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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 79 total)
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  • in reply to: BFs mother I feel is crossing boundaries #1005098
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    Stevie did you save money to buy a home? or just b/f? Because you say that your name wasn’t put on the loan/mortgage due to bad credit? Which is interesting because even with bad credit you can still “buy a house” esp. if you are a cosigner.

    It sounds like you assume this is your home because you are in a relationship with the person who bought it but you don’t mention anything about how serious this relationship is or if it is leading towards marriage. Its fine to stay in a relationship without making it formal but you have to protect yourself and have to have a partner agreeing to that protection.

    If your paying rent then the only thing you have is renter rights. I wouldn’t make anymore big purchases without a clear contract as to who owns the piece of property and you should keep receipt of the purchase/value/and form of payment.

    And with it being his home, even as a renter, he can approve of whomever he wants to come in the home without your permission.

    in reply to: BFs mother I feel is crossing boundaries #1001657
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    Why does she even have a key?

    It would be worth the investment to by a keyless lock and a security system to monitor who is coming and going. This women probably done made copies of the house key.

    in reply to: BFs mother I feel is crossing boundaries #1001650
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    Stevie – whose name is on the mortgage?
    If by chance your name isn’t on the mortgage and you have not invested anything regarding the purchase of the home, I would get out and request b/f to go to couple’s counseling so he can see that his mothers behavior/actions are inappropriate, like extremely inappropriate. If he isnt receptive then yeah, run!

    WHY THE HELL DO WOMEN DO THIS!! It’s like some weird female domination thing of I’m the better women or some weird passive aggressive insertion of trying to get rid of the other women because “no women is good enough for my son”.

    Are you two playing house without any legal contract to protect your investment? If so, you better contact a lawyer ASAP.

    Good for you for taking the initiative of trying to set boundaries with his weird a** mother. He should be addressing her as well. This should be a tag team effort with him as the front man.

    I have to ask though, how long have you guys been dating to not notice his mothers inappropriate behavior and addressing it early on?

    in reply to: “I Ignored Red Flags” #992246
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    There is no mess, there is no disrespecting you. You are confused about what “this” is which it is nothing more than perhaps a long distance friendship. It is okay to be friends with someone you once had romantic feelings with btw. Talking to multiple girls with no commitment isn’t being a “player”. He isn’t exclusive to you and hasn’t been by what you have wrote in. He is a young adult who is doing what most young adults do, work and has an active social life. IF you think this friendship is one sided than guess what, you have all the control to end this by blocking this person out of your life. You don’t need to worry about his girlfriend or what he is doing. You don’t actually know what type of relationship he is in.
    This guy lives out of state and for all you know this person could be catfishing you. You don’t know this person at all until you have met them in person. I hope you are practicing responsible and safe practices whilst making friends online.

    in reply to: Worried my partner isn’t fully over an old love. #988921
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    LW, Love has nothing to do with being someones first at life experience. Sorry Disney b/s us that we’d all end up in picture perfect fairytale of having no other lover. I suggest you dig into why your jealous of this and if you cant accept that this person had a life before you then move on!

    in reply to: Can we get past this #985615
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    Agree with the advise already stated.

    I became very close friends with my toxic ex’s sister. I had been trying to move on from that toxic relationship and tried to date other men but really just wanted to be single. I ended up running into this guy I had seen and met but didn’t really know well. We exchanged numbers and a friendship blossomed. This sister, unbeknownst to me, had talked to him at the time of my ex breaking up with me which was over a year later. When she saw we had been texting, she became furious and told me to stop talking to him and made a horrible comment about him. I made the mistake of saying I would never date a friends ex. However, they talked/dating for maybe 2 months and he had to end it with her because she had become controlling and displayed psycho behaviors. I had hung out with him as friends one night and she “found out” and began going off on me like a psycho. I stopped and said, “you know I am 23yrs old, a grown women, and I can be friends and date who I want without guilt. This guy really likes me and we have this amazing connection.” Almost a decade later, I am now married to the love of my life and to a good damn man. I am obviously no longer friends with her.

