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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Hazel

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Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 117 total)
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  • in reply to: Said something I shouldn’t have #1098173
    Hazel
    Participant

    It’s good that you have recognised that what you have done may have caused harm, do what you can to mitigate that harm and move on.

    in reply to: Friend #1098167
    Hazel
    Participant

    Aye, I’d forgive your friend. You hadn’t met him, she obviously thinks he’s the bees knees, and the inevitable happened. Not worth losing a friendship. Pity she built your hopes up for something nice, did she have a reason to be thinking he was for you rather than her? As in, does she already have a love interest? Maybe they were just having fun.In which case at least she can tell you if he is a really nice kisser.

    in reply to: Is he garbage or was I not good enough? #1098134
    Hazel
    Participant

    I don’t know you but the odds are high that unless you are a serial axe-murderer you are in fact far too good for this mess of a human.

    in reply to: Covid Support Thread #1097411
    Hazel
    Participant

    Ivermectin is a good horse wormer but even if used on the animal it is designed for it carries risks, which is why I do worm counts to avoid using it unless really necessary.

    in reply to: Trying to figure out who my partner is #1097344
    Hazel
    Participant

    There is also the distinct possibility is that crossing your boundaries is what he really likes. To be honest, what with that and the possessiveness, paranoia and jealousy, he sounds like a stinker and if I were you I’d bail out on this.

    in reply to: Trying to figure out who my partner is #1097343
    Hazel
    Participant

    He is the kind of person who does not respect your boundaries in one of the most important areas of a relationship. The kind of person who will push and push until he gets what he wants without caring about your feelings. Imagine you were hearing from someone you really care a lot about that this was happening to them- wouldn’t you be angry and sad on their behalf?

    in reply to: Advice getting out of abusive relationship #1097251
    Hazel
    Participant

    There’s abuse, you have repeatedly tried to get out and been coerced into staying, and you are three months off marriage? At the very least put all marriage plans on hold. This relationship in no way needs to be cemented right now. Given that there is abuse I’d say never, but if you are still in doubt get couples therapy or something– if you think there may be something worth saving– but it isn’t in any way rational to bind yourself to someone you perceive as your abuser.

    in reply to: Boyfriend Lies to Friends About Me #1097008
    Hazel
    Participant

    Agree Kate, (it is odd in an adult.And has much bigger ramifications re. other behaviours.)

    in reply to: Boyfriend Lies to Friends About Me #1097006
    Hazel
    Participant

    Snap re. me being freely allowed to use my parents as an excuse as a kid/teen, if there was something going on I thought might be too much but didn’t want to lose face. I told them about it every time though and we had a laugh. Maybe if this is his character trait you could discuss it and see if you can find a way which works for you both, as long as he is always honest with you- you need to know exactly what he has said and agree to it, if he wants you to back him up. It’s a pity he doesn’t feel able to be honest with his friends, but maybe they really put him under pressure or something.

    in reply to: Boyfriend Lies to Friends About Me #1096981
    Hazel
    Participant

    Hmm. It seems small but I’ve encountered it before and it is a trait of blaming any convenient person for things he wants to say which might even slightly piss someone off. Can you imagine how that one’s going to work out if you stayed together and had kids? He’ll spin you as the baddy at every viable opportunity, even if you both actually agree about something.Everyone thinking he’s the cool dude (while you are the slightly demanding one) is far, far more important to him than others’ perceptions of you. Also you are accidentally reading his texts for a reason, even if it is purely subconscious, you don’t trust him. Because he lies.I reckon you need a fair bit of work to sort this out- if you think it’s worth it.

    in reply to: How to save face at this point? #1096860
    Hazel
    Participant

    best way to save face is to leave all of this way, way behind you. Do not engage, do not discuss, tell your interfering friend to lay off and that you no longer want to think about it. If you do still want to process it, see a therapist if that is at all available to you, if you can’t do that seek out free voluntary helplines near you. But do everything you can to cut links with your ex, and his GF, – you don’t need to save face with them, they are no longer a part of your life, there’s a whole interesting world of people out there who are not them. And they are seeing your face afresh.

    in reply to: My bf is a coward and disappointed me :( #1096792
    Hazel
    Participant

    I would not tackle any desperate person for property and would not expect anyone to aid me if I did. I would hope that someone would come to my aid if I was personally being attacked, and I am pretty confident that my partner would as I absolutely would for them- But I love my partner far too much to want them to risk injury or at worst case, death (nobody knows what arms might be involved, knives etc) over property. I’d have been holding back and holding them back too.The traditional roles thing is a bit shit, though, I don’t get why you are being okay about that.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 117 total)
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