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Char, i found out that i had a different bio dad a couple years back (it was a SHOCK) and subsequently found him on ancestry. We ended up having one phone conversation and that was the end of it. He isn’t interested in learning about me, and his children aren’t interested in a relationship either.
It’s disappointing, but i’m 33, we live in different states and i have a full life with out them, it’s their loss.
I wish you the best, but i agree that you should keep your expectations low. You may not have a new culture, language, family to contend with.
So happy for you BGM!
I have hope because i can’t not have hope. November will either be the cherry on top of this shitty year or hopefully a change for the better.
Oh, and my brother is feeling much better, and my sil tested negative for covid so she’s sick with something else currently.
Aww thank you ktfran and Copa. He seems to be doing fine. He did mention that he’s allowed to go back out once he hasn’t had symptoms for 3 days, in which case he might go to work (instead of working from home which he’s currently doing). I told him the clock would be 3 days with no symptoms for his wife, since she’s now sick and they obviously live together. He didn’t like that response.
It’s exciting to hear about all of your bike plans! The weather has been gorgeous and it’s such a great idea.
Thank you everyone for your well wishes! Their oxygen numbers are good, and when i called yesterday i only got one word answers ’cause he was working. Such a workaholic to be working while positive for covid. Ugh.
His work is a processing warehouse/plant for frozen fruit. He works in the office and he claims there were safety guidelines in place but i don’t know how that’s possible when so many of them got sick.
All the pictures from Memorial weekend of the crowds is just depressing.
My brother tested positive last Monday, and my SIL came down with a fever this weekend. He’s the first person i know whose been infected and it was a shock because here in the Pacific NW it felt like everything was winding down. It’s come out that his work has 65 confirmed cases (and 87 negative), enough to stop our county from moving into phase 2 (which we were previously on track to do).
Not sure what to do, but i’m checking in daily and they know they can reach out and we’ll grab groceries, pick up normal prescriptions, etc. My SIL is already immune compromised so i think she’ll have a hard road.
LW i don’t think you sound unreasonable or psycho, i think the blame for this situation falls squarely on your bf and his ex-wife. You can not control their behavior, you can not force your bf to treat you better all you can do is articulate your needs and when they’re not met leave. This man is not in a healthy place to have the future that you want. You know this.
You need to kick this man out of your home and let him return to his wife and marriage. I’m sorry, i’m sorry that you’ve invested so much time and emotional investment but this man is not your forever man. If he was divorced there would be a custody agreement that would spell out visitation and holidays, he hasn’t done any of that. The wife is obviously wanting him back. Leave him to figure it out. If he comes back divorced and with better boundaries, great! but more than likely he’ll go back to her and their family.
He and her are acting like this because YOU are the third wheel in this scenario. Take this as a lesson to not get with someone until they’ve in a healthy place and consider why you’re pushing so hard to make this work. He’s stated many times verbally and non that he will not enforce the boundaries that you want and she has shown that she will act the way she wants. You can’t change their behavior you can only remove yourself from the situation.
LW, i actually think how he responds and communicates with you is worst than the no sex. He’s dismissive and tries to make it your fault rather than trying to correct the situation. That’s a problem. Have you both tried couples counseling before? There’s some that focus more on sex but you’re problem isn’t just sex it’s that there’s no relationship/intimacy/connection at all.
If your relationship was strong besides the no sex (like Anon above me) then sure go to a sex counselor, have his hormones tested, etc. but your problems are larger than that. Try couples counseling and if he refuses then talk to a divorce attorney. You can’t make him try. He knows this is a problem for you and the relationship and he doesn’t care…that enough is a reason to just go straight to divorce.
I remember this question as well. I do think it’s weird but i also don’t understand why you don’t just hang out in your room? He obviously can’t because your mother is in there sleeping, if it’s late enough that she’s sleeping why don’t you just finish the night in your bedroom? I also like Helen’s suggestion of buying your own TV for your bedroom.
@Anon you’ve already shown him that his smoking isn’t a big deal to you (by the leaving and coming back and having his children). I’m unsure why you felt he needed to be with the daughter if she was patched up and feeling better, but i also get your frustration that he’s not carrying his parental load and instead smoking. That’s not fair.
I think it would be a better conversation to talk about when he smokes (when the children are in bed, etc.) and how when he chooses to smoke during the day and then not help with the children that’s a problem; rather than focusing on if he smokes at all. Couples counseling might help with that conversation.
LW, it’d be helpful to know know what occurred in the conversation that highlighted the fact that you don’t love her but it sounds like your relationship is fine.
I will point out that you already have a family with him (you three) and that adding your own children together will just make the family bigger not create it. Hope that makes sense, but i want you to realize that your step daughter who you’ve known since she was 3! (unsure why you don’t love her) is your family as long as you’re with your partner.
WWS X100, but i also wanted to add that if your birthday is important to you then you need to let those around you know. I like celebrating my birthday and planning a fun day for myself.
I decide where i want to go and what i want to do and i talk to those around me and invite them to join me. i.e. Pedicures with a girlfriend, an escape room and lunch with family, dinner with an s/o, etc. The first year after my mother died i knew i would find it depressing to make my own birthday cake (she was always in charge of birthday cakes) so i made it known to my family and they stepped up. Just make your expectations clear to those around you.
But also…HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! This year it’s difficult to celebrate with others regardless but that doesn’t mean you can’t keep the above in mind for next year.