    Your being a toxic, controlling friend.

    in reply to: Boyfriend turned out to be a phony- how do I react? #985589
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    This is a 2 month relationship. There is no need to break up in person esp. if your scared of his reaction. Honestly, you don’t even have to call him. Just text him letting him know this relationship isn’t working out and that you no longer have romantic feelings for him. Don’t apologize or say its me, not you. Just stay firm and if he pressures you for “why” let him know he isnt respecting your boundaries and is becoming toxic. If he does not quit then block him. Surely it wont escalate any farther. If he threatens suicide, l’d call the police for a welfare check and most def. block him at that point. You should also let your parents know as a healthy outlet for guidance.

    in reply to: Ex’s Belongings #973025
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    Here is what I would do,

    I’d send a certified letter to his physical address, like a legal letter, letting him know he has by X date to pick his vehicle and belongings up. I’d be specific about the make/model/year and the belongings you have in your possession. Ex. A White Toyota Camry 1999, a red Nike sweatshirt, etc. And if said belongings are not picked up by X date car and belongings will disregarded. I’d keep a copy of that letter and I would also send a text stating the same message. Id keep records of this as well as previous messages requesting to come get his belongings and car. I’d keep anything that was inside the home in a box until the day you can disregard it.

    You might even want to contact an attorney and look of the state law to be cautious. After all, we aren’t talking about small, minor belongings.

    I’d say give him a month and limit your conversations to the car and belongings. If it has nothing to do with either of those things stop communicating. I think a month would be reasonable.

    Also, why do you want to be with someone so unstable and has an alcohol addiction. Life with addicts can be overwhelming and stressful. I have a sibling that is an alcoholic and the only reason I stay involved in their life is because I love them and I have a connection with them. Their level of help is beyond what any family member can provide. If someone refuses to help themselves, you cant be a hero and save them. Let this guy go.

    in reply to: Neighbors that are hypocrites #969840
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    Here is an idea!!
    Why not incorporate your vehicle into the Christmas displace by adding a Rudolph car costume on it.
    https://www.amazon.com/Rudolph-Red-Nosed-Reindeer-Officially/dp/B07HGDW6VV

    Also, Hazel’s advice to find a neighbor who wouldn’t mind you parking in front of their home is a pretty good idea!

    If you were my neighbor I would love you but I don’t think I would love you as much if you were blocking my front view.

    in reply to: Neighbors that are hypocrites #969784
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    you reside in a subdivision that has a HOA policy. It would be best to speak to whom ever is over the HOA to clarify the do’s and don’ts before both of you end of being neighbors at war. Most streets are public property so anyone should be able to park wherever unless it is deemed private. You don’t get dibs because you were there before them. That’s not how it works. At the end of the day would it be worth it having your car damaged over parking in front of someone’s home? People can be crazy, pick your battles.

    You say, per HOA policy, if they have the availability to park in their own driveway and garage then they must before parking on the street, right? Well does that not apply to you regardless of your Christmas light display?

    in reply to: Marriage Advice #968463
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    “She thinks she could be gay or bisexual or asexual or just any number of things.”

    Wifey doesn’t know her sexuality, so she wants to explore. Why would she think she is Asexual but wants to explore with same sex? You can be attracted to women without being a lesbian. You can be attracted to other people without cheating. I don’t really get that one minute she might be asexual, to gay, or bisexual. She just sounds confused.
    Forget what she wants, what do you want? Do you want to have an open marriage (Polyamory) and share the wifey or do you want a more monogamous relationship? It’s okay to want what you want and have it.

    I think getting a divorce is the realistic options here before anyone gets too emotionally and financially involved. You can remain friends and continue supporting her.

    in reply to: Don’t know what to do #968369
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    What kind of stuff are we talking about?

    I mean if its a good hoodie and sweats that you can wear, keep that shit. Don’t donate it.

    Make one last attempt to tell him he can come get his shit and tell him you have no intentions of confronting him because you’ve moved on. If he does not get it, its yours.

Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 79 total)
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