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I’m so sorry you have wasted years of your life on this guy, but don’t waste another day. He won’t change, or grow out of this, this is who he is. Your life will get so so much better when you have moved on, hard as doing that may feel at first.I’m sure he has good sides or you wouldn’t have stayed, but this behaviour is controlling and dreadful and will only get worse the longer you stay.Good luck for your much brighter future without him.
Sounds like you have a lot going on and I agree with Kate’s advice there completely. Just came here to say I have often mistakenly called my partner by my ex’s name ( I loathe that ex ) and my partner almost invariably calls me by his sister’s name when she’s around.We both call each other by the names of our pets from time to time. None of this means anything, he isn’t hankering after his ex, you do have problems but I don’t think you need to worry about that one.
Ok. maybe i am not getting this straight, but my reading is (and I am having a shit day so may not have got this correct) your friend has set you up as a fwb with the person who is due to marry their sibling. This is really toxic. Unless I am somehow really misreading this you should disengage from all involved.What good could possibly come of this?
Gosh no. Some people love driving, on any roads anywhere; some choose to drive short distances on smaller roads because bigger roads and longer distances give them horrible anxiety.All driving is not the same.Nobody should be pressured into driving they are not comfortable with, it’s one of the riskiest activities we commonly do, and nobody should ever be pushed beyond what they feel happy about. Friend is bullying you here to undertake a risky activity purely for their benefit.
I tried turning this one round so that it was an older female colleague rather than a bloke. And that might be okay, (and that’s the circumstance I would have said “call on me for anything” ) I think you have overextended beyond what you actually meant. Try to disentangle yourself but also remember, do not tell people that they can turn to you for help if you are going to feel uncomfortable following through (and I would too, were I you, you need to nip this in the bud probably) But if you don’t mean it, don’t say it, especially to someone with suicidal ideation trouble. It’s definitely too much for you to deal with so find a way to detach without harming anyone.
Whatever you do, do stay in touch with Tim. He sounds like his sympathies could definitely lead him into a situation where he would find it hard to get out, and Mary sounds like she could easily turn violent or even just isolate him from friends and family. Don’t let her do that.Even if it means having to plaster a smile on your face from time to time.(sometimes being super-polite to a person you loathe but must be around can be bearable, you don’t have to ever be best buddies with her, just keep it super-civil so she has no excuse to tell Tim he can’t see you.) It’s extra hard for men to get help in a domestic abuse situation. You know what he may be up against so make sure he knows you are there for him whatever happens.
I really hope your next round of IVF works out for you. I’m not in the US, so no idea how adoption works there, but just wanted to say that two of my close friends were adopted as children, one as a baby, one at (i think ) around 6-7 and they are so so very close to their parents.They are middle aged now and still some of the most bonded families i know.
If you have an offer of a council flat, and you like the flat, I’d just go for it, and he has to have another place he stays in at least part of the time which can be his official residence, then you have good secure housing however this works out.Decent council houses are like hen’s teeth, he is relatively new, don’t miss a good place for a relationship which may or may not last. Citizen’s Advice Bureau are a good bunch to ask about this sort of issue.
It’s good that you have recognised that what you have done may have caused harm, do what you can to mitigate that harm and move on.
Aye, I’d forgive your friend. You hadn’t met him, she obviously thinks he’s the bees knees, and the inevitable happened. Not worth losing a friendship. Pity she built your hopes up for something nice, did she have a reason to be thinking he was for you rather than her? As in, does she already have a love interest? Maybe they were just having fun.In which case at least she can tell you if he is a really nice kisser.
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