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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Hazel

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 118 total)
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  • Hazel
    Participant

    If she really is a good friend, try to help her find her best self again. If she won’t, maybe leave things open so she can come into your life again when she leaves this most objectionable sounding person.

    Hazel
    Participant

    Agree with Kate. He will probably spin you a line about how this relationship is dead in the water etc etc, they don’t even have sex anymore, lalala so you will sleep with him, thus giving him something extra and also a bit of power over said girlfriend.There are better men out there, disregard this charmer who likes to flirt to feed his ego while his poor GF has no idea what is going on. Or maybe she does, maybe he likes to torture her with how very irresistible he is to keep her in line. Whatever it is, he doesn’t sound like a person you want to trust with your emotions.

    in reply to: Should I abandon my morals for my partner? #1103579
    Hazel
    Participant

    His attitude seems very unbending, unreasonable and asking you to do something you morally object to is quite bullying. Is his anxiety that you won’t cook meat for him? Can’t he cook it himself if he wants it? Or is it that it will be awkward at family gatherings? Without knowing what his family habits are it’s hard to know how real his fears there might be, but it seems pretty odd given that most vegetarians/vegans where I live go to the Chinese supermarkets to stock up on all the tasty veggie specialities.I can’t imagine being with someone who wanted to force me to eat animals, I’d end up with an eating disorder for sure. This isn’t a good sign and I’d just refuse if I were you and see if he will listen to reason- if not, I’d break up with him.

    in reply to: Partner not into photos together #1103097
    Hazel
    Participant

    I don’t even like pics of me but this would bother me too.I understand wanting the view pics on travels over pics of people in the view, but it’s hardly unreasonable to want some nice pictures of both of you and your kids, in the moment. I’d just take every opportunity to hand your phone/camera to anyone suitable around and ask them to take a pic of you all together.So nobody has to set anything up. (Though it sounds like he is fine to do that when it is just him and kids.)If he reacts negatively to that, then ask him what on earth is going on.

    in reply to: Need advice partner of 9 years has been deceitful #1101840
    Hazel
    Participant

    I’m so sorry you have wasted years of your life on this guy, but don’t waste another day. He won’t change, or grow out of this, this is who he is. Your life will get so so much better when you have moved on, hard as doing that may feel at first.I’m sure he has good sides or you wouldn’t have stayed, but this behaviour is controlling and dreadful and will only get worse the longer you stay.Good luck for your much brighter future without him.

    Hazel
    Participant

    Sounds like you have a lot going on and I agree with Kate’s advice there completely. Just came here to say I have often mistakenly called my partner by my ex’s name ( I loathe that ex ) and my partner almost invariably calls me by his sister’s name when she’s around.We both call each other by the names of our pets from time to time. None of this means anything, he isn’t hankering after his ex, you do have problems but I don’t think you need to worry about that one.

    in reply to: Met her by correspondence #1101401
    Hazel
    Participant

    So what is your question?

    in reply to: Best friend or foe #1101400
    Hazel
    Participant

    Ok. maybe i am not getting this straight, but my reading is (and I am having a shit day so may not have got this correct) your friend has set you up as a fwb with the person who is due to marry their sibling. This is really toxic. Unless I am somehow really misreading this you should disengage from all involved.What good could possibly come of this?

    in reply to: Airport #1101257
    Hazel
    Participant

    Gosh no. Some people love driving, on any roads anywhere; some choose to drive short distances on smaller roads because bigger roads and longer distances give them horrible anxiety.All driving is not the same.Nobody should be pressured into driving they are not comfortable with, it’s one of the riskiest activities we commonly do, and nobody should ever be pushed beyond what they feel happy about. Friend is bullying you here to undertake a risky activity purely for their benefit.

    Hazel
    Participant

    I tried turning this one round so that it was an older female colleague rather than a bloke. And that might be okay, (and that’s the circumstance I would have said “call on me for anything” ) I think you have overextended beyond what you actually meant. Try to disentangle yourself but also remember, do not tell people that they can turn to you for help if you are going to feel uncomfortable following through (and I would too, were I you, you need to nip this in the bud probably) But if you don’t mean it, don’t say it, especially to someone with suicidal ideation trouble. It’s definitely too much for you to deal with so find a way to detach without harming anyone.

    in reply to: Sister-in-Law woes #1098992
    Hazel
    Participant

    Whatever you do, do stay in touch with Tim. He sounds like his sympathies could definitely lead him into a situation where he would find it hard to get out, and Mary sounds like she could easily turn violent or even just isolate him from friends and family. Don’t let her do that.Even if it means having to plaster a smile on your face from time to time.(sometimes being super-polite to a person you loathe but must be around can be bearable, you don’t have to ever be best buddies with her, just keep it super-civil so she has no excuse to tell Tim he can’t see you.) It’s extra hard for men to get help in a domestic abuse situation. You know what he may be up against so make sure he knows you are there for him whatever happens.

    in reply to: IVF and adoption #1098885
    Hazel
    Participant

    I really hope your next round of IVF works out for you. I’m not in the US, so no idea how adoption works there, but just wanted to say that two of my close friends were adopted as children, one as a baby, one at (i think ) around 6-7 and they are so so very close to their parents.They are middle aged now and still some of the most bonded families i know.

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