probably never fully leave” you. That is how you properly deal with this, not forever banning your friend from making a mom friend.

    If she brings up the ex or his family, you may definitely set a boundary that you don’t want to hear about them but i don’t think you can do much more than that.

    in reply to: Struggling and unclear #1099216
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I agree, if you’re still covered by your parent’s insurance looking into therapy would be really helpful.

    Another option regarding socialization would be book clubs (there’s even zoom ones), meet ups, etc.

    I think it’s also important to remember that while your parents might not support the chronic unemployment they are supporting YOU. I’m assuming you’re not paying rent, and they’re giving you space in their home to figure things out. That’s incredibly helpful. Obviously that doesn’t excuse whatever toxicity is occurring there, and maybe you’d find it more beneficial mental health wise to stay in the toxic jobs if it means you can move out of your parent’s home. You might need to pick the lesser of two evils.

    in reply to: Can You Help Me Understand? #1098573
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    Everyone has great points!

    I want to delve into what @anonymousse stated, which is if YOU THINK you’re in a long distance relationship why did you go dark for THREE MONTHS?! That’s not how that works and definitely comes across as game playing. I would’ve assumed we broke up and you ghosted and i wouldn’t have reached out either. If there was any building energy it’s definitely been killed with three months of silence.

    I think it’s obvious that an online “relationship” doesn’t work for you, and maybe you’re not mature enough for a “real” relationship right now either. Therapy will help you figure out why you considered this a “relationship” and how to work on yourself.

    in reply to: Do not know how to deal with widower feeling guilty dating me #1098078
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I agree with everyone above that this is not a relationship, it definitely isn’t a relationship that someone needs space from. It can be easy to create a faux intimacy like you both have, but you need to remember that it is not real.

    I mostly wanted to add that if they did not divorce, she is not his ex-wife. She was his wife. I guess you could say his previous wife, but it bothered me you kept referring to her as his ex-wife.

    in reply to: Hello all from Robert #1090347
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    Everyone’s given great insight, i just wanted to add my two cents. I put off dating during the pandemic and have recently gotten back on the apps now that i am fully vaccinated. I think you are putting WAY too much emotional investment into these first dates. I think this because you are honestly upset when they ghost and don’t want a second date. Online dating for better or worse gives you hundreds of people at your fingertips it’s why when someone shows a yellow or a red flag it’s easier to nope out.

    To be very honest, if i had a date talking about paying a ransom to get his car fixed i would see that as a yellow flag. A yellow flag with no chemistry or big positives is an easy nope. There’s just too many people out there for me to waste time on something i don’t see potential in especially when i’m seeing flags.

    I wish you lots of luck. I suggest looking at a first date as a chance to get out and have a drink/meal with someone and to feel them out. Lower your expectations of a second date and just see how the first one goes.

    in reply to: Annoyed with friend #1081065
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I agree with the others and end this friendship. It’s beyond bonkers as a “prank.”

    In the future, if such a thing were to occur, i would suggest calling the police and telling them there is an unsupervised child at home…wonder if your friend would still be laughing if they had shown up at her door.

    in reply to: Covid Support Thread #1032884
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    @fyodor she is not. She goes to Sutter? but doesn’t want to go to their main facility because she says it’s too far for her to drive. She wouldn’t know how to use the maps app so i also have to find a place she already knows how to get to.

    I’m on the family text thread which is just my aunts, uncles and grandfather because i want to be kept in the loop with my mother gone, and they’re all posting happy vaccine photos and i’m just annoyed. She has 7 living children and a million grandchildren and it bothers me that only myself and one aunt seems to be trying to help. Anyways rant over.

    in reply to: Covid Support Thread #1032431
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    I’m in WA and 34 yrs old and got an alert from my doctor office app a couple weeks ago to schedule the vaccine and it was sooo easy. Compare that to me still trying to find a covid vaccine location near my grandmother in north California. She doesn’t drive much and only wants to go to one specific CVS so i refresh the page every morning but so far no luck.

    I truly believe there are tons of elderly people falling through the cracks because they don’t use/understand modern technology. I mean i got the alert on my smart phone via my doctor’s app, my grandmother barely has the internet and doesn’t know how to use it. I just keep trying and have my fingers crossed.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #1032172
    CurlyQue
    Participant

    Congratulations! I’ve really enjoyed being able to read your story as it’s progressed in this thread and wish you and your lil family all the best.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 71 total)
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