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I have an IUD. It hurt, but the real pain was only for like 15 seconds. Then later on, I had cramps. Doctors try to schedule it during a time of the month that makes it easier to insert, and some tell you to take something first (mine didn’t). Other than that, I think it’s just sort of being like, “Hey, it’s not going to last that long, so I can deal with it for a couple moments.”
I have Paragard because my main reason for getting an IUD was that I have migraines that mean hormones are a stroke risk for me. They said the hormonal IUD was localized, but I figured, why chance it? Plus, hormonal BC messes with my moods. Also, the copper one has a couple of studies that indicate that women have fewer irregular pap smears on it, and that had been a problem for me in the past. Anyway, my period is heavier (though it has improved over the years), and the cramps are worse. But I was doing an elimination diet for potential food sensitivities last month and my cramps were basically nonexistent for the first time in 6 years. I later read some people find that low sugar diets help with cramps, so I think it was the fact I wasn’t eating sugar or carbs like white bread or white pasta. The benefits of Paragard outweigh the side effects for me, but if your main purpose is contraception and that’s it, then it may not be worth it to get a copper one instead of a hormonal one.
I think your job is as sort of a coach? You can’t make someone try and you can’t make them want to go to college. (Where he’s at right now, college would be a waste of money and discourage him more — he needs to get to a place where he WANTS to go to college and has proven he can motivate himself).
What I would suggest is that instead of trying to make him do things your way, back off and just try to be a kind person to him. Talk with him. Listen to him. I imagine he has a lot of people in his life telling him what to do and how to be. Maybe he just needs someone to NOT do that and to just accept him as an autonomous person who can decide what he wants to do.
Actually, the ability to accept criticism IS a sign of good mental health.
I’m curious about how many different therapists you saw over the years. In determining whether therapy “works,” I think the variety of people/techniques you’ve tried matters more than how many years you do it. I think that trying out someone else might help. And I don’t know how you’ve handled it before, but I think meeting a therapist and figuring out their style BEFORE deciding to continue seeing them might help too. Maybe see if there’s someone who is offering something new?
At the very least, you can at least try to see if continuing to see someone does create more benefits. Your previous therapist is only human. Maybe she’s wrong? Or maybe she just sort of reached the end of her skills? I think that it’s unlikely that an individual can’t do therapy simply because of their personality.
I know it’s hard when you have liked someone for a while. The important part is that you took a risk and asked. But asking has shown you that he’s not who you thought he was.
I would probably tell him that I was no longer interested. Regardless of how he feels about it himself, it seems pretty likely that he’s going to be rude at the prom itself and that’s no way to spend your prom night.
My parents haven’t visited me in the 12 years since I lived at home. And they don’t really seem to keep much track of what’s going on in my life to ask many questions or make many comments aside from “How is work?” “How is your car?” I don’t know if your parents normally are a little self-absorbed, but sometimes people’s individual personalities sort of override what we think a person should/would do as a parent. Like I think that a parent should want to visit me, but the individuals who are my parents find where they live interesting and a select few vacation spots (Vegas, the beach, etc.), but nowhere else. So, their interest in my life does not really have a big place in my happiness. When I’m looking for validation, I look for it in myself (being excited about my life) or from friends (who are excited for me). You may find that you need to do that with your parents. (Some people also stop finding milestones interesting after they’ve passed them (so someone who has had their own place for decades doesn’t always remember that it’s exciting when it first happens), which I don’t think is maybe the best family/friend quality, but it is what it is.
So, you want advice, but we’re not allowed to give advice you don’t want to hear? It seems like that’s a theme here. You hear something, don’t like it, so you ignore it.
She said she’s not interested. Sure, even if she thinks you’re cool and stuff, why would you want to be with someone who isn’t interested in being with you? Isn’t the point of a relationship and where the happiness comes from in it that you’re with someone who wants you as much as you want them? It sounds like she’s saying nice things to let you down easy.
But regardless, if someone says they aren’t interested, move on. The movies might make it sound romantic to keep trying and trying, but a human being should be able to say, “no thank you” and have the other human being stop trying to date them.
I think that maybe people who never read the book might like it more? I never read the book, so I don’t have any impression of how it should have been different. I went into it knowing it was a kids’ movie, so I never really judged it in the same way I would an adult movie. I think the reviewers were. Though I’ve never really heard the same kind of critiques for other kids’ movies that have become popular. Like where was everyone crapping on Frozen? Because I would see A Wrinkle In Time 100 times before I’d see Frozen again.
If it makes you feel better, NYC is not a once-in-a-lifetime trip. Most people have a lot more opportunities to travel to other cities as adults than they do as kids. I don’t know anybody who was given an opportunity to go on a trip like that based on their grades. I know it’s disappointing to not get to go, but if you continue doing well, get a good job, then it shouldn’t be an issue for you to go to NYC several times as an adult.
It’s hard to tell what’s going on here. She could be not interested in the painting idea, but would be interested in dinner. She might not be interested in either. She might be interested in dinner but find it awkward to pick a date and then contact you and say, “This is when you can take me to dinner.” If you actually asked her to let you know when she wants to do it or picked a general time, then I guess I’d let it go. It’s her choice if she wants to spend money on someone and then not take them up on a dinner offer. If you were really vague before, then you could ask more specifically, “Let me know if you want to go next week.”
But I’d stop pushing the painting thing. Dinner is something people universally like, but since you were the only one who ever brought up painting and it’s a very specific thing that people like or don’t like, then I’d guess she’s not into the idea.
- This reply was modified 4 days, 14 hours ago by dinoceros.
Is there a reason why you were snooping? If he’s been acting untrustworthy in other ways, then address those. But I agree with Essie. If you trust your boyfriend so little that you snoop through his phone and assume that he’s deleting incriminating texts, then why continue seeing him? Relationships require trust, and you don’t trust him. You seem to think he’s super dishonest, so what’s the draw to stay with him?