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March 30, 2023 at 3:47 pm in reply to: “HELP! Long-Distance, 29 Year Age-Gap Situationship” #1119425
Hazel
ParticipantHe’s older enough to be able to dazzle you with things he has learned from dazzling probably a series of young women. 23 year old guys can be gauche, for sure, and I totally understand the attraction of someone with more experience of the world- but this man is totally inauthentic, it’s actually pretty easy to be fascinating if you have charm and nearly 30 years of experience to draw on, and predatory older men whose wives no longer give them the uncritical adoration they enjoy will seek it out from younger women, while enjoying all the perks of perkier youth. He is married, messing you about, and you will find that level of connection with someone else at some point. The first time you find someone you connect with so strongly it seems “meant” or unique, or like you have found your soulmate, but there will be many possible much better connections, just as deep and absorbing in your future. Don’t waste your time or tears.
March 17, 2023 at 1:41 pm in reply to: “It’s Been Almost Ten Years and He Still Hasn’t Proposed” #1119197Hazel
ParticipantBB2 So glad for you.On both counts. Perfect exemplar of where to go now for OP.
March 15, 2023 at 5:28 pm in reply to: “It’s Been Almost Ten Years and He Still Hasn’t Proposed” #1119178Hazel
ParticipantDo you want to marry him? If you decide you do, then propose to him. We live in an equal age. (well, we don’t but we ought to). If this does not appeal, then its time to think about things. This is more important than a ring and a snapshot memory.
March 14, 2023 at 12:06 pm in reply to: Becoming more than friends – am I being irrational? #1119157Hazel
ParticipantYou don’t know her, though, if you have not actually met. I’m assuming you have been chatting online face to face at least? That’s a start but you do need to spend some real time with someone before investing so much. Make a meeting happen, then you’ll know more about how to proceed. But don’t let this drag on. It’s probably preventing you from making other connections closer to home.
Hazel
ParticipantA basic rule for interacting with women out and about is don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if they were a man. Do you smile at and try to strike up conversations with random men you see? Basically, women going about their day are not a selection box of chocolates for you to try a nibble on.Being low level harassed by men while just existing in the world starts at about 14 for most of us and by the time we are older we are just fed up of it. But there are so many dating apps where women who are potentially interested exist. Many are free. Also just joining groups and clubs where people share interests with you is a good way to widen your social circle, – though again, don’t interact with any women there in a way you would not interact with a man.Get to know more people, they all have friends, and that’s a good place to start.
March 1, 2023 at 3:00 pm in reply to: I don’t know how to handle a situation that hasn’t happened yet. #1118890Hazel
ParticipantJust want to say what a great sister you are. So many people do not understand the absolute devastation the loss of a companion animal can be. A sentient being who you often spend far more time with than many people (who you also love deeply) leaves a gaping hole in so many parts of your day, as well as your life.If you want to, and can, spending some time with him while outdoors in nature is a good way to allow for quiet grieving. I’d try (as I think someone suggested) being out on the water, something he won’t have done with Daisy. I hope it all goes well for you both.
February 28, 2023 at 2:39 pm in reply to: “Problem with Boyfriend Being Friends with His Exes” #1118826Hazel
ParticipantHalf of the people he shares his past with will be female.He will have had relationships with some of them. He does not have to renounce all contact with people from his past because they are female and you are insecure. If you take a rational attitude and he still hides things, that’s when to worry. You need to do a lot of talking and work out where you are with this but it is entirely unreasonable to expect him to cut off all contact with any woman he may have known, or had relations with, prior to you.But if he is being shady and using these messages as a way to keep you insecure and therefore easily manipulated, then that’s a problem for sure.
February 22, 2023 at 1:39 pm in reply to: Boyfriend freaked and cursed me out over something stupid. I am worried now. #1118772Hazel
ParticipantYe gods, your poor feet must have hurt so badly in those hire skates without socks.Unless he has now seen the light and really sincerely apologised, and gets therapy for whatever his issues are, I’d just cut and run were I you.
February 16, 2023 at 12:31 pm in reply to: How do you know when it’s time to leave your job? #1118707Hazel
ParticipantHope it all goes perfectly for you, and you land that job and love it.
February 3, 2023 at 3:17 pm in reply to: “A Man Asked My Boyfriend to Take Nude Photos of Him” #1118570Hazel
ParticipantNothing wrong with a photographer taking nude photos of someone who approached him on a photography site, which would be an appropriate place for this to happen. But that’s not what this is, is it? Who goes on a dating site to look for friends? Nobody. Naked friends? Hell no. Tell him to be honest with you about what he is seeking out here.You are absolutely within your rights to refuse this. It sounds as if it is really hurtful. If he wants to open up your relationship there are most honest and less manipulative ways to initiate discussing that.It seems disrespectful and weaselly.
Hazel
ParticipantWhy on earth do you need her to leave? So he can pick a spurious fight with his live-in girlfriend, send her off sobbing to whatever friends and family she usually goes to when he pulls this shit, have his night or so with you, then graciously accept her apology for whatever the fight was supposedly about and allow her back to where she lives? Or he can just pick a time when she is going away for the weekend? If she isn’t there and you never meet her theres a reason for that. Why this antagonism towards this woman who has done zero to you,( and probably has absolutely no idea you exist), why had she “better not be there” in her own actual living place? If she is there and it turns out everything he has said is the truth, wouldn’t that be the best outcome from your point of view?
Hazel
ParticipantVote always and put in the time to be sure of who you want to vote for. Identify easy to do things alone which always make you happy (reading, walking in nature, swimming, napping listening to music, whatever, and try to make space for them.So when life gets tough you can fall back on them. Try to find work which you feel is meaningful (and that can be at the lowest level, if you feel you are being of benefit, and make enough to live to your satisfaction, even if your work does not have perceived “status,” you are doing a great job).
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